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 Post subject: My Recovery Work Shop
PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 5:57 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
My name is Mario and I am a recovering pornography addict. I have been sober from my addiction for 20 days.

I choose to use an active recovery in my process for sobriety. I choose to eliminate my addictive and harmful patters from my like forever. I take full responsibility of where my life was headed and where it is heading. Recovery will be my number one priority. I vow to conquer my addiction and my workshop starts today.

Lesson 1
A.
1) actively committing yourself to change
- I will commit myself actively to change by going through the lessons provided to me through the recovery workshop

2)not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
-at first guilt and shame were a major factor starting my sobriety. I will not allow those factor to hinder my recovery.

3)allowing yourself time to change
-as anyone would I would love to change my patters overnight and be healed. I know that this is not possible as I will need time to change. It could take up to a year or alot longer. I realize I cannot put a time line on my recovery that it will happen through hard work, time and commitment.

B.
Reasons for my commitment to change
1. I want to be healthy
2. I want to be honest and transparent with myselft.
3. I want to be honest and transparnet with my wife.
4. I want to be healthy for my children
5. I want to change my way of thinking
6. I want to be in control of my mind
7. I want to increase confidence in myself
8. Without porn I will have the time to connect with my loved ones and the things I truly love.
9. I want to clear my mind and my bad thoughts and garbage that was left over from my addiction
10. I want to reduce my insecurities I have with myself.
11. I want to have a healthy sexuality.
12. I want a healthy relationship with my spouse.
13. I want to exile the desires I had to view pornography.
14. I want to forgive myself of my wrong doings.
15. To have integrity
16. To stop the panic of hiding and covering up and the guilt of my actions.
17. I want to be FREE

C.
The picture I have choose is one of me when I was 2 years old. It is my favourite picture of myself as a child. I was to young to realize that addition was surrounded by me as I grew up around it all of my life with my father. I stared into the eyes of myself and began to tear up. I was so innocent like my own children are. I did not know what life had in store for me at that time. I was so innocent and vulnerable to the world. I want that child to find his way through a different path and have courage to guide himself back to who he should be and what he should be. To be healthy in mind body and spirit.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 02, 2015 8:24 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
Recovery Workshop: Lesson Two

Establishing a Healthy Vision for Your Life

Lesson Two

A) Take 20 minutes of alone time for Refection of your vision. I took 30 minutes. Time flies when there is so much to think about.

B) Talk to someone in your life about my vision (optional) I have decided to post my vision.

C) My Vision is to be finally free of my addiction and heal from the damage that occurred over the many years I was lost. I will be devoted to my loved ones (wife and children). I will start to become selfless no matter how much things may hurt or make me sad. I in vision a life of finally being happy with out holding the burden of secrets. Fixing my thoughts to healthy thinking. Most of all I vision fixing me first through recovery. Only then will I be able to fix the hurt I endured to others.

Mario - recovering porn addict


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 10:27 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
Recovery work Shop Lesson Three

The Role of Values

A)Write out your vision of your life in lesson two prior to completing lesson three. COMPLETED

B)Values from the Vision that I want in life and ways that I want to derive stimulation from my life.

