Coaching involves the possibility of facing any number of emotionally challenging situations. The following is meant to be used as a reference to guide you.

Note: Always remember, you are never facing these situations alone. You will always have a whole team standing beside you for support, guidance and/or to take over when a situation falls beyond your comfort zone.

Managing participant vs participant conflicts

Determine whether this is a healing vs recovery conflict. If so, refer each to the boundaries of the site as a means for ending the conflict. Each person should have the ability to share their thoughts, perceptions and feelings openly and safely in their own forum. If this is a recovery vs recovery, or partner vs partner conflict, use your best judgment as to how to mediate the conflict. Defer to the coaching team when you begin to feel the slightest bit unsure of yourself.

Managing participant vs coach conflicts

If you find yourself in an emotional conflict with a workshop participant, immediately stop all further correspondence with that person until a plan of action can be developed. Share the situation on the coaches forum and allow others to guide you in developing this action plan. Usually, this will involve your withdrawing from the conflict and having other coaches take the primary role in offering him/her feedback down the road.

The bottom line to this situation is that, while role modeling conflict resolution may have its benefits...the emotional toll it takes on coaches is not worth it. Sadly, for every one individual who may not recognize the value of your thoughts and experience, there are a thousand who are waiting in the wings for exactly what you have to offer. Wasting time and energy arguing the validity of your points with someone who is not receptive to your message makes little practical sense. Move on quickly, quietly and confidently.

Managing an actively suicidal person

This is a scary situation for any coach to be in. You are working with a workshop participant and they state that they are considering suicide. What should you do? First, remind yourself that you are not a counselor. You are not a therapist. You do not have the ability and/or training to determine the severity of the threat they are to themselves; nor is your responsibility to 'talk them out of suicide'. It is to encourage them to get professional help. This is not a situation for you to project the image of knowing what you are doing. In fact, feel free to say something along the lines of, "When you talk about suicide, that indicates the need to talk with someone with more skill than I have. I know about addiction (or healing), but all I know about suicide is how horrible you must feel to think that that is your only option. Do you have a therapist you can call? Or the number to a crisis line? If not, let's find one."

As a fact, some people refer to threats of suicide as a manipulation. Others refer to them because they honestly see no other option. You do not have the training to determine what you are actually facing and so, just do your best to show compassion and empathy until a plan to get more professional help is obtained.

In very rare situations (it has yet to happen in the five year history of the site), when you believe that imminent threat of severe harm is present [e.g. they state they 'are' going to kill themselves; they state they have already taken action to kill themselves (cut their wrists, ingested drugs, etc.)], extraordinary measures must be taken. Notify Jon immediately, using his personal number.

When a coach makes a mistake

Openly, humbly admit it. There is no shame in being imperfect--as everyone recognizes that reality in others, but often times struggle to apply it to themselves. As quickly as you can, put it in perspective. Recollect how much value you bring to those in need and all you have offered to the site selflessly. If this mistake was a major one, involving violations of site and personal boundaries, contact Jon in private. We will work through it.

When a coaches' post has been misunderstood

Clarify any points that you think need clarification. Ask for confirmation of certain points. Ask questions. Ask them to ask further questions. Make the education process as synergistic as possible.

When a coaches' post has been antagonistically challenged

If you are emotionally up for the challenge...and your goal is not to 'prove yourself', but merely work to make your thoughts known...go for it. But ONLY when it is experienced by you as an opportunity to either reinforce or expand your current understanding of the material being challenged. Personally, I sometimes look for such challenges just to stimulate depth and awareness relating to a certain topic. But be forewarned, it can be emotionally draining. On the other hand, if your goal is to take on this challenge in order to convince someone of your point of view, let the challenge go. It's not worth it. Others will step up and share their thoughts. And ultimately, that individual will either revisit what you were saying with an open mind, or they won't. Either way, you will have already helped ten others in the time it would have taken you to debate the challenge.

When a fellow coach is 'wrong'

There are so many possibilities here, that the blanket statement is to use good judgment. If you are unsure of what to do, ask Jon. If Jon is the coach you think is 'wrong', ask me anyway, smile. I will respect your thoughts and definitely won't take them personally. I have actually become a master at humility--as I have had so many opportunities to perfect it! If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts directly with the coach in question, feel free to do so. The only thing you DON'T want to do is to confront the coach openly on the site. Even in the coaches' forum. This should be handled privately through that coach or through Jon.

Dealing with child molestation, rape, violence or other felonious behavior

Post the situation in question in the coaches' forum so that a plan of action can be developed. In any case that is potentially volatile, I would prefer to take the lead in managing it--thus keeping the volunteer coaching staff insulated emotionally and legally.

Dealing with coaching burnout

If you adopt the values and boundaries of RN coaching, you shouldn't experience the 'burnout' phenomenon. But, such positions are highly susceptible to burnout. What are the signs? Apathy, dehumanization of the people you are working with, depression, a lack of meaning/value in what you are doing, a sense of 'going through the motions', etc. If you experience ANY of these signs for more than a day, contact Jon.

What to do if you have crossed someone else's boundaries

Cease all contact with that person and contact Jon privately. We will develop an action plan together.

What to do if someone else has crossed your boundaries

That will depend on your skill level. If you know what to do, do it. If you don't, post the situation in the coaches' forum and work with the team to build an action plan.

What to do if you have crossed your own boundaries

Stop what you are doing immediately. If the boundary violation is mild, you will likely know what to do to manage it. If the boundary violation is severe--causing personal distress, contact Jon privately and we will work out a plan together.

This is an ongoing tool. As additional situations arise, we will add them to this reference. If you already know of additional situations that you would like to see addressed, post them in the coaches' forum. BUT, develop an 'first draft' of how you think the situation should be handled as a part of that post. ;-)