Recovery Nation

Lesson 1

I had done this lesson a couple of days back and noted my answers in document. copy pasting them now as my account is activated.

A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.
1. actively committing yourself to change

I think I am a better person than I have been. I have always felt pained and filled with guilt when I used to masturbate watching porn. I love my wife a lot and have disclosed my addiction to her last week after I had made the decision to change. She was shocked to her core. She really really loved me and trusted me. She described in part what was going through her mind all the years when I was ignoring her. I completely ignored how much she had sacrificed for me. I was so blind and selfish and absorbed in my addiction that I took her for granted for so long. After listening to what I had done to her, I feel nothing but contempt and disgust towards myself. I would do anything to get rid of this addiction that made me destroy something that very few people have – true trust and love from your partner that I had from my wife and I completely destroyed that. I want to change to try and give all the love I can to my daughter and at least be a father I can be rather than the father I was heading to be with my addiction. I have failed as a husband. I do not know if I will get a chance to be a good husband. But the only chance I have is to be a good father and I will die before I let go of this one chance.

2. not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
I have felt guilt all these years. But the guilt I had felt earlier is nothing compared to what I feel now for what I have done to my wife. Yes I am ashamed of what I have done. But now I feel that I have come out and shared my worst secret with my wife. I feel guilty at the same time I feel like I at least have a chance as I have no secrets now. I am prepared to fight this addiction and get rid of it.

3. allowing yourself time to change.
As long as I get to live a life that I always wanted to but ignored it due to my addiction, I will not go back to my addiction. I know that there will be urges. It has been almost a week. And there has not bee na moment when I have not thought of what could have been if I had been a better person. How much I have lost because of my addiction. My wife who loved me to the core now disgusts me. The loss I feel that she does not love me anymore is so deep that I feel like dying. I have not realized how much I need her love. How would I have realized when I had it and I did not care. Instead I was more interested spending time watching worthless porn. Og god. I feel like dying thinking of what I have lost. I hope to regain atleasta fraction of what I had. A smile from her. A genuine smile from her for me. Which I could get with every little thing I did. With even a silly gesture that no one in this world would find funny but my wife did. I want her back. I want her back in my life so badly., I will do anything for her. For however long it is I have to wait. I will.

B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. List these in your recovery thread.

1. I want to live an honest life with my family without a secret porn life
2. I believe I have a good heart. I have always thought of good things for everyone and ‘thought’ of doing something special for people I care about. I want to make that a reality.
3. I want my wife to look at me and smile with love
4. I want to earn the trust of my wife however long that takes
5. I want to be a father that my daughter can be proud of
6. I want to be true to myself and to my family and friends
7. I want to be respected as a good human being
8. I want to eventually realize my potential at work
9. I have spent a lot of time and energy in watching porn and masturbating. I missed out on a lot of other pleasures in life because of this – Enjoying time with family, success at academics/work etc. I would like to live life to the fullest knowing that I have not wasted time.

I have been thinking of other reasons as well. I am sure I have a few more. I want to put these up for now and add to them eventually.

Lesson 2:

I always knew that "I did not know what I wanted to do" from a career perspective. I was happy to do the job that I am in. I did reasonable well in most of the jobs I have done. But I do not think I can say that I love doing what I do at work. There is always a feeling that there is something else out there I would rather do.

Until I read (many times over) Lesson 2, I did not realise that it was not from a work point of view that I did not know what I wanted. I have never thought of what I wanted to "be"! I have been thinking about this for the last couple of days. At this point in time, i think this is my vision:

I want to be a father to my daughter in the true sense.
I want to take care of her, spend time with her, play with her, take her on holidays and make her smile.
I want to make sure that I always put in my best effort to ensure she is happy. I want to help her achieve her goals and dreams.
I want to truly be there for my wife.
I want us to share our wishes, our dreams and our worries.
I want to spend time with her at home, on vacations, take long walks with her and have conversations with her.
I want to see our family have dinners together, celebrate festivals together, and have arguments without a sense of guilt inside of me.
I want to be a good son to my mother and talk to her often and make sure she is happy.
I see myself having a wonderful and happy family with people I love around me with me living a genuine life with them without the guilt, shame and lying. I think success at work will follow by default if I get rid of the addiction.

