Identifying the Consequences

The purpose of this lesson is to assist you in gaining a more complete understanding of the consequences that your partner's compulsive behavior has had on your life. Previously, you were asked to brainstorm a list of all such consequences. If you have not already done so, please complete this list now.

What you will likely find as you continue to progress through the healing process is that there will be additional consequences yet to be uncovered. New ways that your partner's behavior will have affected your life that simply cannot be identified at the moment. Possible examples of such consequences can be found:

  • in the way that you raise your children--especially boys. Being hypersensitive towards signs that they may be "like him" and thus, stifling their natural, healthy sexuality.
  • in the changes that occur to your social circle. Who you are friends with; who you are not friends with.
  • in the location of where you have chosen to live.
  • in your expectations of future romantic relationships. Highly distrustful, hypersensitive to sexual issues.
  • in your own promiscuity. One common reaction from the partner of a sexually compulsive person, is their own venturing into such behavior in an attempt to "understand". Often, this leads to significant destruction of their own values...and their own destructive behavior continues as a natural reaction to their partner's behavior. Though they may hate themselves for engaging in the behavior, it is actually a consequence of their partner's sexual addiction.
  • in your financial struggles. Sexual addiction often results in enormous energy and time loss. Often, this takes away from the very day-to-day activities that are necessary to manage "life". Previously passed off as "not being good at that kind of stuff"...such procrastinating, irresponsible behavior is often a consequence of sexual addiction. Such behavior is not capable of producing emotional satisfaction, so they spend their energy on other behaviors--more pleasant behaviors. And you pay the price.
  • in your own self-esteem. While this may not be a hard consequence to identify, it will be all of the discoveries that you will make along the way that will lead you to an understanding of just how much of an affect the sexual addiction has had on your own identity. This is especially true in issues relating to intimacy, sexuality and your ability to "stimulate" your partner psychologically.
  • in the way that you view others--making hasty judgments based on similarities with your partner. Viewing others with anger or resentment for being attractive. Becoming jealous and hypersensitive during social events.
  • in the time and energy you have spent "checking" on your partner.

These are all common adjustments that people have made after having been affected by the sexually compulsive behavior of others.