Recovery Nation

Exercise 27

Provide an example of two compulsive chains in your life. The first chain should be where multiple rituals are engaged in simultaneously--thus enhancing the overall amount of stimulation derived from the behavior. The second should be an example of how you have strung together several rituals back-to-back and thus, extended the stimulation you were deriving. Post these examples in your recovery thread.

One compulsive chain I use is that I masturbate and fantasize or watch porn together. Porn was my first ritual and used to be distinct from masturbation. But later as I discovered the emotions released with this chain, I began to use it.

Back before I decided to recover and wasn't even aware of addiction, I masturbated every chance I got. I strung chains together and I was in a constant state of compulsive behavior. I was constantly seeking for openings, with suspense at when I have the opportunity.

On a side note, I found out that I acted out yesterday because I didn't work, so I devised 2 ways to help me work. I visualized myself working immediately when I turn on the computer which worked today, and also making timed breaks when I finish so I don't goof off for hours.

Hi HurricaneAero,

The continued acting out is a major problem. Based on your post, here's my assessment of your situation: you do what to change, but internally, you have yet to make the complete commitment to ending your addiction once and for all. This leads to the continual "slip-fight-slip-fight" pattern you're experiencing. You want recovery, but at the same time, the intensity of the emotions that you face due to the stresses in your life and the internal stresses you are carrying around creates great anxiety, and you have yet to learn how to cope with them...so the option to act out remains open in the back of your mind, because you are afraid of saying goodbye to your addiction forever.

This is a problem a lot of people face, as your addiction has acted as a useful (if destructive) safety blanket for many years. It's like they are 95% committed...but there's still a 5% part in the back of their head where they know that if the going gets tough, they want to leave the option open to return to their compulsive behaviour. Quite simply, if this is where you are, you will not recover. Period. By maintaining an emotional connection to that addiction, the addiction remains alive, and your foundation remains vulnerable to collapse. You will not be able to begin rebuilding a consistent, coherent, healthy identity without the crack of knowing that the choice remains to destroy those values and return to your addiction if your emotions become too chaotic and tough to handle. The complete internal commitment must be made. You must make the choice to erase the option of engaging in your compulsive behaviours, permanently. And until you do, you will continue to struggle.

After it is made...you may continue to struggle, but your relationship to that struggle will change. You will then be struggling due to your lack of skills...NOT because you are still hedging on whether you actually want to recover. But this is a struggle that will get progressively easier with time and knowledge, and the lessons will take on practical, personal meaning. Whereas without the commitment, you remain in limbo. The work you do in the lessons won't truly take hold, and you'll find yourself engaged in an intellectual recovery.

Almost certainly to me, if you go back and look at lesson 12...you will find yourself in the 4th group. The people who stand at a crossroads...who sincerely want to recover and change their lives, but are scared to leave their addiction behind. Don't let fears continue to rule your life. You have a choice to make.

You can do better.



Boundless

_________________
"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell."

"Be a lamp unto yourself."

- Buddha

I read it a few times and I didn't understand at first because it was what I thought to be my one strength in recovery. I got really confused and stressed because it made no sense to me at first.
I didn't get it and I got stressed. Recovery felt impossible and I got squished into a corner. It was painful and I needed a release because I didn't know how to recovery or manage these emotions. Then it hit me and those words made a little more sense to me. I still run to addiction because I don't know how to manage my emotions or live without it. I don't know how to live or make myself happy yet. I still depend on it to manage my emotions because as soon as I felt stressed, I thought about needing a release which led me to think of acting out.

When I think about it, I really am not sure how to manage my emotions. I'll read up on past lessons to see how to manage my emotions but sometimes, I act out when I am bored so it's more of a dependence to the boost when I am bored. When my mom yelled at me yesterday(today she is fine), I was stressed out at first but I took deep breaths and calmed down. I tried to lean on other values and succeeded.

I'm not sure how others would react because religion is a touchy topic but sometimes, I believe that God really is looking down on me. My mom yelled at me and got mad for the strangest of reasons forcing me to manage my emotions by leaning on other values which is rare as I could always rely on my existing values if there is ever stress of that type besides from addiction and recovery. My mom is fine now and it happened just yesterday and now I come across these problems where what I did yesterday came right in handy. Not to mention I've seen a miracle.

