Couples Health Challenge

The couple's challenge is a month-long series of partnership activities geared towards integrating companionship into a relationship damaged by sexual addiction.

Unlike the workshops, the Couple's Health Challenge has no requirements, no expectations and you can pick and choose the activities you want to participate in. For instance, you are welcome to participate in any of the weekly activities, but choose not to participate in the online group. Or, to take part in the couple's training, but not the individual training exercises. The purpose of this challenge is not to drain either of you, but to nourish the roots of your friendship. This is a fun thing. Everything is geared towards temporarily removing the focus from 'addiction and recovery' and placing it on rediscovering the humanity that exists within each of you. Each Couple's Challenge will be unique, so couples can feel free to participate in as many challenges as they wish.

Note: For those simultaneously participating in the recovery, partners' or couples' workshops, this challenge will be a supplement to your efforts there--not a substitution.

There are three 'rules' to participation:

1) There will be no focusing on addiction, recovery and/or any associated consequence of addiction/recovery while engaged in the activities. You will get enough of this exploration through the workshops and life in general. These activities will help you develop areas of your relationship that fall beyond the boundaries of sexual addiction recovery...yet are paramount in developing a healthy, nurturing friendship.

2) You must approach each activity with an attitude that is rarely found in addiction recovery: playfulness. The activities are not designed as 'pass/fail' but rather, as a means of opening lines of communication and exploration within your relationship that have (likely) been dormant for a long time. Upon the completion of this challenge, you should each have rediscovered aspects of the other that will trigger thoughts such as, "That's why I fell in love with him!" Or, "I never realized that she was that much fun!"

3) Neither of you can have any expectations, judgments, etc. towards the other in relation to any challenge activity. When you see what you will be doing and why...you will understand why this last rule is critical. Part of this challenge is to determine compatibility and so, forced participation (through guilt, pressure, etc.) simply can't happen. Put it this way, if your partner has the opportunity of setting aside several hours each week to put all of the 'crap' aside and focus simply on enjoying each other's company...working together to overcome certain playful challenges...and chooses not to take advantage of that? Your relationship has little chance to succeed anyway. At that point, there is no friendship...and so, there is no partnership.

How do we join the challenge?

Use the Contact Us form. Be sure to enter a reply email address and the user names of BOTH participants.

What if I want to participate but my partner doesn't?

Because the nature of this challenge is to work together, both will need to participate. This means that, at a minimum, each should want to work on rebuilding a friendship with the other person--even if the decision to reconcile as partners has not yet been made.

Are there couples who shouldn't participate?

Yes. This challenge is ideal for those couples who want to move forward, but don't know how. And, for those who have moved forward, but want to supplement and strengthen that effort.

This challenge is not recommended for couples who are actively engaged in an emotionally intense or volatile situation. Those in the immediate aftermath of the discovery, for instance. There needs to have been some emotional distance experienced from the discovery of the addiction. Also, it is not recommended for couples who are unsure of whether or not they want to rebuild a friendship. It is okay if they are uncertain about their future as partners...but there must be a mutual commitment by each to at least remain friends. If there is not, many of the activities will be 'one-sided' and thus, lose their impact.

Is it a competition?

Yes and no. Each activity has a certain measure of competitiveness to it--either competing against other couples, each other or yourself. But, it is not the type of competition where there are winners and losers. There should only be winners and winners...with some just happening to win a bit more.

Are there prizes?

Yes, and they are measured in the same category as the prize 'won' when an individual with an addiction takes on the challenge of ending that addiction. Or a person who has been traumatized by another's addiction takes on the challenge of rebuilding independence, control and stability in their life. Here, the prize will be the opportunity to rebuild a friendship with your partner--regardless of whether or not your partnership survives.

When is the next 'Couples Challenge'?

The next couple's challenge is scheduled to begin June 1st, 2008. Once registered, you will receive a Welcome email that will detail the June challenge and list the general schedule of activities/events. On June 1st, all participants will receive the specific activity information for that week. On June 8th, the next weekly activity will be sent. And so on.

All couples are encouraged to participate--the cost is free.

Note to those who know me and the site's financial struggles: I know, I know. I just can't help myself. I hate to think of anyone not participating in such a wonderful program because they can't afford it. So, like most features on this site, this tool is also free--though donations to help support the continuing mission of RN are welcome.