I know it is in bullet point format and there is a lot of "I want"s. However, I have tried to pen my thoughts down and end game is "I want to love and respect my wife, take care of and love my daughter, and take care of my mother in her old age" these are the 3 people who matter most to me and I would like to be someone who they respect fo what I am. I know its a long road to get there. But I am committed to it and will spend everyday here onwards on that journey.

I have been talking to my wife about my recovery and sharing what is going through my head. Yesterday I told her that when she said she is open to wrking with me and is hopeful of us getting together, I had a huge euphoric sensation. But along with it I also identified that when I was happy, I had this slit second when Ifelt like i had to 'celebrate' by masturbating. I shared that with my wife and she felt that I would relapse to old ways once I i believe things have been fixed between us.

I dont know hw I can tell her that I want this 'fix' to be permanent. This is my vision for my life. I want to see her happy as long as I live. I just dont want to 'Fix' things and go back to being the monster I was by ignoring her completeley. I cry and cry thinking of all the hurt I caused her. I wish I could take it all back. I really really wish I had started my recovery earlier. I could have made her so much happier. She had to suffer for no fault of hers. I did not know I was capable of such monstrosity. I feel disgusted at myself for making my wife suffer that way. And I dare to think she is the most important person in my life. What did I do to show her that? NOTHING.

Hi Willchange,

Welcome to the site, most of us arrive here in a pretty desperate place so can relate to many of the negative thoughts and feelings you've described.

Well done in coming clean to your wife. That you valued honesty above all of the potential negative consequences of disclosure says much about your sincerity to recover.

Secondly you mentioned a few times in your first post that dwelling on what you've lost makes you feel like dying. If you ever feel any kind of suicidal thoughts then please talk to someone about it, call a doctor, friend, counsellor or support line. If your words weren't meant to be taken so literally it might still be of benefit to read this lesson on depression and suicidal thoughts that are common to many in recovery. Depression and incredibly low self esteem were big factors in my own addiction.

Your reasons for change and your vision are clearly structured around the people that mean the most to you - which is good. What I would also suggest though is to consider expanding your vision to include some areas that are more about your relationship with yourself and your own needs and interests. Much as we want to repair and restore the wounded relationships around us recovery asks us to first repair and restore the broken relationship we have with ourselves.

Coach Mel put together some handy exercises that were a big help to me. here's some other possible areas to consider expanding your vision to include:
hobbies and personal interests
health and fitness
spirituality/meditation/self reflection
creativity
relaxation
friendships/socialising
travel
knowledge/skills
finance
career goals

Recovery, simply put, is about learning how to manage our lives without addiction. When we can learn to gain meaning and fulfilment across several different several areas of our lives (rather than from just one or two relationships) then our chances of success are greater.


There's probably nothing you can say that will be able to communicate that. Time, commitment, honesty and sincere changes in your actions will speak louder than any words. Whether your wife chooses to stay with you or not is unfortunately beyond your control but what you can control is where your focus needs to be for these next few weeks and months - by making recovery the number one priority in your life.

It can be a challenging yet rewarding process. I found creating some time each day to think about or work on a lesson was helpful to me, try to keep some momentum going. The volunteer coaches or mentors might stop by when they can but if you don't receive any feedback that usually means you're on the right track. If you have any questions and need any support feel free to post on the recovery forum too.

All the very best in your journey Willchange, the lessons provide a tried and tested roadmap for overcoming addiction so if your motivation is sincere then you are on the threshold of experiencing a major transition in your life

Newme

Thanks newme.

It certainly helps to put my thoughts here. No I do not think I am suicidal. It is probably the way I feel but I definitely am not going to act on it.

Coming clean to my wife is not complete. I have not shared everything with her and I fear that sharing everything will ruin what ever little hope I have in getting the relationship back. But I understand I need to be completely honest with her. I need to summon the courage to tell her everything. I do not have that courage at this point in time. The thought that I am not being entirely true to her is stressing me out. She is currently out of the country and we have been communicating via email. I already made the mistake of disclosing this to her on chat. I would want to tell her when she is here face to face.

At this point I am consumed by the fear of losing my wife. I do not think I can deal with losing her. That is all that comes to mind and I have no one to blame but myself. I am solely responsible for destroying a wonderful relation and a hurting a wonderful person.

I add the following to the vision i had earlier:

I will continue to pursue cycling (I will make time for this activity in addition to the family time, not sacrifice family time for cycling as I used to earlier)
I will maintain friendships and not take anyone for granted


So now my vision is:
I want to be a father to my daughter in the true sense.
I want to take care of her, spend time with her, play with her, take her on holidays and make her smile.
I want to make sure that I always put in my best effort to ensure she is happy. I want to help her achieve her goals and dreams.
I want to truly be there for my wife.
I want us to share our wishes, our dreams and our worries.
I want to spend time with her at home, on vacations, take long walks with her and have conversations with her.
I want to see our family have dinners together, celebrate festivals together, and have arguments without a sense of guilt inside of me.
I want to be a good son to my mother and talk to her often and make sure she is happy.
I see myself having a wonderful and happy family with people I love around me with me living a genuine life with them without the guilt, shame and lying. I think success at work will follow by default if I get rid of the addiction.
I will continue to pursue cycling (I will make time for this activity in addition to the family time, not sacrifice family time for cycling as I used to earlier)
I will maintain friendships and not take anyone for granted

I have been reading the values lesson and this is my first attempt at listing the values. these are the ones that come to mind out of my Vision.

Loving my daughter
Caring for my daughter
Responsibility towards my daughter
Loving my wife
Being honest to my wife
Responsibility to my wife
Sincerity with every one I deal with
Honesty
Family is the top priority in life
Sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings with my wife
Dedication to my family and ones who are close to me
Duty towards my mother
Making sure my mother is happy
Think about how my actions will impact the ones I love
Healthy Lifestyle
Maintaining friendships
Not taking anything/anyone for granted
Integrity
Strengthening my role as a brother
Establishing competence in my field
Being charitable, giving
Being joy to my family
Self-discipline
Not procrastinate

The Dark-Side

No self-control
Not realising what is right and wrong
Emotional immaturity
Selfishness
Insensitivity to others' feelings

I have come clean with my wife. I have told her everything. She is deciding if she wants to stay with me or not. I do not know what to do. I do not know what I can do to ease the pain that I have caused her.

I have nowhere to hide. I want to change. But my vision for my life was to take care of my family and be devoted to my family. Now there is no family. I feel completely lost. I hate myself for letting it go this far. I don't know how to get her back. I fear she will go away. I fear that I will lose her. I don't know how I can bear the loss if she decides to leave me. My little daughter. I haven't even held her in my arms for more than 2 months now. Oh god. Please save me.

My values:
Place family as the top priority in every thing that I do
Loving my wife and daughter
Caring for my wife and daughter
Responsibility towards my daughter
Being honest to my wife
Duty towards my mother and being a responsible son
Sincerity with every one I deal with
Sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings with my wife
Not taking anything/anyone for granted (including friends)
A healthy life style with family

I don't know why I am doing this if most of my vision and my values are family. And I stand to lose them all. I did not know that this would lead to a place like this. I wish I had not done the things I have done i the past. I cannot undo them now. I am willing to have a fresh start with my family. I need that chance. I want to show all the love, I have in my heart to my wife and daughter. Show them how much I love them. That is my only hope.

Hi Willchange
let me add my welcome to that from newme
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand


the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


you have done the best that is possible in doing this
I made the mistake of drip feeding and lost because of it



unfortunately my friend right now there is little that you can do, your wife has discovered that the man she loves is not the man who she thought he was
give her time do not push her into any decision, be honest even as you have with telling her about your urge,
support and comfort her but remember that your number one priority is your recovery
without that then why should she want to be with you?

you made choices now she will to
I really do hope that she stays with you , you seen so sincere in setting out in what you need to do, continue this way , be living proof of a better person

.

Hating oneself is not healthy I know I was that man, I completely understand what you are going through and I am also aware how these stresses can hold back your recovery, please dont let that happen
remember
Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.


Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

be strong, stay clean and work hard
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo

I caught a glimpse of my wife crying her heart out online yesterday. I cannot think anything but that image of my wife crying. I have caused that hurt. I never saw her cry like that. Never. I caused that. I dont know what kind of a person I am. The worst kind I suppose. I was so insensitive. I did not think what I was doing to her. How much hurt I was causing. How could I not see. I love her. I love her so much and I have lost the love of my life. I will try and be a good father now. I have no hope. I will continue my recovery. I am not going to fail. I will recover from this sickness. This SICKNESS. I hate it. I hate what it made me do. It is easy to blame it. But 'it' is really me. I am the one who did all those things.

I am going to get rid of this sickness within me. Come what may, I am going to get rid of this.

My values: Lesson 5
Place family as the top priority in every thing that I do
Loving my wife and daughter
Caring for my wife and daughter
Responsibility towards my wife and daughter
Being honest to my wife
Duty towards my mother and being a responsible son
Respect women in every way
Sincerity with every one I deal with
Sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings with my wife
Not taking anything/anyone for granted (including friends)
A healthy life style with family
Strengthening relation with my sister

Hi wilchange
some feedback on your values
these are very narrow and being narrow could lead to slipping in the event that one or more pillar for your recovery weakens of falls

The values you prioritise tend to have the common thread of family and those close to you



Once a person has created a vision for their life, extracted the values from that vision and prioritised them, it is safe to assume that the majority of that person's meaning and fulfillment should come from the top fifteen or so values on that list



could be construed as one value

honesty should not be simply towards one person and it must include yourself



respect all including self respect

There is so much more to value please take sometime to think about this
perhaps spirituality, health , security, ambition, healthy sex, charity,................
You get the picture

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo

Thanks kenzo,

Thanks for the feedback. I omitted some values since I think I already follow them in some ways. E.g. Health. I am conscious of my health and exercise and cycle on a regular basis. I donate to UNICEF on a monthly basis. It is not big on my list of values, but I feel good that I am helping some child somewhere get a better life.

But I get what you mean. The past few days I have been worried about my family, my wofe, my mother all the time. It has been an emotional struggle for me. I think I wll need to sit down and think through all the value including those towards my family and pen down my thoughts. Will take some time on this and get back.

I feel all alone. My wife has stopped acknowledging me completely. I dont know if she is responding to me at all now. She only talks to me as an acquaintance. It hurts badly. It really really hurts me. I wish there was some surgery to get rid of this addiction. I know it all depends on me. I want to get rid of it so badly. I AM going to get rid of it. I AM going to fight it. I went to the mall today and resisted the temptation to scan. I felt disgust at myself every time my eyes noticed someone even for a split second. I turned away. I curse this terrible teriible curse that makes me notice women around me in a sexual way. I went around concentrating on not watching. In the end I realised that I can go without scanning. There were a lot of temptations but I can say that I did not scan a single woman. If I can do this I can get rid of the addiction. I really can.

I have thought through my values again.

1. Love and Responsibility
a. To my wife
i. I will show my love to her and take care of her needs
ii. I will support her in her decisions and aspirations
iii. I will help her get more time and space for herself
iv. I will think of her before making any decisions
v. I will share responsibilities and take ownership of tasks
vi. I will surprise her with thoughtful gestures and gifts on a regular basis
b. To my daughter
i. I will show my love and affection to my daughter
ii. I will spend at least an hour every working day with her
iii. I will spend my days off by taking my daughter for walks/cycle rides
iv. I will participate actively in her growth and development
v. I will support her in her future plans and choices
vi. I will ensure financial security for her future
c. To my mother
i. I will not cause her more pain than I have
ii. I will call and talk to her at least once in 2 days
iii. I will take more responsibility for her well being
iv. I will listen to what she has to say seriously
d. To my sister
i. I will be more involved and in touch with my sister
ii. I will call her at least once a week to enquire on her well being
iii. I will show her that I am there for her to lean on

2. Honesty
a. I will be honest to my wife about my feelings and thoughts
b. I will not lie to any one because of convenience or to avoid uncomfortable conversations. I would rather tell them I couldn’t talk about it.