Well anyways, if I don't need it to manage my emotions, then I just use it to manage my boredom. I remember also while thinking in the shower, that I had committed myself but I still acted out. I'm confused but I think that I really didn't commit. Also, I still believed that addiction was a separate identity, which I probably subconsciously knew that it protected me from guilt. I was scared to make a commitment because I was afraid I would fail, because I needed to protect myself when I failed. Already I was protecting the addiction. I was thinking, what would happen if I had failed even though I tried my best. At that point I wasn't sure I could even recover. Now I am more confident but unsure I could do better on my first try. I think there was another reason and my head is working it out. No, I think that's it. I was afraid I would fail and so I was afraid to commit fully. I felt like I needed it to manage my emotions, to live, but now I know I don't need it at all. It was a tool that has outlived it's purpose.

What to do, what to do now. Sometimes, when contemplating my recovery problems, I think that and the answer isn't clear. Or maybe it seems to simple. Like, do I just make the decision? Is it really that simple, there being no complicated steps? I guess it is.

Wow, you were spot on and my respect for you and the people who have gone threw recovery grows. And I can do better and become a person who has recovered and lives a healthy life. As I state in my action plans, here and now I make the decision to completely eliminate addiction in my life. It was once a tool used to manage my emotions but there are better ways. I can live my life by values, the things that are truly important, the things that I truly care about. I don't want any more lies or addiction. That is why, I will not act out and I choose to manage my emotions with values instead.

Exercise 28

Expanding the Compulsive Chain

1. Develop a compulsive chain of your most recent acting out behavior.

1. After taking a shower, I come downstairs and eat lunch.
2. I decide to take a break while eating and work when I finish.
3. Feeling bored after eating, I continue to goof off.
4. My boredom does not dissipate or go away, and an urge to alleviate it comes.
5. I begin to want to watch porn and I search the internet for the porn site I found yesterday.
6. I begin to find videos and compile them together in the other tabs.
7. I watch them but the videos won't load and my internet has errors.
8. I reload the page a few times and the video works.
9. I begin to masturbate during the video, not letting myself orgasm until I watch more of the videos.
10. The other videos don't work and I keep reloading the pages.
11. They finally work and I masturbate to orgasm.
12. I curl up and think of why I acted out and why recovery is so impossible for me.
13. I pull myself up and goof off on the computer.

2. Upon completion of this chain, review it to ensure that you can recognize the way that each element affected your emotional state.

1. After taking a shower, I come downstairs and eat lunch.(relaxed, tired, sore)
2. I decide to take a break while eating and work when I finish.(normal)
3. Feeling bored after eating, I continue to goof off.(bored, uncomfortable) this is the beginning of the chain
4. My boredom does not dissipate or go away, and an urge to alleviate it comes.(stressed, uncomfortable)
5. I begin to want to watch porn and I search the internet for the porn site I found yesterday.(excitement, adrenaline, fear, guilt)
6. I begin to find videos and compile them together in the other tabs.(building excitement, rush, arousal, fear, adrenaline)
7. I watch them but the videos won't load and my internet has errors. (stress, outrage, shock, disappointment, impatience)
8. I reload the page a few times and the video works.(success, accomplishment, relief, rush, comfort, adrenaline)
9. I begin to masturbate during the video, not letting myself orgasm until I watch more of the videos.(rush, pleasure, excitement, suspense)
10. The other videos don't work and I keep reloading the pages.(shock, impatience)
11. They finally work and I masturbate to orgasm.(accomplishment, bliss, pleasure, comfort, relief)
12. I curl up and think of why I acted out and why recovery is so impossible for me.(stress, guilt, discomfort, pain, misery, desperation)
13. I pull myself up and goof off on the computer.(mild stress)

3. Thinking as an addict, look for areas within this chain where you could add additional destructive elements that would have (most likely) increased the overall stimulation of the event. The actual events that you add should be realistic, and related to the chain itself. For instance, someone viewing porn might add the element of setting up a Power Point slide show of the images. Someone engaging in escort services might add the element of videotaping the encounters. Share these in your recovery thread.