1. Being dedicated
2. Being reliable
3. Honesty
4. Being sincere
5. Being Selfless to people in my life
6. MY sense of humor
7. Love from my family and friends
8. Taking care of my mind, body and my spirit
9. Loving my family and friends
10. Feeling masculine
11. Being respected
12. Being respectful of others feeling
13. Being sexually desired from the ONE person I am committed to
14. Sexual intimacy from the ONE person I am committed to
15. Being judged as trustworthy
16. Being forthcoming
17. Spending time with my children
19. Engaging in sports and activities I enjoy
20. Continuing to feel unconditional love the ONE person I am committed to
21. Gaining unconditional love from my soulmate
22. Connection to my own feelings
23. SOBRIETY
24. Fidelity
25. Forgiveness
26. Gaining forgiveness
27. Having self discipline
28. Living with integrate
29. Strengthening my role as a partner
30. Being dedicated to my partner
31. Being spiritual
32. Being a role model to my children and others
33. Gratification with my career
34. Strengthening my career role
35. Providing joy to everyone around me
36. Living an exciting life
37. Collecting the items I love
38. Cooking for others
39. Taking cake of my loved ones
40. Enjoying the outside
41. Taking my dog for a walk
42. Competition ( weather in sports or work etc. )
43. Putting others need before my own
44. Feeling empowered
45. Having family dinners at least once a month with extended family outside my home ( sister, in laws, nephews, friends etc. )
46. Helping someone in need.
47. Being a shoulder to cry one
48. Being approachable
49. Loving who I am
50. Family vacations
51. Finding who I am and who I want to be.
52. Finally being empowered, so that I can be who I always wanted to be.


C)List the dark side of my decision making.

1. Insecurity
2. Not feeling loved
3. Loneliness
4. Lack of self control
5. Lack of self worth
6. Mental immaturity
7. Desire to fill boredom with something damaging
8. Selfishness
9. Losing control
10. Instant gratification
11. Escaping reality

All my positive stimulation from my life are by far greater then the negative ones of my past. I am truly happy to have them in my life. This was a great exercise that enlightened me to better values for my vision in my life. I really enjoyed this one. It was a huge eye opener. I allowed the dark side of my decision making over power my true values of good stimulation.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2015 6:51 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3907
Location: UK
Hello BB
and welcome to RN


Quote:
I realize I cannot put a time line on my recovery that it will happen through hard work, time and commitment.
:g:
Remember RN is not about making you better as in getting over a sickness
it is about helping to make you a better person to live a better life and that really does take time
so
Quote:
I have been sober from my addiction for 20 days.

I suggest that you stop counting the days but live the early part of your recovery every day as if it were the first day
keep that resolve and just like addiction it becomes habitual but now healthily
so if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
however IMO your vision needs work

you said
Quote:
there is so much to think about.
and then you put it all into three lines
come on this is your envisaged future, I am sure you could broaden it
why not try what have you got to lose except time
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 10:38 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
Thank you so much for checking in on me. Your guidance and incite is much appreciated.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 11:34 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
Lesson 4

Prioritizing my Values

A)Prioritize my values from the previous lesson

1. Honesty
2. Integrity
3. Being Selfless
4. Self Discipline
5. Being empowered
6. Loving my family and friends
7. Being forthcoming
8. Strengthening my role as a partner
9. Being dedicated to my partner
10. Feeling empowered
11. Fidelity
12. SOBRIETY
13. Being judged as trustworthy
14. Being reliable
15. Being dedicated
16. Loving my family and friends
17. Love from my family and friends
18. Taking care of my mind, body and my spirit
19. Gaining forgiveness
20. Putting others need before my own
21. Loving who I am
22. Being respectful of others feeling
23. Gaining unconditional love from my soul mate
24. Continuing to feel unconditional love the ONE person I am committed to
25. Being sexually desired from the ONE person I am committed to
26. Sexual intimacy from the ONE person I am committed to
27. Being respected
28. Being a role model to my children and others
29. Taking cake of my loved ones
30. Feeling empowered
31. Spending time with my children
32. My scene of humor
33. Feeling masculine
34. Living an exciting life
35. Providing joy to everyone around me
36. Being a shoulder to cry one
37. Being approachable
38. Being a shoulder to cry one
39. Finding who I am and who I want to be
40. Having family dinners at least once a month with extended family outside my home ( sister, in laws, nephews, friends etc. )
41. Being spiritual
42. Strengthening my career role
43. Gratification with my career
44. Cooking for others
45. Collecting the items I love
46. Enjoying the outside
47. Taking my dog for a walk
48.Competition ( weather in sports or work etc. )
49. Family vacations
50. Engaging in sports and activities I enjoy

