Recovery Nation

I am a bit confused about what RN is suggesting on urge management and values based decision making. In terms of creating a break, and values based decision making (in later lessons). I am under the impression that you are supposed to 'create a break' whenever a compulsive urge comes; or mechanically make a values based decision with your proactive values and boundaries. I find this most challenging to do if I am having intense urges that return immediately after creating a break or making a values based decision. Am I supposed to be constantly creating breaks or re making values based decisions? That doesn't seem realistic. I feel like the answer is that I will just need to keep pursuing my values based action despite negative or compulsive thinking occurring in thought forms. But I doubt myself right now. I also don't particularly want those thoughts occurring, so at times I try to constantly redirect those thoughts with intentional thinking, presence or affirmations; but it can be mentally exhausting - but maybe that's okay and just part of it. Am I missing something here?

HI Laughing

A good question.


You are dead right it is not realistic. More to the point, if we created one long break whenevver an urge came on the effect would be that we were running away from ourselves. In other words, we could solve our addictions by creating one long break and avoid all the triggers that perpetuate our addiction. This is not just unrealistic - it fails to grasp values-based solutions.

Creating a break in your ritual is important - I find in the most prractical sense that physical movement is vital - to both stopping the ritual and the thoughts, and also starting a new process of clear and healthy thinking.

But making a break won't help if you don't use the space you create to halt those compulsive thoughts, calm your emotions and heighten your awareness. If you are just stopping briefly only to return to whatever you were doing, the urge may well return. You need to use the time and space you have won yourself to calm, think and then resolve to act. Make a choice.

As with so much on RN this is a learning process - and a gradual one. At first, the urges subside - they don't necessarily vanish completely. BUT: The more you practice - the better you get - the weaker the urge - the stronger your healthy instincts.

So you are right when you write:


You are also right to say:


None of us WANT these thoughts and feelings to occur, but we are stuck with them while we slowly learn to master our thoughts, as opposed to letting them master us.

That is the equation right now. We make a choice that lets our negative thoughts control our actions. We need to turn this on its head and control ourselves.

You are asking important questions. Keep striving. Change is gonna come.

Shaw

I agree Shaw.

Creating a break isn't just about stopping what you are currently doing.
I get the feeling laughingchild that in your case it's more pausing than stopping; pausing the unhealthy activity and simply waiting for it to pass; this will not work.
IMHO, creating a break is about creating a new healthy line of activity, mental and preferably physical.

For me it may be going to a different room and reading a book.
It may be picking up my guitar and playing some comfort songs.
It may be going for a walk and feeding the ducks in the park.
It may simply be taking a few deep breaths and focussing on my values.
It maybe taking out my wallet and looking at the pictures of my grandson.

The important thing is that I am redirecting my consious mind in a healthy direction, while also soothing myself with something that reflects my values and is therefor pleasing to me. If I can add a physical dimension (i.e. moving in some way) all the better.

The imprtant thing is to find the break strategy that works for you and then develop it.

Keep it simple

_________________
"..And be a simple kind of man, Be something you can love and understand" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

One of the things about later the lessons are the monitoring. Having a pulse on how your are feeling, what's going on in your life, etc. If you are reacting to temptations and strong urges then you have may have missed some key element in that monitoring to allow yourself to fall into such a vulnerable state. In other words, most times if we look back we can see that a low time of urges or acting out had their roots about a week or so before. Could be relationships, work, falling into patterns, isolation, etc.

A break is a last ditch effort to stop a slip. It is not meant as a means for long term recovery.