*ontrack's recovery thread

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

OK, Today...

Three Values to guide me.

HONESTY
COURAGE
INTEGRITY

=

CLARITY and LEADERSHIP

I commit to that pillar of Values to inform all actions today. All decisions are filtered through them.

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Was just reviewing my Recovery Mantra which is also my signature on any posts I make.

Tweaked it a bit, brought it more into my present mind, and am excited about bringing it into my heart, body, and head now.

"I commit to deepening my Values and fully engaging personal, strategic Action Plans in order to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."

when looking at it today the thing that most excited me and I had perhaps forgotten was the notion of keeping my values SACRED. Protecting them with all of my efforts. Deepening them. Day after day after day after day... it is enough... to do that. In fact, much more than enough. That's where I put my focus. Everything I desire in my life is available for me and included in my Values.

EVERYTHING.

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Starting a new day. Yesterday much clearer. Free and focused. Not in chains.

This is a big work day. Finishing off a project to hand in 16 hours from now. i was hoping that this time the procrastination wouldn't make the last day so long but it didn't happen. My creativity kicks in under the pressure of delivering and when that pressure isn't there I find it hard to concentrate and getting down to just doing it.

Anyway, I am here in a familiar place of looking at the day ahead and knowing I need to deliver today. Much work to do. Let's enjoy this process of creating. Keep going through adversity and challenges.

Done for now,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Tweaked my signature again, which I am using as a form of Daily Mantra. Needed to simplify it, was too bulky, didn't fit easily into my thoughts. Like this one much much better, streamlined, easy, simple. This one I can hold in my thoughts and easily bring into my mind.

"Today I commit to enrich my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold my Boundaries and keep my Values sacred."

Yeah.

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Tweaked it again:

"Today I commit to live within my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."

LIVE WITHIN my Values instead of ENRICH my Values. Why? Because I can enrich my values at one point of the day and then stray from my values later, have I enriched my values? yes. This way, living within my values, I think it's all covered. The world that I want to live in, it's ALL within my values, there's no reason, absolutely none, to go OUTSIDE my Values.

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Going over and over my Daily Mantra till it's easier for me to hold in my mind:

"Today I commit to live within my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."

It's a simple equation. I maintain the above commitment each day. From that commitment comes flourishing of Values and a rich, balanced life. I monitor my commitment and my actions daily, weekly, monthly, etc.. And then take action based on how I'm doing moment by moment. But the commitment is essential first, that has to be there. Not a wishy-washy thing but true commitment to Values. And recognition and acceptance from a deep place inside that a life lived within my Values is enough.

If for any reason I feel it's not enough in any one moment, I need a commitment (just as strong as my commitment to Values) to engage my Action Plans and thus uphold my Boundaries. By sticking to these two commitments my Values remain sacred and my life will be filled with dignity, grace, and balance.

"Today I commit to live within my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."

Dig? Dig.

Peace,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Going to a conference related to my career tomorrow and the next day. Since it's in the entertainment biz I am expecting a few hundred huge egos and a competitive yet supportive vibe. My goal: to become a better artist and to widen my circle by ten new people. Also, find three possible producers for my newest project that I can approach either afterwards or at the conference.

I have to say that I am in the midst of a crisis of confidence. I really have to dig deep to the wellspring and find something to carry me through. Because right now there's no way I even want to go. Which makes me sad. A few weeks ago I was totally psyched about it. And now, I don't feel prepared or ready for it in any way. And the thing is, I have a kick-ass project that I want to let people know about. I fucking love it and I've worked really hard for the past year in between my paid gigs to make it good. It's a project that connects deeply to me and one of the things that I've always loved and connected to: music. It was the first thing that hit me in the gut, and made me pay attention to the "larger world". I just have to believe in myself and step up with COURAGE, ALIGNMENT, AND RESPECT. And the love of ADVENTURE.

