Recovery Nation

Hi Coach Sue, hi everyone,

Coach Sue, you recently suggested I could write out a mini-vision for the kind of partnership I would like to have in my life. My relationship with my partner was so strained at the time that I actually was unable to envision what a great partnership would be.

Now that things are slowly starting to get better, I want things to be even better, and I am ready to work on this mini-vision. I only want the best for my life, because I deserve the best !

I thought many of us partners could actually benefit from this exercise, so that's why I address this on the support forum.

So, Coach Sue, could you please share how would you go about writing out a mini-vision for a primary relationship ? (marriage, partnership)

Do I focus on the sort of partner I want, or the partner I want to be ? Or the partnership ?

How would you word it ? Present tense, like the vision we've established for the foundation of our lives in lesson 2 ?

Thanks in advance for your advice ! Any input from other members would of course also be greatly appreciated.

Hi overtherainbow –

What a great question! Our vision is the corner-stone of who we are and our road-map for our life! This is so important and a great topic!
You asked:

I believe this is from the workshop (but not sure ):

What you name this mini-vision is up to you. Mine was “My Vision of an exclusive/intimate relationship”.

I began my vision with “I am” statements.
Ex. – I am a commited partner. When I commit, I commit to only one partner at a time. (ect…..)

Then I added “my partner” statements.
My partner is a man with varied interests. (ect….)

Then, to further expand on my vision, I took my values and wrote about each value, based on my “exclusive/intimate relationship” vision. I found it useful to ask myself the question, “What does an exclusive/intimate relationship look like to me?

Values - Honesty
Honesty in an Exclusive/Intimate Relationship to me is (you fill in)

Then continue with your other values such as, Respect, Love, Communication, etc. - whatever and however many values you feel you need to include to really make your vision resonate with you.

By really getting into the nuts and bolts of your “mini-vision”, you will have a much better chance of really connecting with it at a deeper level.

I hope this has helped Overtherainbow.

Hugs -
Coach Sue

_________________
"You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose." Lisa Nichols

I would think you could write about all of it - what kind of partner you want to be, what kind of partner you want, and what the partnership looked like. It seems you could even break each of those down into different categories if you wanted. I would also think that writing it in here and now language would be helpful. When I have started with things like this, I started with a title (e.g. "me being a romantic partner"), then wrote adjectives, or short sentences. I may or may not pull that all together into a paragraph....sometimes the work feels pretty complete, just listing out the descriptions.

I was very resistant to this idea of visions and values when I first got here, since who I am transcends both of those things. But I really think they are wonderful tools that can help any of us ground our choices and decisions in what is important to us.

_________________

"What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

Coach Sue, thank you so much, you're really the expert on visions ! You have a way of explaining things with both logic and a great deal of detail - it gently eases me into doing this exercise. Thanks to your guidance, I think it will actually be a pleasant task for me to do.

Thanks for your reply Autumnrose. As a matter of fact, I didn't understand how writing out a vision for my life could help, and I still haven't completely integrated it. On the contrary, I immediately adhered and found comfort and inspiration with the whole values concept. I'll keep on trying the vision exercise. My next step will be : a vision for my sex life, but after I have a little more healing under my belt, because right now, I don't feel up to it... at all...

Great job, Coach Sue. I think we could all start mapping out this kind of mini-vision. Gives us the clarity we need. I will underline the importance of coming up with the "nuts and bolts" activities to breathe life into each element of your vision. It's the doing, the becoming, the following through - from my perspective anyway.


Nellie

hi there autumnrose,
Im not sure if this will help you but thought i would share it. this is something our couples csat therapist had me and my partner work on separately as we are in the midst of a therapuetic separation (which we are at the end of month two). She had us write about this.....

the kind of life you want to build together
the kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create
your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you aspire to be
the skills and knowledge necessary to do the above tasks

Also what do you need your s\a partner to do
what kind of partner do you need him to be

Hope that helps xx

You are welcome. I was guided by the best

_________________
"You are the designer of your destiny. You are the author. You write the story. The pen is in your hand, and the outcome is whatever you choose." Lisa Nichols

Yes, CoachSue, using "I am" statements. That's what I was trying to say with using here and now language. And to ease into an "I am" statement that doesn't feel true yet, I would say "I am willing to consider that I am...." Seemed to help me over the hump, if saying "I am ___" felt like a lie.


That sounds like a wonderful activity. I just found a csat counselor and am meeting with him this week. Very much looking forward to it....which surprises me some.

_________________

"What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

Bump !

Thanks for bumping, OverThe Rainbow

I'm still not able to consider sharing my life again yet, but I'm a lot closer than I was, and this post gives some great suggestions for a vision structure.

((( )))