Recovery Nation

I must be doing right thing right now by coming on here to ask something about this particular lesson that I have done before because before I started assessing my boundaries of a particular event that has been going on for the past two to three days, I looked back at information from the lesson, Developing Healthy Boundaries that says:



Then, after some deep thought on this, I looked at the next set of information that represents a template for developing healthy boundaries in Mastering Boundary Awareness:



I started thinking about the way I usually update my boundaries is that I follow this template. In it, after identifying the event and reactions, I identify the values that are intruded upon which what it looks like is the values that were mostly involved in the event. Then, I identify the existing boundaries to uphold the values, but before I do that, I thought I needed to look for the value that indeed was intruded upon the most then identify the boundaries of that one value. I didn't know if I needed to look at numerous boundaries from multiple values to see who is involved. In fact, I wonder if in the template, if in the New Boundaries Needed, Trust is the value and the boundaries outlined represent the value of trust as it says in this category that "Current trust boundaries were insufficient in managing the event..."

Then, I proceeded to identify one of the boundaries that indeed didn't work to my favor in protecting one of my values and continue onto developing new boundaries whether it is one or two of them. Or even 3. Although I say that this last step sometimes to me becomes difficult as I try to come up with boundaries that make sense. I try to avoid writing boundaries that I don't mean to write or write them down for the sake of the exercise. I want to create meaningful, heartfelt boundaries that make sense to me. That mean something and are more readily enforced.

So, I'd like to hear some feedback on the way I'm doing it. And whether or not I got the process of developing healthy boundaries down.

I think what you have here is both sincere and meaningful. I think it is a well thought out, well reasoned strategy for reviewing your boundaries and action plans.

What I would suggest to you (and maybe I am reading your post wrong) is to occasionally sit down and review your boundaries and action plans, even when you don't have an incident to set off the question. I have always thought it healthy to occasionally review certain beliefs and ideas to see if I still align with them. It's the whole Socratic unexamined life thing. Every now and then you need to check with yourself to see if you still agree with something. Just like that, I believe it is a good practice to review boundaries and rules I have set down in dealing with my addiction. That does not mean I test myself. I sit down and review the rules I have for myself, my reaction plans, and make modifications accordingly. Most importantly, I don't wait for something to happen. If I am thinking about it, I will review it for a few minutes and move on. It can be simple and it can be constructive.

Thank you very much, Sandalwood. I was running into this question myself about the way I'm using my tools like this one and deep down within me, I wanted to know how I'm doing and if it's done right, ya know (Although it probably operates differently for everybody considering that I think there is a 'no right or wrong answer' to this as long as it is something consistent to developing and evolving one's value system). Plus, I'm beginning to understand how health monitoring works thanks to CoachJon's lesson and the great connection to an "Anti-virus program working behind the scenes" on a daily basis. I happened to have those "what is he talking about again" moments as I ran into moments of doubt and concern, so that I know if I'm doing the right thing.