Coaching Philosophy, Values and Boundaries

It is not our goal in coaching to solve people's problems or to end their addictions. Instead, we seek to provide them with the tools they will need to solve their own problems. This requires the need to look beyond what is intellectually provided in the workshops and put those insights into a context that people can understand. As coaches, our individuality and personal experience is just as important as our mastery of the workshop material. Collectively, we offer so much more to those in need than any one of us can possibly offer alone. Given that it is our philosophy to support the individual's right to choose which healthy options fit them best, having two coaches with different interpretations and experiences in applying the same principles can offer a single workshop participant much more than a thousand coaches saying the same thing (though such consistency in the latter has its uses as well!). In other words, we want you to share your knowledge and insights as you have come to know them, not as is classically presented on the site.

However, while this individuality is respected, there are common values and boundaries that must serve as the foundation for your coaching. These are:

Regarding Addiction:

Addiction is a destructive behavioral pattern that has developed to serve a useful purpose in one's life. While the long-term consequences can be devastating, addiction also serves as an effective tool for short-term emotional management. And a very powerful tool at that--one that comes to dominate other, less mature life management tools such as values, prioritization and decision-making.

It is our belief that, while specific addictions have unique properties that must be considered in recovery, it is the foundation of a person's addiction that must be addressed in order for a permanent transition away from addiction to occur. To do otherwise is to invite recurring relapse, addiction-switching and symptom-chasing.

Regarding Compulsions:

Compulsions in and of themselves are not bad. It is when these compulsive rituals trigger destructive consequences that one's compulsions must be addressed. When an ongoing pattern of unwanted compulsive behavior develops, this can be considered an addiction. There is very little difference in the way that recovery from addiction and/or compulsive behavior is approached. Throughout the site, destructive behavior is commonly referred to in the context of the more comprehensive pattern: addiction.

Regarding Recovery:

Recovery is the process of transitioning from a destructive lifestyle to a healthy one. How this recovery takes place can take on many forms, though we strongly advocate for a value-based, life management approach. In this regard, it is indeed a permanent process. Once a person has made a complete transition to a healthy lifestyle, non-dependent on compulsive behaviors to establish emotional intensity, only a willful transition back to a destructive lifestyle will allow addiction to return. The relapse prevention program is structured to ensure that this never happens.

Regarding Religion:

While Recovery Nation does not advocate for any particular religion, nor does it require spiritual belief, it does encourage that whatever a participant believes, they integrate that belief system into their life management strategy. Religion can be a very powerful value to use in helping to stabilize a life. Similarly, agnosticism/atheism can be an extremely powerful value in stabilizing the way in which a participant identifies with the world around them. The goal of this site is to end patterns of addiction, not to engage in moral debate or proselytizing. Whatever it is a patient believes, our goal is to coach them towards drawing value from those beliefs.

Regarding the Twelve Steps:

The twelve steps, and any other program of recovery, is good if it is being effectively applied by the individual. We don't care if it is effective for others; we care about the effectiveness on the individual. If THEY are actively pursuing a twelve step recovery and are finding success in it, then it is a good program. For THEM. That is all that matters.

Deriving Meaning and Value from Coaching
The most effective coaches are those who find personal meaning and value in helping others recover and/or heal. They are not doing so out of obligation, but out of a sincere desire to guide those who are now where they once were.

Genuineness
The most effective coaches are those who offer themselves not as ‘experts’, but as real people. They share their imperfections with humility and humor. They share their failures with as much pride as they do their achievements. They do not see themselves as ‘above’ any other person; simply more experienced in certain areas. When they make mistakes, they put those mistakes into perspective. They do not take themselves too seriously.

Diversity
There are many paths to health. This is a fact. That a health-based approach is typically the most efficient is not to be confused with it being the only. As a coach, you will want to embrace all types of recovery and/or healing options--assessing them not through your belief system, but through the effectiveness of how that individual is applying those beliefs. This can be tricky at first, but becomes much easier with experience. As a general rule, if they are feeling successful in their application of a particular belief structure, embrace that structure as a part of any feedback you offer. Don't challenge it. On the other hand, if they are struggling with the implementation of that belief structure, that is when you should feel comfortable offering alternatives. Most of the people that come to this site are indeed struggling--which is why they have come to the site.

Personal Health
RN coaches should be fundamentally healthy. This does not mean that they must be free from personal crisis, only that each should have experienced a period of relative health and stability following their own recovery/healing. For partners, this would include a personal recognition that they have managed to regain stability in their lives in the wake of the original discovery. For those in recovery, this would mean that they have effectively implemented the principles of a health-based recovery--even if they have not yet mastered those principles.

Education
Every coach should have gained intellectual competence in the skills that they are teaching. Ideally, they will have gone through their respective workshop and will have mastered that material. That is not necessary to be a coach, however. If you have experience/education in other approaches and can effectively integrate that knowledge into the principles involved in a health-based approach, that is enough. However, when this is the case, you will be asked to limit your coaching to the community forum; and NOT post in the workshop forum—as the purpose of that forum is to teach the specific skills of a health-based recovery. Someone who does not know those skills can hardly serve as an effective coach in teaching them. But you are more than welcome to learn.

