BillOIAmBack's Recovery Thread

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/15/2012

I was fortunate to have been one of Jon Marsh's students before his untimely death. At the time, I worked through the original 12 lessons and 22 of the advanced recovery lessons. No need to ask. As you can see, I'm back... :g:

I have even greater motivation to achieve recovery today than I did five years ago when I began working Recovery Nation. I decided to restart my RN program from the beginning as it appears to have morphed considerably in the past few years. Your comments and feedback as I progress this time are kindly solicited. Thanks, in advance, for your support! BillOIAmBack

Lesson One Responses:

A. With respect to the three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery:
1) actively committing yourself to change - I'm committed to change. I've worked a 12 Step program for 10+ years and relapsed more than once during that time when I lost focus, when I was challenged by life events, when I hadn’t yet replaced my addiction with healthy lifestyle activities and resorted to my “crutch” again. There is more to change than working the 12 steps and going to meetings and fellowship; although, they have helped me considerably in dealing with lust temptations which abound in the "real world," as noted in Lesson One, my recovery has been more a passive activity than an active commitment for which I took total responsibility. I too have repeated 12 Step material so frequently that I recognize it instantly when I hear someone use it and I know much of it by heart. I’m not getting any younger and my life has taken a path that I never envisioned. I’ve hurt others, especially those who I love and I don’t want to do that any more. I’ve repeatedly lied to myself and I don’t want to do that any more either. If there is a way I can restore a semblance of the person I always wanted to be; one with hopes and dreams, someone who others respect, an authentic person who knows and lives his personal values daily…then I believe it will all have been worth it. I truly want to reach that goal before I die. I want my wife, my children and my grandchildren to be able to think of me as a person who made mistakes, yet learned from them and picked himself up, brushed himself off and became a good example for others struggling with life’s challenges, addiction and establishing values.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change - I'm reminded frequently about how much guilt and shame I should be feeling. After all these years, I believe I’ve become numb to such feelings and the comments of others about how I should feel. I know what I’ve done and I’m sorry. I feel that I can’t unring the bells I’ve rung; however, I can do something about not ever feeling I have to ring them again. I try to remain humble, but overwhelming emotions that I’m not very good at addressing yet sometimes well up inside and burst forth uncontrollably. Anger, frustration and resentment too often result when this happens. These emotions are significant challenges to my commitment to change. I've thought about "throwing in the towel" more than once and I have done so more than once only to be reminded about how badly I was hurting myself and others as I continued down a path toward a lower low, a deeper bottom…the unknown abyss called addiction. I acted out and lost over 5 years of SA sobriety at one point in my recovery as a direct result of guilt/shame/anger/frustration/resentment. I’ve repeatedly found myself, over the past ten plus years, trying desperately to cling to my addictive behaviors to regain a sense of balance in my life. As irrational as that sounds, I can’t explain my actions even to myself…its just what I did automatically, almost instinctively without malice of forethought or consequences of my actions. For a while, I tried alcohol to mask the emotions and escape from them. The bottom line was, I was not doing well and I was blaming others, especially my wife for my feelings and behaviors. I love my wife and family from whom I've been separated for 10+ years. I feel that they no longer know me or I them because of my addiction, the separation and my inability or past unwillingness to let go of my addiction and change. As my children reach major events in their lives, I’m repeatedly reminded about how things could and should have been different had I been there for them, not just financially, but as a father and a good example of how a husband should treat his wife. They each seem to have been denied that by my addiction and absence from their home during their formative years. Although I feel guilt, shame and remorse for that, I’m resolved to change so that I might become a good example of “the most improved” and/or someone who recognized he lacked values and decided to commit to change. They too, being part of my legacy, may need that example in their lives some day.

3) allowing yourself time to change - I feel like I have changed over the past several years in my 12 Step recovery program. I believe that change has been for the better. I put one foot in front of the other and strive for incremental progress. I am not a recovered addict. In the ten plus years in my 12 Step program, I can’t say that I’ve yet met a recovered addict. I’d like to find that person some day. I’d truly love for him to be me…

B. Motivations for change:
1) I have friends in recovery who actually like, or at least tolerate, me...LOL. I haven't had such friends since I was a child. I've even reached out to neighbors and people in my church and made friends with similar interests locally, outside of 12 Step Recovery. Although one of my best friends recently passed away, I learned a lot about life, relationships and growing old from him. I now feel I need to fill the hole that his recent passing has created in my life. Be able to find and make friends in a healthy way is both a challenge and a reward that I feel I’ve achieved because I’ve worked to repair my value system and my life. That challenge also motivates me to continue to want to evolve, change and recover.