3. Planning and Organizing
a. I will make a plan for all activities that I need to perform and execute them
b. I will plan my day and my week and stick to the plan
c. I will plan for holidays and time off with family
d. I will think about long term planning (Buying a house etc.)
e. I will be conscious of time and will stick to the plan

4. Sexual Pleasure
a. I will derive and give sexual pleasure to my wife without the cloud of porn.
b. I will show her that she is not inadequate but a wonderful beautiful sexy woman

5. Active
a. I will not be lazy
b. I will not procrastinate. I will not rationalize the postponement of work to be done
c. I will be up by at least 7:30 am every morning

6. Healthy body and intellect
a. Maintain a healthy lifestyle by cycling every week.
b. Get back into serious reading

7. Friendship
a. Call/email/chat with my friends on a regular basis (at least once a month) I will share what is going on in my life.

8. Recognized as a competent person at work
a. I will be efficient at work in the time I am at work.
b. I will finish work before the deadline and not wait till the last minute

9. Spirituality
a. Integrating religion into my day-to-day life (Praying daily morning)
b. Reading a spiritual book
c. Reading stories to my daughter and introducing her to my religion and its values

10. Consideration for others
a. I will show consideration for others and their feelings before taking any action
b. I will show tolerance to other peoples point of view
c. I will be empathetic to other people
d. I always put myself in the other person’s shoes to understand their point of view.

11. Avoiding Conflict
a. Give way if leading to an unnecessary conflict
b. Avoid getting into conflict situations if possible (Not by lying)

12. Keep in touch with extended family
a. I will keep in touch with extended family members at least once a month.

13. Knowledge in my field
a. Read a work related publication on a weekly basis for at least 1 hour
b. Learn at work and attend training where possible

14. Confidence
a. Build on my confidence.
b. Talk to people without fear or uncertainty.

15. Decision making
a. I will think of the pros and cons and make my decisions
b. I will make decisions instead of procrastinating

16. Pride
a. I will take pride on who I am
b. I will not think of myself as worthless

17. Respect
a. I will respect every one for what they are. I will not judge.
b. I will respect myself for what I am.
c. I will respect elders
d. I will respect women for their kindness and not objectify them.

18. Charity
a. I will donate to charities on a regular basis

I feel there are too many and all of them seem important. I have tried to sort them in order of priority. But I want to stick to all of them. Any comments are welcome.

Hi willchange




IMHO we cannot have too many values, so long as they are healthy and non conflicting
however for a sex addict in recovery we cannot expect that we can nurture all of these in one sitting
take your values in bite size pieces and work on them ingraining them until they are second nature
keep up the good work and good luck to you, things will improve as you improve believe me

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo

Lesson 6:

These are the things I would like to start ingraining into my life first. Although I would want the love of my wife more than anything in my life right now. I understand I need to change myself before I can hope for anything. I will try and try and try. I feel so empty every time I look at my wife. I love you MP. I love you so much. I made a terrible mistake. I am looking at you right now and there is no happiness that I have given you. Sorry for the pain. I have broken my mother as well. She is completely shattered because of what I have done. I am sorry mom. The 2 people who matter the most to me are lost to me. I am responsible for this. I will try and get back at least some part of what I lost.

5. Active
a. I will not be lazy. Every time I think of not doing a particular work, I will think twice if I am not doing it because I am being lazy. If the answer is yes, I will ensure that I do the work immediately.
b. I will not procrastinate. I will not rationalize the postponement of work to be done.
c. I will be up by at least 7:30 am every morning and take a shower in the morning.

7. Friendship
a. I will call my best friend at least once a week. (on Saturday/Sunday)
b. I will email my friends at least once a week on my activities and what is happening in my life

8. Recognized as a competent person at work
a. I will be efficient at work in the time I am at work.
b. I will plan the work to be done and have a sense of urgency about everything that I do at work.
c. I will finish work before the deadline and not wait till the last minute

I am thinking of my wife and my life that could have been and the life that I want. I want that family life more than anything else. I need to change for that. I have been writing down the things that I would want to do in the next few days. However, owing to the fact that we are overseas right now, I would come back and modify the action plan once we are back.