All for now,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

040212
10:30am
Good morning. A good week last week. Faced a boatload of fear and met it square on. Proud of myself for stepping up. There was some stumbling along the way but overall very well done. Redid my signature here at RN which I use a form of Daily Mantra. That helped a lot too. Was at a writer’s conference on the wknd. Was a big thing for me to interact with other writers and mix and come up against my own insecurities, both social and workwise, in terms of status. I was happy that by the end I felt comfortable, I had found a comfort zone within it and was able to function quite well, with some confidence. This is the next step for me, increased “easy” confidence, the kind you don’t have to work at finding or projecting, it’s just there. Until then I need to be satisfied with hangin in and just being where I am. Always a challenge, being satisfied where one is at, right?

What kind of things can help with this? Meditation, yoga, swimming. My personal practice, spiritual and physical, needs some tweaking. Perhaps that’s why I’ve had some struggles lately. I need more attention spent on the maintenance of my daily life. Agreed.

Ok, this week, meditate 5 times, swim once. Yoga breaks every day along with work.

And, man, just be gentle, stay away from the harsh-love and critical thoughts and judgements. Lead with compassion, both for self and others.

Peace,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

0409
11:28am
Good morning. Scrambly a bit today. Dealing with reams of paper from my job, info upon info and all of it not quite what I need for the story I’m working on. Confusing and my head spinning a bit from its overwhelming nature. Too much, dig? So how can I deal with it all and maintain balance and calm?

Btw, my compulsions are good. I have been managing quite well, family has taken a priority, as it should, for the past few days with Easter. Spent some good family and extended family time. With kids and relatives. Nice.

And now back to work. So… I think I need to take a deep breath and organize the papers a bit. Then just start building the story as best I can, knowing that I won’t be perfect as I do so. I will not be perfect. Do I need to say that again? I won’t be… hah. Just do your best and get through this busy week. There’s also the water issues and dealing with lawyers and the deadline we have set for a man we may have to sue. There’s a lot of stress around this issue as well and it will likely come to a head in the next few days.

Ok. Meditation and physical exercise will be a big help I think. Bring it back over and over to health in the body and breath.

Done for now. I also resolve to post here more if I need to concretize my thoughts.

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

Big time stress right now with water / lawyers / house issues, and also work stuff piling up as I work to get through all that. Some stress between my wife and but we are working together on the water issues to good effect. I am happy about that. Trying to make good decisions for us and also factor in the Greater Good.

so, what Values can help me today?

HONESTY and RESPECT with all people in all situations
Developing a healthy value-based IDENTITY as a LEADER
Strengthening my role as HUSBAND AND FATHER
Maintaining my PHYSICAL HEALTH and EMOTIONAL BALANCE
UTILIZING DISCIPLINE AND EASE TO ENSURE ORDER AND ORGANIZATION IN ALL MY AFFAIRS

Breathe, don't forget to just simply breathe.

Peace,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

041612
10:51am
Good day, gotta be quick today as I’m on a deadline. Mucho water issues, lawyer stuff, all in the midst of writing writing writing. Big stress between my wife and I as a result because we have had to work together and manage the water issues, some high level communicating involved between us which can trigger impatience and anger. So far, we are working through it and doing ok. A reminder to seek balance throughout. I have been meditating everyday and I think that’s helped a lot a lot a lot. Keep that up.

Stay in the saddle and keep managing my life and engaging fully. The roots matter. The values. They run deep so honor them first. First. Am I serving my Values? That question can be a valuable guide moving through the day. Not just to root out compulsion (lately it’s been watching the hockey playoffs while I “work”) but to stay on track and on target.

Am I serving my Values?

All for now,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

042312
10:16am
Good morning. Water issues mostly resolved. HUGE relief. It’s been going on for almost three years. Managed fairly well, especially in the last four months. Some lapses along the way. Stepped up with my wife, both of us working it, in the past months since xmas. Progress on this front is a big load off. A big load off. Nice that we could work together on this and make headway together, that’s what a partnership is supposed to be like.
Doing taxes, traditionally a stressful time but compared to the water stuff it’s all kinda blasé. Like, bring it on. Actually feeling good doing the taxes. Breezy in a way. Hah. And a great feeling of being on top of it. Organization and Order are in my Values so perhaps that’s why. Really feels great to be organized and top of things. To be managing my life with confidence and some success. Nothing big is being neglected. Trying to keep all plates spinning. Simple, clean, attentive management.