2) Family who have stuck by me through it all deserve better than what I've given them all along. Although I feel I also need to do it for them, I know I have a selfish program in which I must do it first for me because it is the right thing to do. I want to be able to face myself and know that I’ve been truthful to me.

3) I feel much more authentic and open about my spiritual life than ever before. I switched churches and found a much more accepting group of people who each have their own cross to bear. Although I abandoned my new church for some time, I found my pastor and my group of friends at church to be not only accepting, but also welcoming of my return to their congregation. Being a part of this church motivates me to want to change too.

4) I don't feel I've yet achieved a lot of things I planned to achieve in my life years ago. I know that addiction has been a drain on my time, energy, motivation, self-esteem, etc. In recovery, I've already seen that I'm capable of doing more and being more. I trained for two 26.2 mile marathons and raised money for charity in the process. The feeling I got when I crossed those finish lines went far beyond the feeling of instant gratification around which I previously lived many years of my life. In the past two years, when I was fired by my former employer, I believe I was able to act professionally when I departed and I used that major life event as a queue to begin my own company, which I had dreamed of doing for many years. Being healthy enough to follow my dreams is a motivator for me. I recall the chills I felt as a young boy when I first heard “The Impossible Dream,” a theme song from the play, “Man of La Mancha.” I feel that being sober and recovering from my old ways will enable me to finally follow my dreams.

5) I would like to have the opportunity to be a father to my children, or maybe a grandfather to my grandchildren now that they are a reality. I’ve taken far too much from my children and I haven't been there for them. I want to change so I can help them raise their children in a healthy way.

6) I've been an absent son and brother to my family of origin. I would like to fix that some day before my mother passes on.

7) My recent cancer diagnosis was a real wake-up call. I’ve always thought of myself as a strong, healthy person. I now recognize that my clock is ticking too and the time that remains for me to set things right is limited.

8) I want to be free of what feels like a "monkey on my back" which I can't shake. I don't like being controlled or manipulated...never have...but I often feel that this addiction has a grip on me and won't ever let go.

9) I love the lyrics to songs that tell a piece of my story as I listen to them (e.g.,"Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler, "Paint it Black" by the Rolling Stones, "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood). I'd like to be able to share these with other recovering addicts as there is such a sense of belonging in a "community of lepers."

10) I'd like to know/learn the meaning of the word "normal" some day. I always thought I was normal. I'm not.

11) I'd like to be able to see women for what and who they are. For too long I've seen and treated them as objects. I owe the entire gender an apology.

C. This child has lost his way; I have to guide him back. He wants, as do I, to be able to dream and to follow his dreams. I feel like my emotional development stopped in the early teen years. I often feel like a child in the body of an aging man.
_________________
BillOIAmBack

Kenzo · **Posted:** Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:56 pm

Hi Bill OIamback

sorry to say welcome back but you are back and of course you are welcome
I hope that you achieve your targets, but I stress that to do so you need to be sincere and to put the work in
Be honest , in particular with yourself that person whom you really dont like, and turn him into who you aspire to be
you wrote

Quote:

I can’t say that I’ve yet met a recovered addict. I’d like to find that person some day. I’d truly love for him to be me…

This is we all would like to be but...............
as is said often recovery is a journey not a destination

Please read the thread from Himer, it should inspire and give you hope
looking forwards to dropping into your thread and dont forget you are doing this alone but you are not on your own support is always there

Kenzo · **Posted:** Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:59 pm

Hi again
I have copied Himers thread here

Himer wrote

Quote:

Hello all, I want too share my recovery from sex addiction, using this site. Before I came in here about 2 years ago, i was depressed, I self harmed, no self esteem, no hope, always that guilty feeling and of course the ashamed feeling. I am very proud too say that I am totally the opposite. I have hope, i havent self harmed in over a year, I dont feel that guilt and I am happier now than i was in a LONG time. My wife is happier and now has trust in me. I dont hide anything from her and that is a huge key for me. I also noticed that the sex is much better now because of the not feeling guilty or hiding anything. I am being totally honest when i say this. Its not easy! I have had many relapses and slips. I learned from them. I still get tempted alot and I feel so much better saying NO or not even getting in them situations. Recovery Nation opened my eyes. When i started the program, i thought it was another failed attempt of getting help. You really have to want recovery too recover. I wasnt perfect and I still have to keep my guard up. I am very grateful to my wife for staying with me. I probably wouldnt have done it if it was the opposite. I do want to thank all the coaches in here. God Bless Them! I will keep visiting this site for a reminder on how i was as a sex addict. I still consider myself as a sex addict but im a sex addict in recovery with hope and whole new outlook in life. New comers continue your journey and stay positive, there will be relapses and dont put yourself down for it. I used to do great for 30 days and mess up 1 day and think i just ruined them 30 days of health. Dont think that way. Just get up on your feet and continue and recognize on how the relapse happened. I also got help from a therapist and highly recommend that. Thank you for reading this and keep up the good work.

Himer

I hope it helps

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/16/2012

Lesson 2 Exercise
BillOIAMBack’s Vision Statement
My mission is to follow and achieve my life’s dreams, serving as an inspiration for others. My vision for accomplishing this includes:
• living the remainder of my life with integrity, commitment and honesty
• cherishing my wife and valuing my marriage
• taking the actions of love to provide positive examples for my children and other family members
• improving my relationship with God, family and friends
• choosing the right close friends and nurturing healthy relationships
• applying my God-given talents to quickly assess needs and identify solutions (i.e., connecting the dots)
• positively impacting every person with whom I come in contact in some way
• helping others in positive ways (e.g., via encouragement, motivation, thought, sweat-equity, humor)
• sharing a lifetime of mistakes, experiences and acquired knowledge
• reading and writing every day
• improving the environment
• appreciating the arts and sciences
• closing the door on, yet never forgetting the baggage of my past
• helping others find light to shine on the darkness in their lives.

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

Kenzo,

I appreciate the kind words in response to my Lesson One Exercises. I wish you all the best as we share the road to recovery... :w:

BillOIAmBack

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/17/2012

BillOIAMBack’s Lesson 3 Exercises:

A. Completed a first draft of my vision in Lesson 2 exercises.

B. Values in my vision statement include:
• Living with integrity
• Commitment to others
• Honesty
• Cherishing my wife
• My marriage
• Providing positive examples of love for my children and other family members
• Improving my relationship with God
• Building/rebuilding my relationship with family and friends
• Choosing the close friends with whom I can nurture healthy relationships
• Applying my God-given talents to solve problems
• Positively impacting every person with whom I come in contact in some way
• Helping others in positive ways (e.g., via encouragement, motivation, thought, sweat-equity, humor)
• Sharing my knowledge (from a lifetime of mistakes, experiences and acquired knowledge) with others
• Improving the environment
• Appreciating the arts and sciences
• Learning from the past
• Helping others shine light on the darkness in their lives

