Recovery Nation

Hi all

I have been having one of those weird few weeks where I have felt all over the place but have managed to keep going - keep clean. It looks like we are moving house and indeed city. Work has been up and down. I have had arguments with friends etc etc.

The good news is that while there are signs of compulsive behaviour I have made it through without too many urges and with awareness - on the whole!! I have been far from perfect, but I have kept to my principles.

This got me thinking. So many of the RN lessons that I reach for in an emergency are now boiled down - or perhaps concentratd - to basic principles. I almost can't put them into words. I guess I have been practicing them over the past 6 months.

If I did put my most important axioms, they are something like.


I wondered - what short, sharp sentences/quotes/mantras help you - especially in times of stress. what words bring you to awareness of what you are doing and remind you to act healthily.

Shaw

hey shaw, great post...

I'd add for myself --

-- What value am I in danger of breaking now?
-- What value will I use to guide my next action?
-- Stop and just Breathe.
-- FAMILY.
-- Integrity NOW.

Have a great day,

Ontrack

_________________
"Today I commit to deepen and strengthen my Values and fully engage my Action Plans to uphold the Boundaries that keep my Values sacred."

I like your list and those are on my list as well. If I were to add to it...

* Emotional awareness - What am I feeling. No, what am I *really* feeling!

* Delusional thinking awareness - Find myself a mirror in other people that I trust and ask them if I am thinking delusionally

* Isolation awareness - Being aware of how isolated I am, or becoming, or am going to be in a real future situation (business trip for example)

* You are worse off then you think - This is something I heard in a SA recover podcast. Basically if you are doing well, you are probably a "few points" worse off then you think. This is not to say you are doing badly, if you are doing really well then a few points would still put you as doing well. But if you feel you are on the boarder, more then likely you are below that boarder already and just are not aware of it.

* Interrupt - As soon as you realize your are in a negative ritualistic pattern, you create an "interrupt" and stop everything that you are doing and do something totally different. On the computer all day, stop and go for a walk and don't even bring the mp3 player. In a bad mood, stop and mediate, pray, etc.

Along with previously mentioned bullets, these have helped me maintain my health in recovery.

Stop
Breathe
Think
Feel
Repeat

This has got me through a lot, I was implementing it befire I realised there was a definite pattern there.
Along with that my other main mantras are my value based treasures that would be put at risk:
Wife
Child
Grandchild
Peace
Sanity

_________________
"..And be a simple kind of man, Be something you can love and understand" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Thanks all - some really good pointers.

I was thinking of that Sherlock Holmes story where they start a fire and then watch to see what the woman grabs - the belief is that in an emergency we go for the things most important to us.

That was part of my reason for this post- what are the most important parts of recovery. And how can these be explained as clearly and quickly as possible.

From reading the comments, so much of it is like a wake-up call. How do we maintain awareness when the self-delusion comes on? How can we get in touch with our values and plans when they are hiding behind our addictive rituals?

Does anyone write any of these 'commandments' down? I do in my office at home - the trick is reading and understanding them1!!!

Thanks for the comments - I hope more people will join in.

Shaw

Hi Shaw
great post
I would add

It only exists in my mind and only because I chose to let it, however the pain and damage are real

enjoy the Jubilee which means (days off)

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
stay healthy keep safe
Kenzo

Emotions are finite. This doesn't feel as bad as I think it feels right now, and will pass, if I just let it.

thanks all - really useful.

Coach Tim reminded me of something Coach Mel once wrote on my thread, and which I have repeated over and over here. I talked about having to address my need to use pornography. She replied:

Need is simply your perception of your behaviour. Address that perception.

For me, that was a game-changer. I realised I didnt HAVE to act out. I CHOSE to do so.

If I chose one course, recovery was in part learning to chose to do something - anything - else.

From there - changing my behaviour - I could look inwards and attach my behaviour to my values. I had my own examples. My own recovery.

Need is perception. Work on being aware of that perception.

A second commandment:

Take responsibility for your addiction. Not to beat yourself up. But to realise how much we are in control of ourselves - even when we feel our lives are spinning out of control.

Finally.

We can change.

Thanks for all the great posts.

Shaw

One more - from the thread about shame. This is courtesy of the TED lecture. I think it sums up the destructive force of compulsive behaviour:

When we here on RN choose to numb our emotions with porn, sex, lies etc, we think we select only our negative emotions. The problem is these compulsive patterns are NOT SELECTIVE. We dont just numb our fears, anxieties, dark thoughts - we deep-freeze our capacity for joy, relationships, fun and love.

Shaw,

Good to see the thoughts flowing. I have lots of mantras I thought to post, but realized it was appropriate to narrow it down to the 4 I need to really pay attention to today.

• “The great mystery” is in all things; therefore, all people and things deserve my respect.
• Take three thoughtful breaths to create a gap. Fill that gap with awareness.
• Stop defending the deception.
• There are 3 sides to every story: my side, her side, and the truth. Her side is much closer to the truth than mine.

In each of us, there is dark and light. Know the dark, but live the light.

Thanks for helping shift my perspective today.

In Flight

Hey Inflight

Thanks for the post - I really like these:

• Stop defending the deception.
• There are 3 sides to every story: my side, her side, and the truth. Her side is much closer to the truth than mine.

For me, clarity of thinking is central to recovery.

Clarity leads to awareness - awareness connects me to positive behaviour - positive behaviour connects me to my values.

At the start of this - before clarity - is peace. This breaks the self-deception that as you say we defend so often.

I like the three sides to the truth. I think a final part might be - work together to find out where the truth lies. Communication is so important - not just to persuade another, but to understand yourself.

great post!

Shaw