1. After taking a shower, I come downstairs and eat lunch.
2. I decide to take a break while eating and work when I finish.
3. Feeling bored after eating, I continue to goof off.
4. My boredom does not dissipate or go away, and an urge to alleviate it comes.
5. I begin to want to watch porn and I search the internet for the porn site I found yesterday. (I could find more porn on all the sites I use.)
6. I begin to find videos and compile them together in the other tabs. (I could make a slideshow or a video of them)
7. I watch them but the videos won't load and my internet has errors.(I fantasize and masturbate slowly until it works.)
8. I reload the page a few times and the video works. (I masturbate while fantasizing until it works.)
9. I begin to masturbate during the video, not letting myself orgasm until I watch more of the videos. (I fantasize that I am in the situation depicted)
10. The other videos don't work and I keep reloading the pages. (I continue to masturbate)
11. They finally work and I masturbate to orgasm.
12. I curl up and think of why I acted out and why recovery is so impossible for me.
13. I pull myself up and goof off on the computer.

Usually in the morning when I wake up, I lie in bed and usually in my boredom I begin to masturbate. I normally break out of it but today I didn't even get the urge. I think closing off all connections to addiction has already helped me out.

Hi Aero,

Glad you got my intention with my post.



Exactly. The necessity of the commitment is that you are committing yourself to changing your life...which means that you remove completely the option of the acting out at all. In early recovery, this usually means that you dig your heels in and fight as hard as possible against your intense compulsive emotions at all costs...you really have to let the stress build and build to the point where you feel incredibly uncomfortable...as this will give you a crucial insight: that being emotionally uncomfortable is the worst thing that can happen to you. That you won't die simply because you are experiencing uncomfortable emotions (and that may sound ridiculous, but that can be the exact mindset of those who are struggling with severe emotional immaturity). Once you realize this...you will also realize that you are completely in control of your life. That your emotions are finite, and that they only have control over you if you allow them too. One of the key insights to taking control of your life.



You are just approaching the lessons on emotional maturity and management, so stay the course and you'll learn all about this.



Good work. You will want to consider this more deeply: how is your relationship with your mom? This is obviously a source of stress for you. Do you feel she yelling at you because of your actions (which could be improved on), or do you feel that you get yelled at regardless of what you do? If so, that could result in feelings of powerlessness and loss of control in your life...and this is something that many addicts feel they get from their rituals. In a life that feels out of control, the rituals give them feelings of power, control, and comfort. This may be worth talking to her about, as it could decrease your stress level.



Why are you bored, when you are bored? Have you asked yourself that? Why do you get bored? And what values could you lean on when you get bored?



Ah yes, one irony of this that many of us have faced: if I commit completely to success, I might fail...thus, I leave the option for failure open. Think about it this way: what would true failure in recovery look like? Most likely, for any of us, it would be a willful return to addiction. Strangely then, many of us struggle with giving that idea of addiction up for good...mostly because we're both scared to fail, and scared to succeed. Don't be scared to succeed. Think about what success looks like for you...and voila! You have your life vision.



It is both simple and complex. Just like life. Making the full commitment is simple (well, it can be...this tends to be a step many get stuck on). For me, I knew I'd made the full commitment when I realized that I'd rather die than continue the rest of my life suffering because of my love and porn addictions. That was when I knew that I'd do anything...go through any amount of stress...in order to reach health.

After that commitment, getting back your life and reaching health can be complex...but it's completely true that, with a sincere commitment to yourself, you will find a way.



Hmmm...perhaps I'm zeroing in on something small and nitpicky here, but what stuck out to me here is the way you phrased this. It indicates to me that your focus may still be on avoidance of your rituals ("I will not act out" being prioritized over values). Not sure...only you know if I'm right, though given other things you've written, I'm going to guess my assumption is right. This is a hard perception to overcome, usually based on a fear that if you let your guard down, you will act out. But what you learn is, by shifting your focus positively to what you DO want to be doing...you kill two birds with one stone. If you are acting on values, then you will both be living how you want AND it's not possible for you to be acting out. Think about it.

Hope that helps!

Boundless

_________________
"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell."

"Be a lamp unto yourself."

- Buddha

My relationship with my mom is okay, it's just that every now and then, she gets into these moods for no reason and yells at me or becomes depressed. I felt that I was yelled at no matter what I do which did lead to my sense of powerlessness. I haven't told my mom about my addiction. I did tell her once but she didn't take me seriously. She seemed more protective of me instead of being shocked and ashamed.