C. When you have extracted every possible value that you can think of from your vision, do the following:
1) Additional values I’d like to add to my list include:
• Being family-focused
• Equality
• Freedom
• Self Discipline
• Salvation
• Understanding
• Wisdom
• Respect
• Success
• Leadership
• Strengthening my roles as:
o a husband and partner to my wife
o a son
o a brother to my three sisters and their family members
o a father and grandfather to my daughters and their families
o a consultant to my clients
• Being dedicated
• Showing appreciation towards other
• Being prudent in my pursuit of retirement income
• Being charitable, giving
• Developing intellectual depth
• Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
• Enhancing my spiritual awareness and biblical understanding
• Integrating religion into my day-to-day life
• Bringing joy to others
• Providing quality in my work
• Being respected as a professional
• Staying active
• Being dependable
• Being reliable
• Being a good team player
• Being humble
• Nurturing a good sense of humor
• Being considerate of others
• Putting other’s needs before my own
• Taking care of my health
• Living an exciting life
• Being challenged; overcoming challenges
• Developing emotional maturity
• Being creative
• Establishing financial freedom
• Being a good grandfather
• Overcoming/surviving addiction
• Surviving cancer
• Feeling loved
• Feeling appreciated
• Feeling financially empowered to help others
• Being passionate about life
• Being recognized as an expert in my field
• Developing sustained friendships
• Encouraging my wife's independence
• Being validated by others
• Being respected
• Feeling unconditional love
• Developing greater patience
• Living a humble life
• Being connected to my own feelings
• Being identified by others as charming and warm
• Being a survivor
• Being resourceful
• Appreciating natural beauty/nature
• Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
• Establishing my legacy through my grandchildren
• Being better organized
• Achieving financial stability
• Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
• Experiencing uniqueness
• Being curious
• Avoiding conflict
• Sacrificing for others
• Fidelity
• Walking the same path as equals
• Intellectual growth, debate, communication
• Communicating feelings
• Feeling happy and content
• Accepting responsibility for living my life
• Sense of accomplishment
• Feeling challenged
• Friendship
• Forgiveness
• Realistic
• Personal growth, development
• Selflessness/Altruism
• Respecting Mother Earth
• Self-discipline

2) Values associated with my “dark side” were limited, but included:
• Self-centeredness
• Taking from others
• Impulsiveness
• Live-for-today approach to life
• Pride
• Control
• Independence
• Playfulness
• Shallowness
• Wanting-It-All attitude

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/18/2012

BillOIAmBack’s Lesson 4 Exercises:

A. In the previous exercise, you identified a list of the majority of your practical and universal values. Now, prioritize this list.

B. When you have completed this priority list, post it into your Recovery Thread.
• Improving my relationship with God
• Salvation
• Living with integrity
• My marriage
• Being dependable
• Being reliable
• Providing positive examples of love for my children and other family members
• Cherishing my wife
• Taking care of my health
• Being respected as a professional
• Being recognized as an expert in my field
• Self Discipline
• Applying my God-given talents to solve problems
• Being prudent in my pursuit of retirement income
• Positively impacting every person with whom I come in contact in some way
• Sharing my knowledge (from a lifetime of mistakes, experiences and acquired knowledge) with others
• Learning from the past
• Developing emotional maturity
• Improving the environment
• Staying active
• Appreciating the arts and sciences
• Helping others shine light on the darkness in their lives
• Being family-focused
• Building/rebuilding my relationship with family and friends
• Choosing the close friends with whom I can nurture healthy relationships
• Equality
• Honesty
• Helping others in positive ways (e.g., via encouragement, motivation, thought, sweat-equity, humor)
• Commitment to others
• Freedom
• Understanding
• Wisdom
• Success
• Leadership
• Strengthening my roles as:
o a husband and partner to my wife
o a son
o a father and grandfather to my daughters and their families
o a brother to my three sisters and their family members
o a consultant to my clients
• Being dedicated
• Respect
• Showing appreciation towards other
• Being charitable, giving
• Developing intellectual depth
• Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
• Enhancing my spiritual awareness and biblical understanding
• Integrating religion into my day-to-day life
• Bringing joy to others
• Providing quality in my work
• Being a good team player
• Being humble
• Nurturing a good sense of humor
• Being considerate of others
• Putting other’s needs before my own
• Living an exciting life
• Being challenged; overcoming challenges
• Being creative
• Establishing financial freedom
• Being a good grandfather
• Overcoming/surviving addiction
• Surviving cancer
• Feeling loved
• Feeling appreciated
• Feeling financially empowered to help others
• Being passionate about life
• Developing sustained friendships
• Encouraging my wife's independence
• Being validated by others
• Being respected
• Feeling unconditional love
• Developing greater patience
• Living a humble life
• Being connected to my own feelings
• Being identified by others as charming and warm
• Being a survivor
• Being resourceful
• Appreciating natural beauty/nature
• Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
• Establishing my legacy through my grandchildren
• Being better organized
• Achieving financial stability
• Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
• Experiencing uniqueness
• Being curious
• Avoiding conflict
• Sacrificing for others
• Fidelity
• Walking the same path as equals
• Intellectual growth, debate, communication
• Communicating feelings
• Feeling happy and content
• Accepting responsibility for living my life
• Sense of accomplishment
• Feeling challenged
• Friendship
• Forgiveness
• Realistic
• Personal growth, development
• Selflessness/Altruism
• Respecting Mother Earth
• Self-centeredness
• Taking from others
• Impulsiveness
• Live-for-today approach to life
• Pride
• Control
• Independence
• Playfulness
• Shallowness
• Wanting-It-All attitude

