As coaches, it is our responsibility to ensure that the forums remain healthy and focused on learning/personal growth. The following is a general guide for coaches to use in relation to monitoring forum use. All major forum violations (e.g. personality conflicts, personal attacks, personal boundary violations, disclosures about personal contact outside the site, etc) should be reported in the coaching forum so that a determination can be made as to the appropriate action to take. All simple violations (inappropriate links, images, etc.) should be deleted immediately and a note made of it in the coaches forum.

Also, be sure to familiarize yourself with the Community Support Forum Guidelines, which are posted as a Sticky at the top of each forum.

Forum Code of Conduct

1. All users will post with the intention to promote their own recovery/healing, to find/offer support, to share personal experiences and/or to ask questions directly related to a workshop concept.

Note: the most common violations of this code involve individuals who

1) ask question after question without really applying any of the answers

2) focus more on debating a topic than understanding and applying it

3) focus more on emotional dumping than personal growth

4) want people to tell them what to do, rather than using the resources available to figure it out for themselves

5) focus more on other people's situations than their own (coaches excluded)

6) post frequently (debating, asking questions, venting, etc.) but don't start a healing/recovery thread

What to do:

Simply redirect them towards why they came to the site: for personal understanding and growth. Do this with compassion and respect. As coaches, we should be able to keep our eyes on the individual's ultimate goal most of the time (personal health), but people in the middle of such crises often-times won't.

2. All users will refrain from posting with the intention to harm, impose their beliefs on others or inhibit recovery/healing.

Note: the most common violations of this code involve individuals who

1) directly confront their partners in an effort to vent their anger, or embarrass/isolate them from the community

2) have a hyper-religious perception of recovery and/or healing and believe that salvation is the only way to health (or that the reason for one's addiction is Satan)

3) are random pranksters looking to upset the community

What to do:

For #1, do not take sides. Do not delete the post. Do not confront the couple alone. Share what is going on in the coaches forum and notify Jon via PM. We will decide as a team what to do next.

For #2, if you feel comfortable communicating thoughts along the line of "this is what one person has found to be helpful in her approach to addiction; but others have found other approaches more in line with their belief system. For instance, (add your approach here)." If you don't feel comfortable with that, notify Jon.

For #3, delete the post(s) immediately and note them in the coaches forum. Jon will then use the 'ban' feature to permanently deny them access to the site.

3. All users will treat others with respect regardless of their gender, age, ethnic background, recovery background, lifestyle choices or religion. Additionally, because this is a site that exists to help people who have on occasion engaged in reprehensible behavior, it is essential that they too, be treated with respect. Respect for the changes they are striving to make.

Note: the most common violations of this code involve individuals who

1) dehumanize those with addictions

2) are in a personal crisis and intentionally/unintentionally project the focus of their feelings onto 'safer' targets--such as other workshop participants or coaches

3) emotionally immature and/or 'in-crisis' individuals who lack the current ability to manage even slight conflict, disagreement and/or criticism

What to do:

For #1, for a single post, there is no need to do anything. But if you recognize a pattern developing with a particular individual, consider sending them a private message sharing your observations. Depending on their response, consider involving other coaches to help you manage the situation.

For #2, do not confront this directly or attempt to educate them to this pattern. Simply try to redirect them to their own personal development goals. As always, if you ever get in a situation where you don't know what to do next, consult with the rest of the team through the coaches forum.

For #3, this is one of the more potentially volatile situations you will face as a coach. The goal is not to step in between two people in conflict; or if the conflict is with you, it is not for you to go beyond your initial response. In other words, don't try to argue your point. (Note however, the difference between arguing your point and clarifying it.) Once a conflict has been detected, turn it over to the coaching team. In no situation should you try to 'convince' anyone of your 'rightness' or their 'wrongness'. It isn't worth the effort. Nor should you ever walk away from the computer ruminating about someone else's stubbornness and/or ignorance. Your energy is too valuable to be wasted in such ways.

Once you gain some experience in managing these situations, you will feel quite comfortable in simply 'walking away' with very little emotion having been expended in conflict. Then, when you return, you can refocus your attention on others who are more receptive to your unique skills and experiences.

4. Posts should not contain unnecessary hurtful/offensive language.

What to do:

1) When appropriate, send the person a PM explaining why you are deleting the post. Then, delete the post and make a note of it in the coaches forum. Should that user go on to post additional offensive and/or abusive messages; or should they respond to your notification in anger, contact Jon and explain the situation. They will then be either banned or suspended--depending on the situation.

Over the past five years, we have been very fortunate to have very few circumstances in which posts have had to be deleted. There were several times in the past where spammers would send 'spam bots' to auto-register/auto-post filth, but that has not been an issue for nearly two years. We are quite fortunate that the great majority of people in our community abide by, and even embrace the same values and boundaries as we strive to uphold.

