Recovery Nation

I have been with my wife since we were both very young. After a few years with her I found myself being excited by other guys looking at her. It progressed to having her flirt with other guys. Then making out with other guys. Then having ongoing relations with other guys. Somewhere along the way I started sharing her pictures online with other men. She is not into the online stuff, but does like fooling around. There is no doubt that she would not do it if I didnt want her too. She is bothered by the fact that I spend hours online masterbating instead of sleeping. I am addicted to it and it effects my life daily. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Go the workshop, and start with Lesson #1.

You need to have a very long conversation with your wife and let her know how you are feeling and that you are considering starting RN. You need to assess how deep her feelings are on this issue, determine if she was participating for you, or if what she does is for her. However, regardless of how she perceives her participation, you need to make it clear (if you are motivated to go through recovery) you cannot continue in this lifestyle. She is your wife, and whether she is addicted to this behavior or not doesn't necessarily need to be established, but you need to know whether or not you are going to go through all of this on your own.

The good news is, it sounds like if you have found the solution (an honest strategy to extract yourself from your sex addiction) she will be supportive. Her participation in your behaviors might not be a problem for her, but she seems concerned with your behavior, which is a good sign she will be willing to leave the lifestyle for you.

Hi Addictedhusband.

I'll give you what insight I can based on myself, but it's unlikely to be terribly helpful until you're properly on the recovery path.

With my previous partner, I had something similar to what you described. I would get a thrill out of watching her with other guys, knowing that at the end of the night she still "belonged to me". It's like I was showing her off, going "look at the cool, sexually liberated girl I've got." My guess is that this behaviour helps you feel like a valuable lover, if you've got what other men want, and she can be with them but still come back to you. The progression from other men noticing her to full-on relations sounds like classic addiction progression. Whatever you were getting in the beginning stopped giving you the same hit, and so you needed to escalate it. This makes me guess that love addiction may be part of you issue, but it's impossible for me to tell, and I'm basing that largely on my own experience.

You say that she is bothered by your masturbation habits; are you? Recovery is something that you can start because someone else pushes you in that direction, but for it to be effective, at some point you have to start doing it for yourself.

Other than that, welcome to RN. If you stick with it, you have a long, difficult, but ultimately incredibly rewarding journey ahead of you. There are always people here to answer questions. That said, my response to your question is:

Go to the workshop, and start with Lesson #1.

-Alter Ego-

_________________
This too shall pass.

The Way Out is Through.

Ha, yeah, short and sweet and right to the point. Thanks CoachTim!