Lesson 7 Exercise

1. Love and Responsibility
a. To my wife
i. I will show my love to her and take care of her needs
• Kiss MP daily morning. She is not very comfortable with showing physical affection yet. But I understand that and I will show I care.
• Go for a walk every evening with her.
• Pay complete attention to her when we are having conversations (I have ‘zoned out’ a few times during conversations)
• I will continue sending an email with what I am feeling every morning
• I will also express my emotions (including feelings of anger/disappointment) even if I think my comments will upset her
• I will suggest eating out/shopping trips etc. to spend time together and not wait for her to plan
ii. I will support her in her decisions and aspirations
• I have immense respect on her capabilities and I have always supported her and encouraged her in decisions and aspirations regarding her career and other important decisions and will continue to do so.
• I have never been enthusiastic about travelling and she loves to travel. I will work with her to ensure that she gets to travel more often.
• iii. I will help her get more time and space for herself
• I will ensure I share responsibility of the baby and give her time to spend with herself. She would like to go shopping/pedicure/driving classes etc. or exercise.
• iv. I will think of her before making any decisions
• I will discuss all major decisions that I need to take with her.
v. I will share responsibilities and take ownership of tasks
• I will include household chores (cleaning etc.) as part of a weekly schedule.
• Make a list of things to accomplish on a weekly and daily basis (E.g. Get driver’s license, get garage lock fixed, fix washing machine etc.) Do not wait for MP to ‘fix’ these things
vi. I will surprise her with thoughtful gestures and gifts on a regular basis

b. To my daughter

• I will always give the evening bath to her when I am in town.
• I will feed her breakfast/dinner every day
• I will spend at least an hour every working day with her
• I will spend my days off by taking my daughter for walks/cycle rides
• I will ensure financial security for her future by starting to put money into a separate account in her name

c. To my mother
• I will call and talk to her at least once in 2 days
• I will take more responsibility for her well being - by inquiring about her arthritis problem and inquiring about her health with her doctor
• I will listen to what she has to say seriously and not get irritated with her
• I will take her to the religious places she wanted to go then ext time I am in the country

d. To my sister
• I will call her at least once a week to enquire on her well being
• I will communicate more often with her on what I am doing
• I will support her and encourage her when she is unhappy/disheartened

2. Honesty
• I will not lie to any one because of convenience or to avoid uncomfortable conversations. I would rather tell them I couldn’t talk about it

3. Planning and Organizing
• I will make a daily plan activities that I need to perform for the day even if it one activity that I perform. I will try and ensure that the task is completed before the end of the day.
• I will plan for holidays and time off with family. We will have at least one weekend getaway every 3 months
• I will start gathering information for buying houses now. Plan is to buy a house in the next couple of years.

4. Sexual Pleasure
• I will give and derive sexual pleasure with my wife on a regular basis
• I will never demand sex, or be detached when we have sex. If I am not in the mood for sex, I will let her know instead of participating.

6. Healthy body and intellect
• Maintain a healthy lifestyle by cycling every week.
• Get back into serious reading (Read the religious book and the technical book)
• I will update the currently reading section regularly

9. Spirituality
• Integrating religion into my day-to-day life (Praying daily morning)
• Reading a spiritual book
• Reading stories to my daughter and introducing her to my religion and its values

These are the values that I have worked on so far. I will keep updating regularly. More tomorrow. MP does not seem to be in a good mood today. I wish I could improve things for her.

Lesson 7 Exercises Contd.

10. Consideration for others
• I will show consideration for others and their feelings before taking any action
• I will show tolerance to other peoples point of view and show empathy

11. Avoiding Conflict
• I will avoid conflicting situations if I can.
• I will not lie to get out of conflicting situations.
• I will give way if it avoids conflict.

12. Keep in touch with extended family
• I will keep in touch with extended family members at least once a month. (I have made a list of the individuals in a a personal file)

13. Knowledge in my field
• Appear for certification program within the end of the year

14. Confidence
• Build on my confidence.
• Talk to people without fear or uncertainty.

15. Decision making
• I will make decisions instead of procrastinating

16. Pride
• I will take pride on who I am (I am not sure what to put as action items for this value)
• I will not think of myself as worthless

17. Respect
• I will respect every one for what they are. I will not judge.
• I will respect myself for what I am.
• I will respect elders
• I will respect women for their kindness and not objectify them.

18. Charity
• I will donate to charities on a regular basis