It was good to go through this exercise. I enjoyed going over my values again.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:00 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3907
Location: UK
OK
Quote:
Your guidance and incite is much appreciated.

now prove that this does have value
recover for you

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:42 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
The last time I tried to stop I was doing it for all the wrong reasons and not for myself. That way was a total disaster because I lied to myself about wanting to recover. I do not want to fail again. My will is strong to recover for me. I am still new to this site, but it has helped me more than I could image. I feel good about myself and what I am doing. But I have only journeyed one inch in the mile marathon I have undertaken. I am not putting a timeline on my recovery; I will take this one day at a time.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 8:30 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
LESSON 5

Identifying Incongruent Values

A) Review prioritized value list and ask myself "Does this reflect the person that I am committing myself to becoming?"

When I reviewed my prioritized value list it was like looking in the mirror and asking myself that question after each value I wrote. It was very emotional for me during most of this exercise. These were values that I always wanted in my life and I lied to myself in the past about following, knowing I was doing destructive behavior. Deep down I was not happy with myself and my behavior and it effected my perspective on true values. These all reflect the person I want to be and who I am committing myself to become.

B) Three Major Decisions that I have made in my life

1. Marriage
2. Having Children
3. Buying a house

There is no question in my mind that I would have made the same three decisions today as I did in the past. The difference would be my current prioritized value list that i created. Everything would be so much clearer now using that list of values and committing myself to that person I want to become.

C)

I reviewed each value for its realism. I cannot just write words on a paper or a screen to go through the motions. If they are not real I will fail. They have to be real for me to succeed and they are all real, more then ever. I finally realize that going through these lessons. Thank you for helping me realized this.

D)

1. Honesty
2. Integrity
3. Being Selfless
4. Self Discipline
5. Being empowered
6. Loving my family and friends
7. Being forthcoming
8. Strengthening my role as a partner
9. Being dedicated to my partner
10. Feeling empowered
11. Fidelity
12. SOBRIETY
13. Being judged as trustworthy
14. Being reliable
15. Being dedicated

These 15 values are still ranked the same as the previous exercise. These were all values that I have struggled with in the last 15 or so years. I lost the true meaning of these values along the way. They were all at one point a top priority to me or maybe that is what I thought. They got buried by the dark side of my decision making. Now, they are a priority in my life.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:56 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3907
Location: UK
Bb
Quote:
I am still new to this site, but it has helped me more than I could image. I feel good about myself and what I am doing

:g:
remember this feeling and know it gets better as you go
however there will be times when you will want to return to your addiction
so once again reflect on how you feel today and how you felt when you faced your truth

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 4:59 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
Great advice.
The draw of my addiction continues to pressure me. But I have hit it head on and won with using the correct decision making. Its a good feeling to deny it and finally has some sort of power over it.


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 Post subject: Lesson 6
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 6:11 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
LESSON 6

Building Proactive Action Plans I

Develop proactive action plans for 2-3 of my top 15 values (simpler ones)

1. Honesty
- absence of secrecy
- being honest with myself first
- Take time each morning to reflect on behaviors that will make you feel guilty and lie and avoid them
- Avoid situations in which you'll have to lie for others
- Take 10- 15 minutes each night to reflect on my truthfulness of the day. (Am I proud what what I did and said)

2. Being Selfless
- Think about how other people feel
- Doing good things even if no one notices
- Take pleasure in other peoples happiness
- Model myself after others who are selfless
- Learning to forgive and forget
- Being the center of others world and not my own

3. Integrity
- Take 10-15 minutes each day to identify aspects of your behavior that require change
- Make a list of tasks and behaviors in which you will become more trustworthy in
- Enlist the help of others, as mentors ( through family and/or friends, sponsor)
- Continue daily to develop my accountability (owning up to mistakes)


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 Post subject: Lesson 7
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 1:59 pm 
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Posts: 39
LESSON 7