I think boredom is somewhat the wrong word because it's not that I get an urge when I do nothing, but when I use immediate gratification(surfing the internet in this case) to make me feel happier, I am unsatisfied and uncomfortable if I can't find a good video on youtube. My boredom, or discomfort, arrives when I don't work and choose to act out. I believe that the decision to goof off kind of started the ritual there. This was before I made my decision to live completely without addiction so the nagging thought of goofing off and the boredom came from the same emotionally immature side that was afraid of living without addiction.



Yes, at that point I was thinking of abstinence. I also took the "Here and now, I choose not to act out" part straight from my break in urge control so that might be why. I was still scared of addiction, but my confidence is already growing. And that is a great way to put it because when you act on values, you do "kill two birds with one stone".

I have to admit that with my recent acting out before this, I was really anxious to get a response on my thread. I felt desperate but still feeling so anxious was kind of immature in my eyes.

A. Describe the emotions that you experienced and the thoughts that triggered them.

I was happy when I thought of my values. I pictured the sky, feeling free and flying through it, completely at ease. As I thought of my important things, I felt guilty because I acted out. I couldn't necessarily isolate myself too well, so when I heard my dad making noise, I got really mad because he obstructed me from doing the lesson. My trauma led to more guilt as most was self induced, watching porn, etc.

Thinking of the compulsive behavior I just used made me feel anxious. An underlying guilt that I still acted out came upon me and I had a complete rejection to acting out. Thinking of the future decision to act out or not led to more determination because I want to recover.

B. In assessing your own anxiety, describe the extremes of your personal experiences with anxiety. What has been the least anxious state you have experienced and the most extreme anxious state you have experienced?

My most anxious state was thinking about how I failed in urge control. The pain that I put myself through is unnecessary. The least anxious state was thinking of my wonderful moments. I feel like I was being lifted away from addiction.

As I mentioned a lot in my exercise, I did act out. Yesterday, I white knuckled successfully and I was able to live happily. Today, I woke up fantasizing in bed but I was resisting. There was much less of a emotional part of me that prevented me from making the decision but being drowsy made it harder. As I came downstairs, I turned on the TV, I found a new episode of a show I like. I decided to do the exercise later as I wasn't sure when if it would replay. I was aroused by the female lead in the show and was tempted to find pictures of her on the internet. I was pushing back but I ended up acting out. I could have resisted more but I'm not sure whether the problem today was that my decision to resist was weak, or if it was a skills problem. I think and hope it was a skills problem. I do feel stronger and when I think about compulsive behavior, the part of me that wants to feel the emotional intensity isn't there anymore. Also, today I forgot to use values based emotions to help manage the urge and the intensity.

Today, I was somewhat stressed, probably stress from needing to work but I goofed off. It got strong enough that I thought of acting out but that instead got me to work and do my lesson, thus managing the urge and the accompanying emotions.

I remember reading this the first time a year or two ago and it made no sense. I now get that this means the emotions are dependent more on the decision itself rather than the outcome. The decision that results in the emotions has to be made for the benefit of long term growth and a values system by which we make decisions.

Yesterday I didn't act out but I neglected the values based part. Today, I acted out and it felt like a relapse. I'm worried if it's my decision is weakening. I didn't necessarily reinforce my decision today, and on top of that, I neglected living by values. My focus was on abstinence, thus setting me up for today's failure. My life is pretty stressful in that I have to keep my grades at the top of the class, manage my life, plan and lead the development of a small hobbyist video game, and stress to recover. When the stress of the video game reached me, I became stressed but i took some deep breaths. The problem is, was that was all I did, I didn't manage life by values.

A. Make a list of all of identifiable stressors that have affected your emotional health over the past week. For each, document whether it is a mild, moderate, severe or extreme stressor. Example: 1) Facing Possible Divorce: extreme; 2) Lost respect among friends and family: moderate

1) Stress of acting out and recovery: severe
2) Schoolwork: moderate
3) Making a video game: moderate
4) Parents complaining: mild

B. Return to your values list created earlier in the workshop. In a healthy life, the majority of energy being drained (e.g. stress) should be related to the pursuit of your highest prioritized values (top fifteen or so). Do you see this pattern in your life? If not, what do you think this means in terms of the way that you are expending your energy?

Yes, including my recovery, the major stressors go with my values.

