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 Post subject: RDS Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 9:57 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:04 pm
Posts: 3
Lesson 1

A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.


1) I'm making big changes. I came here from NoFap on Reddit where this started off as an abstinence thing. I realise its more than just abstaining though. my life has to change. Porn is completely blocked on my laptop and I've turned my smartphone into a 'dumbphone'. I have already started changing how I go about the day. I am isolating the problems and trying to deal with them head on. I am here now and ready to work through the workshop and come out the other side a healthy individual.

2) Whenever I have had a massive porn binge I really struggle to look people in the eye after. They have no way of knowing what I've done but I do and it makes me feel ashamed. However on the other hand if I had known that porn was damaging when I first watched it in high school I wouldn't have got to this stage. People didn't talk about it. I'm not ashamed or guilty that this happened to me. I accept it and now I have to deal with it.

3) Obviously I'd love to wake up tomorrow completely healthy. I know that's never going to happen. I have to take the time on this journey to decide what kind of person I want to be and what kind of life I want to live.

B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positive. For example: " I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be honest and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones. List these in your recovery thread.

1. I want to be confident in myself.
2. I want to be able to be honest with people and not hide part of myself.
3. I want to deal with challenges, obstacles and stress in a healthy way in order to improve myself.
4. I want to be happy and not have that nagging feeling at the back of my mind.
5. I want to be able to have a relationship with someone I care about.
6. I want to work towards my goals and not hold myself back.
7. I want to make myself and my family proud.
8. I want to beat this because then I will know I can do anything I set my mind to.
9. I want to have some charisma and personality when talking to people.
10. I want to look in the mirror and actually see 'me'.

I will have to return to part C at a later date as I stay away from home for university and do not have any photos with me from that age range.


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 Post subject: Re: RDS Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 1:37 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
Hello RDS

Quote:
I'm making big changes. I came here from NoFap on Reddit where this started off as an abstinence thing. I realise its more than just abstaining though. my life has to change

great this is a very significant realisation

welcome to RN
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: RDS Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2017 3:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:04 pm
Posts: 3
Unfortunately I have not been as active as I would have liked to have been lately and that is because I am in the middle of the exam period for university so much of my time is taken up focusing on other things.

Lesson 2 Personal Vision

I feel like there at 4 things that are important to me at this moment in time anyway that I would like to focus on.

My main life goal is a career and striving for success within that. A career in medicine to be specific. I have thought about it a lot and I know I'm capable of it if I work for it. I feel that working towards a successful career gives me a sense of purpose. Something to achieve instead of just learning and studying with no end goal in sight. I would like to work in a hospital however I have not decided on a specific area as this my change as I learn about the different areas.

Relationships. Two things that I value are honesty and integrity. Right now I feel in conflict with that, where I say one thing regarding my addiction and act the other way. I want to build more in depth relationships with friends and find a girlfriend. Right now I feel quite reserved and I just know people but not at a deeper level. I want to connect more so that people want to be around me and invite me to be part of things. I also want to build a deep connection with someone that is similar to me, shares my hobbies and goals. In order to do that I feel I have to work on myself.

Physical fitness. Being physically fit and healthy improves your life in so many ways I honestly feel it's just something that cannot be overlooked. This involves having a decent level of cardio, I'm not aiming for Olympic standards. Lifting weights and building muscle are another important area in fitness. I want to have my body look and feel great especially while I'm still in my prime. I also want a healthy mind which I think things that are often overlooked can contribute so much towards. For example meditation has been shown to be hugely beneficial which is why I have started doing it almost everyday. A regular sleeping pattern also is extremely beneficial for overall health and yet so many people do not get enough sleep which is why I have been aiming for at least 8 hours of sleep a night.

Politics. Over the last few years I got involved in politics and it is now something I follow religiously. It impacts almost everything in our lives and I want to play a bigger role in that, to become more involved and speak up for what I believe in. Politics allows us to shape the country we live in which is very important to me. Public speaking comes under this and is also something I really enjoy doing. Its a way to deliver a message to a large crowd and makes you feel great at the same time. I am a member of toastmasters in order to take this further.

Music. I recently started learning to play the guitar. I really find it very enjoyable and a great way to spend some time. I really want to take this further and possibly get singing lessons to go along with it. I believe music is a great stress reliever and music can really express feelings and emotions.

These are the things that I care a lot about and want to pursue further. They give me a sense of purpose and something to work towards


Last edited by RDS on Fri May 19, 2017 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: RDS Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2017 4:53 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
RDS
Quote:
so much of my time is taken up focusing on other things.

I do hope only healthy other things

I say this not as an accusation but because as an addict I know how easy it is to deny and make excuses
good luck with your exams but please do remember that health is fundamentally important

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: RDS Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Sun May 21, 2017 3:11 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:04 pm
Posts: 3
Lesson 3

Values
1. Being dedicated
2. Building meaningful relationships
3. Staying active
4. Being dependable
5. Being reliable
6. Taking care of myself
7. Pursuing a career
8. Striving for excellence
9. Physical health
10. Sexual intimacy
11. Integrity
12. Personal Independence
13. Improving my social interactions
14. Intellectual growth and communication
15. Communicating feelings
16. Feeling happy and content
17. Friendship
18. Personal growth and development
19. Self-discipline
20. Being a leader
21. Bringing joy to others
22. Continuously improving
23. Love
24. Being financially stable
25. Reaching my full potential
26. Being mature
27. Being mindful
28. Freedom
29. Sense of humour
30. Being responsible
31. Being respected
32. Appreciating others
33. Being studious
34. Working hard

Dark Side
1. Escaping work and responsibility
2. Being bored
3. Relieving stress
4. Lack of self-discipline
5. Coping mechanism


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