Reducing the Threat of a Sexual Predator

There are realistic things you can do that will reduce your chances of being victimized by a sexual predator. Though it is not our intention to minimize the seriousness of sexual predation, we want you to think of it, for just a moment, as a game. In this particular instance, we will use a common game engaged in by delusional stalkers. The predator is presented with some type of stimulus that makes you the target of the game. A smile. A conversation. An action that they observed you making. From here, they begin the game of making you a part of their life. The only rules they are bound by are those that allow them to collect as much information as they can about you: where you live, what's your favorite shampoo, what you like to do on Friday nights. They win the game by gathering enough information on you to finally make contact and get you to fall (instantly, preferably) in love with them.

And while this is merely one such game--others may include violence, power, intellectual superiority, goal-achievement and more--the underlying factor is that you are not being seen as a real, live person. You are a fantasy. You are an object to be used in the particular game that they are playing. Except to them, it is anything but a game. It is a reality based in delusions and compulsions.

Sexual predators look for opportunity. Returning to the first situation (that of the romantic stalker), such opportunity comes from their skewed perceptions (i.e. they believe you feel a certain passion about something because of "the look in your eyes" or that you are lonely because of a certain perceived voice quality you display.) Often, there is nothing you can do to avoid the potential for becoming a target, as nothing short of social isolation can prevent it from happening. There are, however, subtle behaviors that you can add to your routine that will help to minimize the triggers for sexual predation.

Things to do to limit the potential for sexual predation:

• Limit the personal information that you share with strangers. A common strategy for sexual predators in gaining personal information is to stand behind you in a shopping line and look over your shoulder as you access your checkbook/license to pay for your items. Don't keep personal letters or diaries at work. Secure personal emails with passwords or delete them altogether from shared environments.

• Listen to your instincts. If your gut tells you that something feels seems weird about a particular person or situation, listen to that feeling. Being considerate is a nice quality, but not at the expense of your safety. If you misread a particular person or situation, and their intentions were indeed just, you will have lost nothing more than the opportunity for a relationship. If, however, their intentions were otherwise, you will have taken away a trigger for the sexual predator. Always listen to your instincts when it comes to having "a weird feeling" about someone or something.

• Be unemotional yet firm when turning down an unwanted social advance. Do not make the mistake of trying to "let them down easy" or of intentionally embarrassing or humiliating them. Both strategies can trigger unwanted and potentially dangerous reactions. The best option? Thank them for the offer, but tell them that you are not interested and leave it at that. Attempting to explain why you are turning them down, or trying to act compassionate or sincere in this type of situation can trigger the type of "perceived information" that the romantic stalker thrives on. It simply isn't worth the risk when dealing with a stranger. If they persist, they obviously do not respect your feelings, and you have become nothing more than an object to conquer. Insist that they leave and take appropriate action if they do not. DO NOT WORRY about how you might be perceived, or whether or not you made the right decision. If they would not respect your initial wishes, then you made the right decision.