Recovery Nation

I just want to document what's been going on in my life in the last couple of months. Well, my brother didn't show up at my door but he did lose custody of his offspring and you-know-who got them. I had them here in my house for a month and a half and now my mom's got them at a new address. Last week we lost a close family member. To say that my life's been turned upside down would be serious understatement. I haven't been to church or Bible class regularly because I've been so weighted down with responsibility. Also because my brother started going to MY church now that he has no responsibilities. Fortunately, he will soon be moving out of the area and I can have my church family back. Now that his kids are out of my house we're trying to get back on schedule and work on our various self-improvement goals.

Ex 30A I wrote this way back in the beginning of October and am just now getting around to posting it. I don't even remember what its about...

-I struggle to think clearly thru all the emotion and stress rattling around in my head. This makes me afraid that people think I'm scatter-brained. Okay, yeah, that hasn't changed at all though now its due more to recent stress rather than PA.
-I need a lot of sleep, not an excess, but a lot. If I don't get 8hrs a night and a 1/2 hr nap a day then I'm too exhausted to be effective.
-Irritability. I'm trying really hard but his constant jokes and foolishness make me annoyed at him. Not conducive to communication.
-I feel like I'm using up every last drop of my energy just to "maintain" a low level of,basically, everything.
-I get sick more. When I'm stressed I seem to get every germ that comes down the pike which means that housework piles up and meals are quick and not very nutritious, which leaves us all feeling run down.
-I hate my sexual self because it relies on my H. I never know if he's responding to me or the Ken Follet novel or whatever raunchy book he's reading. I still have sexual urges, but I don't even want to masturbate because I over think my own fantasies now-even though I know they're normal. I over think everything about sex.
-My blood pressure has gone quite high.

Note: Ex 32 doesn't exist and ex 33 doesn't apply to me. So I can stop looking for those. PHEW!

I'm making a few notes here in order to help me put our situation into perspective. Also, it helps me to recognise my H's cyclical behavior:

- Of course, he's still not doing his lessons regularly. I've told him, clearly, many times what will constitute "regularly", ie. 2X week every week. He is now remembering (on his own) to do his twice weekly checkins with me. I reiterated these parameters again last night and added that he needed to chose 2 days to do his recov work and stick to it. No more "well, if its rainy and I can't work in the garden then I'll do it such and such a day..maybe." He chose Tues and Weds. I stipulated that a minimum of 1-1/5 hrs worth of work would be a reasonable goal. Last week he worked on them 1 hour (I finally got smart & wrote it on the calendar) while trying to tell me that he'd worked on it 2 hrs. Sameold,sameold, right?
-I'm now past ready to attach some consequences to this value. I don't know what yet but I'll have them ready for him Tues night when he finishes his lessons.