Recovery Nation

Rambling is good - we listen to our thoughts and sort things out. Works for me.
Exactly. What we call it doesn't matter - that is what I meant. Not accepting his behavior is about your enforcing your values drawing - a line in the sand. You have no control over his reaction. Tolerating his behavior lets him know that you are not honoring your values and reinforces his negative behavior.
I think you are in a different place now just from reading "your rambling."
Yes, that's basically it. If he does the work to recover, which is totally up to him, then you can make the choice to stay if that's what you want to do. His reovery is about his learning to manage his life in healthy ways according to healthy values that he establishes for himself - again his job, not yours. Your job is you and honoring the vision and values that you determine for yourself whether he's on the same page with you or not.

He will either do the work to recover or he won't . We have no control over anyone except ourselves. When we become emotionally attached to the outcome of the relationship, it robs us of the energy and focus we need for our own healing. It's a hard concept to accept, but this is the way it works. A healthy realationship happens when two healtlhy people are ready....and getting to that will take some time and hard work. Give yourself the Gift of Patience in your process.

Hope this helps.
Nellie

Thank you for listening to my rambling - I know I have wandered off topic here.