Proactive Action Plans 2

Self Discipline
- Schedule a particular task (exercise, walk the dog) each day at a certain time and complete it.
-Re frame from junk food and limit it to one day a week
-No drinking for a week starting today. ( I only drink casually anyways, but I do not need to for social iteration).
-Only check my personal email or Facebook once a day at a particular time

Becoming Empowered
-Review the dreams I haven't fulfilled and figure out what's stopping you.
-Feel the control I have over my decisions
-Learn to let go of my mistakes and learn from them
-Keep a journal where I record your growth

Sobriety from my Addiction
-REMOVE ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR MIND
-FOLLOW MY HEART
-NEVER GIVE UP
-REMOVE ALL SORSES OF TEMPTATIONS
-TAKE ACTION

Becoming More Reliable
-Never make promises unless you are ready to fulfill them
- Following through with my feelings
- making my actions consistent
-Confront my mistakes


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 Post subject: Lesson 10
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 5:53 pm 
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Posts: 39
Lesson 8 and 9 has moved. Moving to lesson 10

LESSON 10

The Concept of Absolute Honesty

Part 1
During my addition I had many lies and untold truths. I did everything in my power to deceive my wife from what I was doing. I knew I had a problem, but was to afraid to divulge what I was doing behind her back. This lead me to a darker path in my addiction. When I was finally caught in a lie I broke down and told her what I was doing and that I have cheated on her. I told her the truth about everything. I always knew the risk of coming clean but was to afraid to do so. I am glad in away that I finally cam clean because I would have just gotten worse. The risk I did take when coming clean is now a reality. My relationship with my wife could be over because I came clean, but it was for the better. For both of us. With out that truth, i could never go do this path of recovery and I would have continued to hurt her.

Part 2
I did divulge everything to my wife, acknowledging that i could jeopardize the future of that relationship in doing so. I knew that when I come clean and it had to be done.

Part 3
I have been doing outside counseling for over three weeks. I am comfortable there and have only told the truth. I knew that lying would hinder my recovery and I would fall back to addiction. This is a lesson I wish I had done 3 years ago.

Part 4
All the items I had for stashed for compulsive behavior has been destroyed. I did this over three weeks ago.
Items I had were
-Hidden folders on my desktop computer
-Two hidden thumb drives with dozens of pictures.

These were the only two sources for my addiction. Well the thumb drive was used on the desk top. I used the thumb drive as back up to the computer being down. The desk top computer was the only device that serviced my addiction. I had many devices that I could have used as well, but it was like I had a relationship with that computer and I could only look at porn and go to dating sites on that device. I destroyed that computer three weeks ago.

Part 5
People that I had used for compulsive sexual behavior are:
- One girl I met online while I was looking at porn for hours and only met one time, she was the first of three. I don't even remember her name nor did I care what it was at the time.
- Second girl, same as the first, only met once after chatting on line while I was looking at porn for hours
-Third, and last girl, Linsay, another girl I met online while looking at porn. we chatted one a site and shared pictures of each other.

Those three were the only physical ones. There were at least several more that I chatted with and shared pics with and talked sexually to. All these came to be after looking at porn for hours on end.

Part 6
The list of places when I went to act out my sexual compulsive behavior:
-Twice at a highschool by my home in a car. (both oral)
-Once at an appartment downtown. (oral)

All other times were on the computer during porn viewing sessions while chatting.


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 Post subject: Lesson 11
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:08 am
Posts: 39
LESSON 11

Assessing Your Compulsive Behavior

Reviewed the following patterns commonly associated with the sex/love addictions.

-Fantasy
-Masturbation
-Pornography
-Promiscuity
-Affairs
-Prostitution
-Rape & Sexual Violence
-Voyeuring, Exhibitionism & Stalking

I found the information on each section very enlightening. Especially the one that related mostly to me. (Masturbation, Pornography, Affairs). The common behaviors for each topic hit close to home for me and gave me a better understanding on each issue. This was a long, but fantastic read. I got a lot from this exercise for a professional point of view.


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