Recovery Nation

Just started with RN now. I really hope I can move forward with this.

1) Actively committing yourself to change

There are some parts of my persona that I’m very fond of. There are others that I seek to jettison off the railings as I move through life. I don’t think my soul is a finished article just yet. It’s a work in progress that needs completion, and only I have the key to doing so.
So, change is an important thing. I believe that change is important for humanity as a whole, how we deal with different times, but I suppose I’m nervous about my own desire to change. Can I simply remove the behaviors I don’t like, and wish to keep the ones I do? I suppose I’ll find out.

- I feel as if I'm ready finally take the braver option and try to change myself. Perhaps "try to change myself" is the wrong way of putting it. I will change myself. I believe it. I really want to believe that the worst is behind me, and that I can achieve my goals by finally taking the steps to recovery.

2) Not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change

This is a tricky one. I deal with tough and awkward emotions and react in a way that exposes my addiction. I don’t want to be like this anymore. When I feel guilty, I must begin to understand that this is what human life is about, and that I must learn to deal with suffering in a different way.
- The guilt and shame I feel is only after I masturbate. Only when I feel guilty for sexual reasons. I believe that the prize of liberation from these feelings should help me through.


3) allowing yourself time to change.

- I won't lie. I've tried to quit cold turkey before and failed miserably. This time, i have a plan, and time to achieve it. The time involved doesn’t concern me. I don’t expect to change overnight. Even now, I really wish to embrace my addiction as I’m typing this. I hope I won’t when I stop.



Reasons I want to change:

1 - I want a better sex life
2 - I want a healthier sex life
3 - I want to spend the time I waste masturbating on better things
4 - I don't want to feel such shame anymore.
5 - I want to have a more normal life.
6 - I don't want to waste my time like this.
7 - I don't want to feel like I have to look at porn.
8 – I want to explore what my life is truly about. What I have to say to the world, how I want to say it. My addiction is hampering this.
9 – I want to explore my true emotional feelings about other people and myself and not be afraid of them.
10 – I want to be able to feel guilt, shame stress and deal with them in a different way.

To Me, as a Child.
I’m sorry. You deserved better than this. We had such promise and I feel as if I’ve spoiled it. Don’t worry though, I’m making plans to change for the better and I can bring us back to the life at which we should have.
Also, to this child, I wish that you were tougher for the troubles ahead. You were always so nice to everyone, I think when you found out the world was a cruel and mean place it shook you and you took it badly. There is still beauty and love in the world, you just have to look for it.

Hi PhillyM and welcome to RN

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality


Commit , fully and completely as you say believe it is possible and it can be but the road is not easy

work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path


it can be but not yet, give yourself that time
the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are about you, your life is about you but dont let selfishness in to dictate to you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you

Your reasons could be a tad more positive as positive reasons and statements stand the test of time and stresses so much better than those worded negatively

I want to be able to feel guilt, shame stress and deal with them in a different way could read
I will live dealing with emotions positively so that I have no guilt nor shame

I don't want to feel like I have to look at porn.
could read
I want to control my actions viewing porn is not a pre requisite in my life
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best
I don't want to waste my time like this
could read
I will not waste my time on compulsive behaviors
just a thought my friend
good luck and stay with it

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo

Starting again. I find it difficult to believe I gave up so easily. After inital success of a few days, I was really upbeat, and believed the worst was over. I didn't feel the need to continue with lessons as I thought I had so easily made progress.

Anyway:

1) Actively committing yourself to change

I really have no other options that I want to pursue. I must change and I feel that I will. I've allowed selfish choices to burden me, and as a result, I failed the first time in what I want to do. I don't want to change my whole life, I want to get better.

2) Not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change

I've found I've engaged with porn when I am under a lot of stress, and that seemed to be what triggered the first relapse. I am scared, but proud of my choice for the future.

3) allowing yourself time to change.

I have the rest of my life to change. The future is ahead of me and the choices I make now will decide the next decades of my life, and how I live it. I'm making the right choice and I intend on keeping it that way. It won't be easy, but I will be patient.

Reasons I want to change:

1 - I'm tired of not feeling in control of myself
2 - I want to begin to really enjoy life without guilt or anxiety
3 - I can prove to myself I'm bigger than my addiction
4 - I want to love my wife the way I should
5 - I want to be able to not feel obligated to masturbate under stressful circumstances
6 - I want to be able to experience a more normal sexual life with a partner
7 - I want to be able to experience emotions, not blot them away with easy fixes
8 - I want to spend the time I waste more productively

To Me As A Child
Life is hard and long. What appears well on the surface can often be painful. We'll get through this through hard work and dedication. I'm very sorry for straying from the correct path, but it's not so serious as to too problematic. We'll get through this and fufill our potential.

my friend I see an immediate contradiction

if you are a sex addict and you can judge that , you know if your behaviour is compulsive or not
you should know if you want to change and if so you need to realise that this takes life long commitment

you have a choice
play at it or do it , make that choice wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo

Lesson 2:

My vision:
I want to be able to experience life to the full. I mean that I want to feel beautiful and meaningful things with my wife, and with the world at large. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and feel that I have made a beneficial difference to someone somewhere.
I want to share a love with my wife that knows no bounds, holds no secrets and is honest and open. I want our love to make us people for whom life is so exciting because the other one exists. I want to protect her from anything that may harm her. I want to show her exciting and beautiful things and make her feel worthwhile.
I want to let people in trouble know that I can help. I work in the arts, so I feel that my artistic vision should change to one that encapsulates the ideas of human kindness and beauty more. This is difficult for me. I fear humanity in many aspects and generally perceive other people to be threatening and malevolent. I suffer from anxiety about society at large and the inherent goodness in people.
I believe I am a creative human being that has poignant and dear things to say about life. If I throw myself with fury into writing, perhaps I’ll be on the right road. Perhaps, even if nobody ever sees any of my work, I’ll begin to create a place where I can change correctly into a better human being.

Hi PhillyM
can I suggest that you read coach Mel's how to write a vision
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=18746
it is worth it
life contains and offers so much, why not put more into your vision
not only your wife, love honesty and art
think about parents, siblings, friends, art lovers, security, health, exercise, fun, happiness, security, intimacy, charity, spirituality..................

just a thought

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo