"I'm being stalked." Help.

If only there were an easy answer to this. Because there are so many completely different motivations for stalking, developing a single plan of action is not only impossible, but potentially dangerous. Before considering a course of action, you must first attempt to understand why the behavior is occurring. That does not mean that you must discover why you have been targeted, rather, it means understanding why is this person stalking in general.

For instance, if the person stalking you is a complete (or relatively obscure) stranger, you can be fairly certain that they are suffering from romantic delusions and the potential for an early resolution is good. You are simply a random object of their delusional processes--not the first, nor the last. Most likely, your intervention will be to limit any type of emotional connection. These delusions are triggered by your emotions, as those suffering from romantic delusions are involved in an all-encompassing battle to experience the ultimate love. No matter what emotions you may experience--from anger, to fright, to kindness--the romantic stalker feeds from it to become even more committed to the pursuit. Confrontation in such a situation is the ultimate fuel for a stalker. The emotions created from the confrontation creates an "all or nothing" environment, where the stalker believes that not only are you their perfect mate, but that they will now have to go to extraordinary lengths to prove it to you. It is a situation that you cannot win, because it is a situation that you have no control over. Remaining firm, yet emotionless in the face of such a stalking gives you your best chance at removing the triggers the romantic stalker needs to regulate their emotions. When that happens, they will usually turn their pursuit to another target. Obviously, notifying the proper authorities is important. Background checks are also an excellent resource in determining the potential for the situation escalating to include dangerous behavior. Restraining orders, in the case of romantic stalkers, can be an effective tool if implemented early. If, however, the stalking has already begun to escalate and involves threats of violence and/or death--these threats should be taken extremely seriously as the romantic stalker will not be influenced by threats of criminal prosecution. He has created a reality that can only be validated by you falling in love with him. In extreme cases, the only way that he can maintain this reality, when it is clear that he cannot win your love, is to end your life. And often, his own as well. There is no legal or rational means for convincing him otherwise.

Another stalking situation is when the stalker is someone you have had a relationship with, and who simply will not let you go. Though there are similarities in the overall delusional realities that these individuals have formed, this is a much more dangerous situation. In romantic stalking, the motivation is often that of getting themselves into a position where the target can get to know them. They are convinced that once this happens, the target will fall hopelessly in love and they will be together forever. In the type of stalking that occurs after a break-up, the motivation is often rage, possessiveness and jealousy. Romantic stalking may still take place in such a situation, but often it is about control. The stalker sees the target as something he owns, and will do everything he can to force the target into submission. This type of stalking, though not necessarily falling under the auspices of sexual and/or love addiction, can rapidly transform into violence. Rape is a common occurrence. Responding to such a stalking is really a catch-22 for the target. Notifying the authorities is a must, yet can often trigger extreme reactions. At the same time, not notifying the authorities allows the stalker's delusions of control to grow stronger, and the stalking pattern more and more pronounced. In all cases of stalking, you should never have to deal with the emotions alone. This is a very traumatic event and professional counseling is warranted.

There was a time when much stalking behavior was considered hyper-romantic. That time has passed. All stalking is a sign of someone who at the very least, has serious issues with healthy socialization, boundaries, etc. Take all stalking situations very seriously.