C. Likewise, in a healthy life, the majority of meaning and stimulation that you gain should also be related to your highest values. Do you see this pattern in your life? If not, what do you think this means in terms of the quality of life you are living?

I do see this pattern in my life though I still need much work in managaing my emotions.

Today I acted out due to my not managing my stress on the computer. This was not due to a lack of fortitude though I can also improve there. I didn't manage my stress and I ended up needing addictive behaviors. For the rest of today, I will learn to use values to manage my emotions.

I need to learn how to make values based decisions when I am granted the choice to goof off and learn to manage uncomfortable emotions on the computer. I believe that I should work first right when I get off and the stress of work will be gone too and I could either take a short break or keep working. I realize that I feel more uncomfortable emotions now that I have made the decision not to act out. I still do act out but it feels different now because all of a sudden, I have these uncomfortable emotions to manage probably because I have decided to use values instead of hiding besides acting out. So really while I acted out to manage my emotions, I never understood what was stressing me because I used addiction instead of confronting the problem. When I feel uncomfortable on the computer, I plan to work so that I will manage my emotions with values.

Exercise 32

1. Early in the workshop, you created approximately fifteen 'proactive action plans' that were intended to list specific steps to take to strengthen certain values that are important to you. Return to these action plans and for each, review your progress. Summarize your progress on your recovery thread.

I didn't focus on doing my proactive plans at all, but I generally managed my emotions well ever since I made the decision that I wouldn't return to addiction. I may have had more stress but that's because I don't use addiction to manage my emotions anymore. I still have a problem on the computer, as I often choose to goof off to manage my boredom and stress. I often get sidetracked as well when my friends text me but I also almost subconsciously started a message with a friend to alleviate the boredom but I stopped myself and made myself work instead of goofing off. I can redevelop myself by making the same decision as living healthy and working instead of goofing off as well.

2. Update your Proactive Action Plans as needed.

Proactive action plan for Family
Proactive action plan for Mom
-Listen to what she has to say
-take her advice
-talk to her when you can
-try to help her out with carrying things
-try to help her cook
-do not bother her when she is talking on the phone
-study when she tells you immediately and do not dawdle

Proactive plan for father
-Listen to his advice
-watch basketball with him
- talk to him when he sends me off to Chinese school
-talk to him on occasion when talking on the computer

Proactive plan for Aunt
-Listen to what she has to say and do not ignore her
-Try to deal with her when she has her moods
-try not to upset her
-(New)Do not let her know that you are annoyed with her if I am

Proactive plan for God
-read the Bible everyday that I can
-pray to God everyday
-do not lose faith in God
-try to apply the things you learn from the Bible

Proactive Plan for intelligence
-Study and learn new things
-Read books
-Work your brain and exercise it
-Keep learning things over the summer
-do as well as you can in school

Proactive plans for Friends
-talk to each and every one of your friends
-try to help them whenever you can
-try to emotionally connect with your friends
-do not leave anyone out of things if they ask
-try to talk to others to make more friends
-try to steer your friends on the right path if they are doing something wrong
-respond to their emails and do not ignore them
-respect your friends' opinions especially if they are different from your own.
-(New)trust your friends

Proactive plan for Virtues and Compassion
-be nice to everyone you can
-say hi to people you see that are lonely
-help others whenever you can
-lend people things or money when they need it
-do not let your bad mood get to others
-try to cheer people up

Proactive plan for Integrity
-tell the truth, even when you would get in trouble
-if you know that someone lied, try to find out the truth
-do not do things behind another's back
-when your parents tell you to study, do not sneak off
-do not use iPad during weekdays behind parents' back
-Do not spill a friend's secret if they tell you not to share it
-Do not make excuses for yourself or to others when you fail and accept your shortcoming or try to change it.
-Try as hard as you can even when it may be tough, or you have a high chance of losing.

proactive plan for my Video Game Story
-take some time at the end of the day to work on the story
-type some of the story everyday that you are on the computer
-get others to help you make the video game
-take what you learn from another's story to make yours better

Proactive plan for Hard Work
-study without goofing off and concentrate
-go the extra mile whenever you can
-Do you best on every test
-Learn Math ahead of the class
-read over what you learned that day
-check over tests when you are done until time is up.