Experience
The most effective coaches are those who have achieved success in their recovery/healing because they have effectively applied the concepts/skills involved. As a practice, RN tends to shy away from ‘philosophical’ coaches who have learned about addiction and/or recovery from a book or divine intervention. As in, a therapist who learned about sexual addiction/recovery in school. Or someone who quit ‘cold-turkey’ and has little insight into the process of their recovery beyond 'willpower'. Or someone who ‘turned their life over to God’ and thus, has little insight into the process of healing beyond 'faith'. Not that all of these aren’t important…they are. But we need coaches who have been there. Coaches who have enough experience to get down into the trenches with those in need and guide them to health.

Personalization
The most effective coaches are those who value the people coming to us as individuals struggling to navigate a major transition in their life. They are coaches who will not lose sight of the fact that these are real people in need, not merely ‘addicts’ or ‘partners of addicts’. Additionally, the most effective coaches will remain consciously aware that the partners of those they are working with are people, too. That they are not labels; they are every bit as human as the person you are working with. There are some exceptions to this, but not many.

Depersonalization
The most effective coaches are those who can separate themselves from the people they are working with. In other words, they have a clear understanding of the path that people must walk…but they do not get personally involved in whether or not those individuals actually walk that path. If people reject the path they are being shown, the most effective coach will simply smile and move on to the next person seeking help. They won’t feel the need to ‘save’ that individual or convince them to save themselves.

Independence
The most effective coaches will encourage the participants to do the majority of the work, rather than doing the work for them. This may mean that sometimes clients will struggle and even abandon their recovery...let them. A values-based approach fosters independence and personal responsibility, not dependency.

Community Health
The most effective coaches will encourage and actively develop a healthy support community. That means that we will closely monitor the forums for personal attacks, emotional conflicts, unhealthy links, etc. Conflict is good; debate is good. But from within certain boundaries and from within certain contexts. Good coaches will challenge the beliefs of their clients; but not seek to change them--unless such change is absolutely necessary. Our goal is for participants to seek change in themselves.

It is another goal of RN coaches to facilitate generally positive and constructive growth. Some venting is necessary and healthy; but we do not want the culture of the site to change into an emotional purge. We want the main theme to be based on personal development and an active transition towards health.

Encouraging an Active, Healthy Approach
The most effective coaches will encourage clients to remain focused on what issues are relevant to their current developmental needs. It means that as we assess individual posts, we assess them for the context in which they were posted. Certain graphic posts may be completely inappropriate in certain contexts and completely appropriate—and even exceptional—in others. Experience will play the biggest role in helping determine which is which. When we recognize that a client seems to be losing focus, it is our job to provide this observation—letting the client do with it what they will.

Boundaries for Healthy Coaching
Each coach should have their own personal boundaries that will guide them in their coaching. Additionally, they should adhere to the site’s coaching boundaries. These are:

• No romantic and/or sexual contact between coach and client in any capacity--this includes flirting and/or other 'grooming' behavior

• No selling of RN services for the sake of making money; personal services should be encouraged only when there is an obvious need for the client

• No recruiting of coaching/counseling services outside of RN (e.g. you have a private practice and use RN as a client mining source)

• No selling to those in recovery/healing (e.g. non-recovery products, services); these are people who are potentially vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It is our job to ensure that this is a safe environment for them to explore and grow.

• Confidentiality and anonymity are stalwarts of this site. Under no circumstances should you share any workshop participant's personally identifying information with anyone outside of the relevant coaching team. And even then, such disclosure should be made with permission and only when that identity has a direct impact on their recovery/healing path. The exceptions to this are those which bind us to morally act to save human life and/or severe suffering.

• No diagnosing of clients in any capacity—even if you have the medical/professional credentials to do so.

• No taking on the role of a counselor—even if you have the medical/professional credentials to do so. RN coaches provide educational services, not counseling. This is sometimes a difficult boundary to identify/maintain--especially when emotional support is required in the midst of a crisis. Do your best and let Jon know if you feel you have crossed this boundary.

• In all cases, when a professional therapist is involved with the workshop participant, our coaching takes a secondary role. It is the therapist and the treatment plan established by that therapist that takes precedent. This is necessary for legal and ethical purposes. The only exception to this is if that therapist is abusing the client.

• No offering of personal contact information to clients—unless there is a VERY good reason. Such sharing should be approved (by Jon) in advance. This is for the protection of coaches, clients and the site.

• No providing financial support to clients—with the exception of professional coaches offering to coach those who cannot pay. But even this practice should be applied sparingly.

• No ‘protecting’ clients who are suicidal, homicidal and/or engaged in ONGOING felonious behavior (e.g. child molestation, rape). As volunteer coaches, we do not have a legal obligation to report such things; but it is RN's position that we do have a moral obligation. Contact Jon immediately if you have any questions/concerns about a particular situation. Or contact the police if it is an emergency.

• No making ‘life decisions’ for others. Whether someone stays married or not is a decision to be made by that person/couple alone. There are rare exceptions to this--as in, when the situation is so bad and the client so lacking in rational thought that you will want to strongly encourage that they remove themselves from the situation and seek help. But limit this to providing them with options, not directing them. The exception to this would be when there is an imminent threat of serious harm to self or others.

Anything Not Yet Covered
If you are ever uncertain as to whether or not a boundary is being violated, contact Jon immediately and share your concerns. If this boundary involves imminent suicide and/or homicide, don’t go through Jon. Instead, contact the police in the hometown of the person that you are working with—if possible. In many cases, we are limited by anonymity and so, there is not much we can do. But those situations where we can do something, we are bound morally to protect and value life.