5. For the safety of the community, no outside communication--including attempts to communicate--with members outside of this site will be tolerated. All participants agree to refrain from providing any identifying and/or personal information that can lead to contact outside the scope of this workshop. The intent of this is to avoid unhealthy relationships developing between unhealthy people.

Note: the most common violations of this code involve individuals who

1) recruit workshop participants to engage in outside services and/or support

2) individuals in recovery who engage in predatory grooming behavior with other partners or workshop participants

What to do:

For #1, an argument could be made that there is some potential value to allowing this type of communication. Further arguments could be made that we have no right to stop it. But, because the relationship originated on this site...and because of the nature of the people coming to this site for help...we must take the road of 'better safe than sorry'. Anyone found engaging in such extracurricular communication will be asked to go through a formal disclosure process to determine whether anything unhealthy had transpired. In some cases, the signing of an electronic waiver will be offered so that the relationship can be maintained without it affecting either person's status on the site. In other cases, you will be asked to cease the extracurricular communication. In still other cases, cases where unhealthy behavior has occurred...a determination will be made as to each individual's culpability and consequence.

There is a major exception to this rule, however. This exception involves same sex partners (as in, one partner in healing and another partner in healing) communicating with each other for ongoing support. It is the position of RN that partners on this site are not subject to the same restrictions in building their social network as those in recovery. This applies only to same sex, partner and partner communication though. Any external communication between partners and those in recovery (with the exception of their own partner, obviously) is prohibited.

For #2, notify Jon immediately and an investigation will be started.

6. Participation on this site is intended to be anonymous. Forum participants are instructed not to provide anyone associated with the site their full name, phone number, address, e-mail address, place of employment, social security number, credit card information or other such identifying information. The exception to this would be those in professional coaching.

What to do:

If you notice that personally-identifying information is posted on someone's thread...delete it immediately. PM the author to explain why. If you are concerned that certain information is so specific that it could potentially identify an individual, share your concerns with that individual.

If you discover that this information is being presented in an effort to establish a relationship outside the scope of this site...notify Jon.

7. Posts containing advertisements or links will be scrutinized.

Note: the most common situations involve individuals who

1) post spam to drive traffic to other websites

2) post links to websites that they sincerely believe may be of value to the community

What to do:

For #1, immediately delete link. There is no need to notify anyone. The rules are stated clearly on the forum.

For #2, first consider who posted the link. If it is a member of the community with more than 25 posts, it is likely they are sincere about sharing this link. If they have less than five posts, it is likely they have ulterior motives. In either case, links to healthy websites may be posted with permission (after a vetting process has occurred to ensure the site is conducive to health). Contact Jon to begin the vetting process.

8. Workshop participants should only post in their respective forums unless specifically asked to post in another forum.

Note: the most common violations of this code involve

1) partners posting on the recovery side without being asked to

2) people in recovery posting on the partner's side without being asked to

What to do:

For both, consider the situation and the content of the post. If it is a through-and-through healthy, supportive post, then nothing needs to be done unless a complaint is filed. If it is a critical and/or controversial post, and the thread did not specifically ask for thoughts from both sides, privately contact the poster and remind them of the site's guidelines. If it is a repeat offender and/or there is conflict between the author of the thread and the poster, turn it over to the coaching team.

9. Only coaches and mentors (and the authors themselves) are permitted to respond to individual recovery/healing threads--unless specifically asked to by the author of that thread. Encourage participants to use the private message option or the community forum to directly address another user.

Note: the most common violation of this code occurs:

1) When someone posts (without being asked to) in another's recovery or healing thread

What to do:

a) Check to make sure the person who posted isn't a coach or mentor. The only people who should now be posting in other's threads are those who have coach or mentor attached to their names.

b) Read it for it's intent. If the intent is good and the comments thoughtful, copy the post and send it back to the original poster with a summary of the rules of posting and a suggestion that they either send this to the individual via PM, or post the comments separately on the forum. If the intent is 'in your judgment' deemed to be trivial (or worse), simply delete it and notify the poster of the rules and the need to respect the sanctity of other's threads.

c) If the feedback is not received positively, get Jon involved immediately. This community has a specific purpose and is individually-focused. We need to establish a safety zone for each thread that represents the individual's cumulative development, exploration and insight.

d) If the poster IS a coach or mentor and you question their judgment, ethics or appropriateness of the feedback offered, copy it and send it to Jon or Pilar immediately. If you KNOW--without any question--that it is destructive, copy and delete it. Then notify Jon or Pilar. Do not confront anyone, especially other coaches.

e) If the poster IS a coach or mentor and the person who owns the thread has voiced a concern about the post...remove it immediately and send Jon copies of the original post and the concern. Jon will mediate as appropriate.