This week also – another rewrite of the gig, managing other duties, prepping for next job. And on and on. Possibly adding an application for a program that I’d like to be involved with.

Stay grounded and connected to Values.

LAST WEEK: before I forget, had some very specific uses of my Action Plans last week that went very smoothly. At the pool. Staying with my mantra. And breath. To stay within Values. Just a nudging to keep me ontrack. Felt good. And led to deep connection with my wife, intimacy (another value).

So keep growing in this work. Deepen. More and more rooted.

All for now,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

043012
11:24am
Good morning. New week. Excited about it. Much to do and most of it my personal work which is always a relief. Working for me and on my own projects. The key will be to not let the time slip by without moving my projects forward. Dig? I often, when presented with these “open” weeks, just while away the time, waste it or fret it away. Leave it unstructured and a jumble. Which results in nothing really getting done.

So my time management will be important. Yes? Yes. Start today. Finish off taxes and get onto the VV script tweaks. Make sure I can stand by that script the way I need to for the following week. Very excited about that reading coming up on May 9th. And nervous. So, much to do. What else can help me do it the way I need to get it done. Meditation. Stretches. Being present and honest. And active. Stay on a schedule, plan daily and implement. And have fun. It feels like a fun week to me.

Also: stick with the mantra. I noticed a few times last week when it really helped ground me. In the pool especially and also after going into work and getting triggered by a young woman there. Went to the mantra to cut down the fantasies. It worked. Stayed within Values. Cut down and cut down and regrounded myself.

“Today I am committed to living within my Values and fully engaging my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred.”

For me, it’s all in that mantra, if I won’t commit to that mantra, the reasons I won’t are trouble and need to be dealt with immediately. If I won’t commit to that mantra, I need immediate action and a reorientation of thought and action. If I can commit to that mantra no matter what or where or who I am with, then I’m ok, I’m on the right path.

Done.

Do it!

Peace,

Ontrack

ontrack · **Joined:** Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm **Posts:** 288

050712
11:12am
Good morning. Back at the computer after a couple days mostly away. Always good to have breaks of various lengths. Starting a new gig today. Often problematic for me. The structuring of time. Feeling antsy just thinking about it. What can help?

Breaking down today into manageable chunks that are realistic. Staying ontrack. Make some simple management tasks a part of those goals for today. Focus on the step by step. Not the overall. Keep it simple. And within my Values.

Read a post just now and got triggered. Bring back breathing and thinking. What values for today? Integrity. Discipline and Ease create Order and Organization in all my affairs. Simple, simple, simple. And an overall commitment to my mantra:

Today I commit to living within my Values and fully engaging my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred.

Yes. Meditate more this week, five times, is also a realistic, concrete, and helpful goal. Do it.

Peace,

Ontrack

Shaw72 · **Joined:** Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am **Posts:** 1248

Hey ontrack

Just checking in and saying hi. I have found your recent posts helpful. Have had busy start to the year, and then hit some walls with work and pitching story ideas. Like you, I have personal writing projects outside the day job - but when I get some space to pursue them I mess about - partly because I worry about work.

I think it is related to my core RN issues. Work and being busy can be a way to distract myself. When things are quiet, I have to find other, lss healthy ways to avoid my internal life.

My own projects involve trying to write up some perssonal stuff into fiction - a comic version. My wife thinks it is a good idea, not for publication (I know how hard this is) but to deal with some issues. She also finds my chldhood blackly hilarious...

Also, like you. I went to a big deal launch with lots of journalists and writers, and kinda froze. I news some people and stayed with them rather than try meet others. there were some big egos that enjoyed the 'hi and bye' of the social scene. I found it hamrful to my own ego. Must learn to put this in context.

I need to focus. Not worry about things I can't control. I sometimes wonder if this life of writing isnt a bad idea for me. I suspect it is not always atttached to my own values. Too much me time!

Sorry to use your thread for this. You just helped - as always.

Shaw

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