|CT2009's Recovery Thread
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|Author:||CT2009 [ Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:58 pm ]|
|Post subject:||Lesson 33 - Day 2|
Lesson 33 - Day 2
ItÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s hard to differentiate between thought, physical sensation and emotion.
IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m tired in the morning, and want coffee and add meds to pick me up.
IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m in a sleepy state, and I want to intensify the dreamy state.
IÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢m full of energy, so I want to have an outlet: value based or compulsive based.
1) Anxiety for leaving cell phone at home. General anxiety which attaches itself to this, or cause and effect?
2) Happiness and being energized from Adderall.
3) Excitement and happiness about working with people at my company.
4) Dread, discomfort, sinking feeling, guilt of messy garage.
Role Play : Height of Urge
Allow myself to feel unpleasant emotion.
Acknowledge that the desire to change an unpleasant feeling is valid. Remind myself that the usual method chosen (compulsion) doesnÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t work. Consciously do a non-sexual activity I know will change the emotional state:
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ go for a walk
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ go to the movies
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ clean my home
Role Play: Fear of urges, anxiety, sleepiness, strong emotion, exhaustion
Fear of my own emotions.
A fragmented self: one frightened self, and some emotion perceived as external, and frightened self trying to avoid, escape or alter that emotion through a type of behavior.
As if an emotion ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œmakes meÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â
|Author:||CT2009 [ Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:41 pm ]|
1) What did I retain?
I am ready to let go of my addiction, I am ready to move on to a new phase in my life.
2) What do I need to retain?
Managing my life through ONLY values based action, rather than
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ stress relief through a/o
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ immediate emotional gratification
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ habit, familiarity
ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â¢ ritual ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â‚¬Å“emotional, mental or physical
3) What did I apply?
Motivation, concentration, focus.
Making it an active recovery.
4) Where did I succeed or fail, either during today or reviewing prior days? Why?
I succeeded today and yesterday.
I do the work, I get the results.
What are my new values or boundaries?
I value recovery.
Boundary: I will protect my recovery from my addictive thoughts, feelings or behaviors.
|Author:||CT2009 [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:15 pm ]|
|Post subject:||Update 7/9/2009|
I have been re-doing the entire workshop and am on Lesson 17.
What strikes me is how much I missed the first time through.
The biggest meaning for me in the past few days is JonÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s point in L15:
The vast majority of people suffering from sexually compulsive behavior have indeed been traumatized in some way--either emotionally of physically--and this trauma is usually sexual. That should never be used as an excuse for such behavior, only as a fact in understanding it. It is also important to note that while this traumatic introduction to sex is common in the vast majority of sexual deviants--it is most commonly found in those who have learned to associate their sexual behavior with values such as intimacy and love
I was always aware of how the abuse of my past contrubited to my cb, but it never sunk in that this was the central cause. I was respionsible for the continuation.
I also did not construct a true personal wheel of sexual compulsion. I recognized some elements, but I did not map the whole thing.
Also something tha Coach Osborne said: ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã…â€œYou can really break these rituals down into the smallest steps, that's the best way to gain awareness. Look for things like the mind games, justifications, emotions, specific actions, how you planned your rituals, etc.ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚Â
|Author:||CoachOsborne [ Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:40 am ]|
I've been meaning to check in with you for a while now. You know how it is, life is busy......
I like where your head is at right now. I see you started the lessons again, and it seems to be benefiting you. I remember you said that you had worked the workshop in an unconventional way, and didn't really stick to the plan. Now is a chance to really fill in any gaps/weakness in your foundation, in doing this you will find the transtion from early to mid recovery will happen for sure. You have a lot of experience behind you, and as Jon once told me "Even imperfect experience in recovery is useful, when you have the right attitude".
This experience will be very useful in guiding yourself through what remains of your transition. And supportive to those who you will one day serve in the role of recovery coach.
Keep up the good work
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