Recovery Nation

Hi all

A Partner posted these two TED lectures on the partner's forum. My missus showed them to me and I thought they spoke to recovery as well as to the partners. Here they are:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on ... ility.html
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_li ... shame.html

I thought the first - pre-fame - lecture was rather better. Her thesis (if I understand it) is that many of us seek to numb our feelings today - through medication, booze, food, addiction - rather than be vulnerable. This means many things - but we could express it as daring to fail - in order to succeed. In work, in our marriages, friendship.

We are afraid to show the real us to someone else becaue we don't feel worthy of love and of that connection. Why? Shame. Men grow up with many preconceptions - that we must work, must succeed, must be strong. Vulnerability is perceived as weakness so we cover up - wwe pretend, we hide, lie and numb.

That struck me strongly. So did the idea of numbing.When we here on RN choose to numb our emotions with porn, sex, lies etc, we think we select only our negative emotions. The problem is these compulsive patterns are NOT SELECTIVE. We dont just numb our fears, anxieties, dark thoughts - we deep-freeze our capacity for joy, relationships, fun and love.

The answer - empathy. Reaching out beyond ourselves - identifying with other people - daring to be vulberable.

It is honestly good stuff. Give it a go.

Shaw

Thanks for posting those Shaw, also recommend her book which I got after that first TED talk made a big impression - it's a message I need to remind myself of for sure.


Brilliantly put

Cheers newme

I will definitely check out her book.

I want to thank my wife and the partners for pointing this out. I think she addresses the problems so many of us face. Fear and shame.

If we choose to hide this - and to hide from this - we leave ourselves open to the sorts of rituals, distractions and numbing procrastination that cause so much destruction in our life.

It is so hard to face that shame - but it is so tiring to keep running from it.

I hope others will watch. I am not a big self-help guy, but this is great. And chimes really well with RN.

Shaw