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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm
Posts: 301
I posted this in my thread, thought I would also post it here in case anyone else wants to try this exercise (it's an old one of Jon's and a powerful one)

When I am "in" my addiction these are the emotions I feel --

darkness
self-loathing
scrambled, foggy
self-hatred
lonely
isolated
deep deep sadness
a feeling of "what's the use?)
suicidal
aggressive
tired
my thoughts are filled with "can't"s
hopeless
desolate
pathetic
like hiding
like vulnerability is a bad thing
cursed
stupid
like I'll never get it

When I am "in" values and living the life I value I feel:

Worthy
Special, talented
Blessed
Funny (sense of humour present)
Strong
Balanced
Able to tackle the world
Clean and clear
In my body and able to sense it
Connected to the universe / God
Like a decent, honorable man
I feel responsibility as a good thing
Capable
Confident
Like I'm a good husband and father
I feel my breath
I feel my Duty
Like being out in the open
Like vulnerability is a good thing

_________________
"Today I commit to deepen and strengthen my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:53 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:15 pm
Posts: 291
IDK if its so black and white for me. I compartmentalized a lot of my "selves" and I tucked my emotions for each in each. I would say that many of the emotions I felt were just a genuine even though they where segmented.

What feels different for me is the compete decrease in craziness and increase in true intimacy.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 9:44 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:44 pm
Posts: 301
HoneyCat wrote:
IDK if its so black and white for me. I compartmentalized a lot of my "selves" and I tucked my emotions for each in each. I would say that many of the emotions I felt were just a genuine even though they where segmented.

What feels different for me is the compete decrease in craziness and increase in true intimacy.


Hi Honeycat, I really like your above statement, rings very true for me.

The utter chaos of my life when I am in addictive behaviours is all-consuming and it effects literally every area of my life. As does the balance I feel when I am in values. The events of my life are similar (although it seems there's more shit hitting the fan when I am in addiction, and that it's unrelenting and constant) but how I respond to them is incredibly different. And the ability to feel deep and true intimacy... that is a beautiful gift of being in Values. For sure.

I was also thinking this morning how I am unable to really engage when I am in addiction and yet I also feel desperate to engage - and when balanced and in Values I am engaging and connecting with people and the world around me completely organically and spontaneously - in addiction I am an outsider forever watching from the sidelines, watching and envying others and their seemingly happy lives. This reminds me of many childhood feelings (I was sick a lot and felt many of these things) so maybe that's why I feel a pull in that direction, perhaps those old feelings are somehow comfortable for me. I am in the process of relearning what's healthy and "normal". By slowly and steadily reprogramming my physical and emotional self perhaps I will move forward...

Peace,

Ontrack

_________________
"Today I commit to deepen and strengthen my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."


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