Proactive plan for Maturity
-when faced with uncomfortable emotions, calm down and use values to manage it
-speak well mannered, polite, and with big words
-do not whine
-be patient
-do not do childish things

Proactive plan for Wisdom
-take some time to think of the important questions
-when people ask for help, try to give a deep answer
-live using the wisdom you gained
-spread your wisdom whenever you can

Proactive plan for health and cleanliness
-clean up your house around you
-wipe hands before you eat
-exercise every night that you get the chance
-eat healthy foods, and stay skinny
-try to get muscles by working out

Proactive plan for helpfulness
-try to help your friends whenever possible without annoying them
-lend them things whenever needed

Proactive plan for inner strength
-remain in control of emotions using values
-persevere in recovery
-stay strong when things happen
-try to make that strength transfer to others

Proactive plan for unselfishness
-tend to the needs of others before yourself
-care for others
-care less for your own needs

Today I acted out for a completely different reason. As I went through the motions of urge control, I didn't commit to the ending values based action and the urge was able to creep in. On the computer, I got myself to work instead which helped immensely. I had problems taking too long of breaks but after dinner I told myself to time my breaks and everything worked out.

Exercise 34

Immediate gratification plays the primary role in the lives of most people who struggle with addiction. In your Personal Recovery Thread, share the following:

A. Describe a time in your life when the "Immediate Gratification" principle has come into play:

1) When I was studying, I had an urge. I made the decision not to act out but as I was studying, I got bored and stopped concentrating. I eventually acted out.

2)Before I used sexual compulsive rituals, I just goofed off while studying. It became boring, reading the same chapter over and over again, and so I often end up daydreaming for possibly up to 30 minutes or more.

3)On the computer, I use the internet to goof off and satisfy immediate gratification. I become bored and goof off instead of working because working is less immediately pleasurable. As even goofing off becomes boring, I often act out as a result.

B. As best as you can, describe the anxiety you feel when you are trying to NOT ACT on a compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Be specific. Compare it to other feelings of anxiety that you experience. The purpose of this exercise is to begin to define the limits of your emotions--and where your compulsive urges stand within those limits.

When I try not to act out, I feel like I am being pulled like tug of war. I switch between acting out and not acting out and I keep bouncing back and forth, the stress growing and the trance continually building up. The uncomfortable emotions build up for every second I delay acting out without making a solid decision to live by values. It's like being crushed by a weight with my weight added every second.

C. As best as you can, describe the feeling that you experience while you are engaging in a certain compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Is it a trance-like feeling? Is it a hyper-alert feeling? If someone could get inside your mind as you were experiencing such a ritual, what would they find?

While engaging in compulsive behavior, I am in a trance. Other things just fade away and I fantasize, living in the emotions. Even if something interrupts me, as long as I don't make a break, I will still be in that trance somewhat like sleeping or watching someone else. After I act out, my head is in a daze but I wake up and I begin to be able to focus on the things around me other than addiction. Everything seems brighter somehow like if I was under a veil while acting out.

Yesterday when I went out for dinner, I thought a lot. As a chile when I went to the mall or super market, I would often think about my life. I constantly played video games and I felt bad because I was wasting my life. I didn't want to quit though and often tried to ignore those feelings. I believe that playing video games was my way of managing my emotions as a child. Because I had less stress as a child, it simply didn't develop into an addiction yet as I didn't sneak off to play games when I studied even though I got into a small temper tantrum.

Also, when I was being driven back home, I was happy. Discovering that fact about myself made me proud and I felt happy. I had also strengthened my connection to my father and also helped out. I felt amazing and it seemed like I understood what was real and important. I felt that all that media news, celebrity craze, sports mania and all aren't evil, but they distracted us from being happy. People didn't concentrate on living by values, building their lives, and being happy. All those extra noise just complicates life, and that it's actually pretty simple.

Well yesterday, as my gradual improvement in my skills predicted, I did not need to act out and instead relied on my values. Today I had acted out but I was able to I prove when I got into the same position later that day so I hope that my growth will lead to more investment in values for managing life. Since I got more projects at the end of eighth grade, I encountered a lot of stress but I managed to control them and the stress is no more. While I was studying, I made a break from the urge and responded with hard work. I began to take a deep breath when engaging in values based actions as a deep habit but this time I kept breathing deeply. I felt calm and in complete control.