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/18/2012

BillOIAMBack's Lesson Five Recovery Exercise:

D. Take the top fifteen values that you have currently listed and post them in your Recovery Thread.
• Improving my relationship with God
• Salvation
• Living with integrity
• Cherishing my wife and my marriage
• Being dependable/reliable
• Providing positive examples of love for my children and other family members
• Taking care of my health
• Being respected as a professional
• Applying my God-given talents to solve problems
• Being prudent in my pursuit of retirement income
• Developing emotional maturity
• Staying active
• Appreciating the arts and sciences
• Helping others shine light on the darkness in their lives
• Self Discipline

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/19/2012

BillOIAmBack's Lesson Six Recovery Exercise:

A. Of the top fifteen values on your Prioritized Values List, develop Proactive Action Plans for two or three of the more simple ones. For instance, "Strengthening your relationship with your wife" is complex. "Developing a closer bond with 'Chewie', your dog" (probably) isn't. For now, choose 'Chewie'. Post these plans into your recovery thread. Note that your goal here is not to map out perfection. You only need to map out the next few steps in the developmental process of strengthening and/or maintaining this value (if it is already at full strength).

Proactive Action Plan: Improving my relationship with God through active participation in my church’s activities and through daily prayer
• Actively participate in Saturday night “Up Reach” and Sunday morning “Out Reach” activities each week
• Attend men’s events such as dinners, retreats, education, etc.
• Set aside personal time each morning or evening for prayer and meditation

Proactive Action Plan: Take care of my health
• Follow through with treatment and scheduled check-ups
• Participate actively in medical research studies that will help “pay it forward” for others who develop the same or a similar medical condition
• Help others enroll in the research programs to which I’ve been fortunate to be referred
• Monitor my blood pressure and cholesterol levels quarterly
• Lose weight (at least 30 pounds) by the end of this year through healthy eating and a minimum of 3x-weekly exercise
• Have an annual medical exam
• Have an annual eye exam
• Have semi-annual dental exams

Proactive Action Plan: Be prudent in my pursuit of retirement income
• Organize and pay off my outstanding credit card debt with priority to those with the highest interest rates by the end of this Summer
• Pay off my 401K loan by the end of this Summer
• Switch to a single credit card to pay for purchases
• Log all expenses into Quickbooks monthly
• Establish a monthly fund into which I can place funds to ensure investment in an IRA annually
• Establish a monthly account into which I can place tax payments and pay taxes quarterly
• Diversify my investments and lower my risk tolerance
• Build a “rainy day” buffer of funds to pay for no less than 3 months expenses by the end of the year
• Begin accelerating payment of mortgage debt before the end of this calendar year.

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/19/2012

BillOIAmBack's Lesson Seven Recovery Exercise

Proactive Action Plan: Live with integrity

Proactive Action Plan: Cherish my wife and my marriage

Proactive Action Plan: Provide positive examples of love for my children and grandchildren

Proactive Action Plan: Work to maintain the respect of others as a professional

Proactive Action Plan: Apply my talents to solve problems

Proactive Action Plan: Develop emotional maturity

Proactive Action Plan: Salvation

Proactive Action Plan: Be dependable/reliable

Proactive Action Plan: Help others shine light on the darkness in their lives

Proactive Action Plan: Stay active

Proactive Action Plan: Appreciate the arts and sciences

Proactive Action Plan: Self Discipline

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/19/2012

BillOIAmBack's Lessons Eight and Nine Recovery Exercises:

Recovery Nation moved this material to the Couples Workshop.

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/20/2012

BillOIAMBack’s Lesson Ten Exercises:

I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving? Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.

III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully commited to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.

IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to me directly.

I do not have any item or stash of items for sexually compulsive behavior.

V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.

Women, in general, have been a trigger for me if I fail to bring every thought about them captive at first contact. Long ago, I found it mentally challenging to avoid a second “look.” Unless I’m always on guard, my thoughts can run wild…flipping through images in my mind from many years of not resisting temptation while feeling that the next one could be perfect. I was losing touch with reality in a life of fantasy.

My behavior has been idolatrous by allowing images and women to serve as gods in place of my true God. I spent many hours over the years immersed in innocuous mail-order catalogues and picture-filled magazines, followed by reading books and viewing movies (first R-rated then X-rated). I used women as romantic objects and for physical gratification. The “crack cocaine” of my addiction came with my introduction to the Internet. Downloading ascii images over dial-up connections to an on-line “Bulletin Board” was replaced later by surfing porn sites looking first for pictures and then for videos and masturbating to 2D images. I also had a period during which I frequented topless bars, telephoned an ex-girlfriend (SF) from college compulsively, visited a nudist camp, and even had sexual one-night stands with women whose names I don’t remember. I cheapened and ruined our relationship when I repeatedly used my wife as a romantic object and compulsive sex partner. My damaging behavior hurt family members immeasurably. Ten plus years ago, if not for the tough-love intervention of my wife, family, church officials and local authorities, my behavior and the damage I did would likely have continued and worsened. I still carry the original legal documents as frequent reminders of the bottom I hit and the damage I’ve done.

Asking me for a list of women’s names that I could use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic objects seems analogous to asking an alcoholic to single out those brands of whiskey, beer and wine that would get him drunk, should he again choose to drink them. If being a sex addict requires me to only obsess over a few women, then I guess I can’t even serve as a good example of a sex addict. My last physical contact with women was during a lust “binge” that I went on in 2006 and 2007 during which time I had protected sex with Debbie and Leslie.

VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/22/2012

BillOIAmBack's Lesson Eleven Recovery Exercises:

I completed and submitted my surveys to RN counselors for review and comment.

2/23/2012

BillOIAmBack's Lesson Twelve Recovery Exercises:

I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

My experience in recovery has opened my eyes much wider to the pain, hurt and damage I've caused those closest to me. As if the "direct damage" to my loved ones wasn't enough, I've added "indirect damage" by perpetuating a pattern of addictive bahavior which has been in my family-of-origin for this and at least the past two generations, that I can verify.

Those patterns that I currently recognize in myself in relation to unhealthy recovery include:

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/24/2012

BillOIAmBack’s Responses to Lesson 13

Lesson 13 Exercises:

I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery? Share your thoughts in the community forum.

Values surrounding my healthy patterns include:

Values surrounding my unhealthy patterns include:

My prioritized values are the following:

Ten of my high priority values appear in my healthy patterns and none of them appear in my unhealthy patterns. It's clear that I haven’t been living my life based on my own values but, by doing so, I have the ability to change myself for the better and manage my recovery instead of taking the approach of “once an addict, always an addict.”

The aha moment…

BillOIamBack · **Joined:** Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:15 pm **Posts:** 107

2/25/2012

BillOIAmBack’s Responses to Lesson 14

Exercise Fourteen
I. Develop your Daily Monitoring list. Construct it in some sort of word processing document (Word, Notepad, Wordpad, etc.) so that you may update it as needed. Post this list into your Recovery Thread. Note: If you are in personal coaching, I will help you build this in Session II. It will then be converted to an online form so that I can assist you in accountability. Please have your initial monitoring plan ready for review by that second session.

II. For the next two weeks, select a particular time each day (typically, right before going to bed or, just after awakening) and complete this monitoring. It is not intended as a checklist to measure your success/failure. It exists instead to provide you with ongoing focus and awareness. And, to establish a mechanical monitoring process that will eventually become an internalized, natural monitoring process. Remember: Spend no more than five minutes in reviewing your Daily Monitoring each day. While it may seem beneficial to spend fifteen minutes or more going over your behavior...this has historically proved to be destructive in the long run. You are establishing a pattern of monitoring that should be quick and natural. N ot drawn-out and complex. Also, remember that this list will evolve as you evolve. If you require the same item on your list for more than thirty days in a row...and you have not either 1) ingrained that issue as an area to monitor internally; or, 2) resolved the issue...then you are doing something wrong. Post the issue in the community forum for assistance.

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