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PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 8:43 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W3;D1 Exercise 15, Perceiving My Addiction
I. What I have learned over the last two weeks?
1. I had a dominating and controling mother and I feel this contributed to me finding outlets for my frustration but the main reason was random fascination with masturbation and the pleasure I experienced.
2. Also I became obsessed in touching and seeing my female cousin
D. S. It was all I thought about from about 11-14 years old. I used this for years to fantasize about.
3. I have also learned that I have felt helplessness for most of my life.
4. This was mostly caused because I never had a foundation of my own. It was always someone elses values and reality.
5. I never created balance in my life and I almost always handled life and situations in a reactive way and rarely proactive way.
6. I did learn to be proactive in employment.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 9:17 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
II Find someone new in the program , and I chose William. I sent it to his personal thread, was I supposed to do it in the general thread? It was good to break the ice and just share some of the things I have learned so far.

PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:07 am 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W3;D2 Lesson 16 Understanding Addiction I
I. Some positve aspects of my addiction
1. When I am very stressed it gives immediate relief.
2. Because I don't create enough time for healthy balance in my life, I use the addiction for fast relief because it dosn't take much time.
3. It releases sexual tension .
4. When I work hard it is an easy and quick way to relax.
5. When I work hard I feel I deserve a reward.

PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:28 am 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W3;D3 Understanding Addiction II Lesson 17
Compulsive Ritual I have done
I. Being compulsive with masterbation
A. What eliments have been involved with me?
1. Sensory has played a big part
a. Touch has played a big part, the the use of hands, fingers mouth have all play a big part of my arousal.
b. Sight for me has been my biggest turn on. Nudity of my wife during love making excites be very much. Sight of nudity in a magazine while I have masterbated and the sight of a pretty women I see in public.
c. Taste and smell have played a part but to a lesser degree.
d. Sound of passion is also very exiting for me.
2. Fantasy
My fantasy's are imagery.
I use fantasy during masterbation.
I used to do fantasy during intercourse until I felt that was wrong with my wife and I stopped the behavior.
Fantasy heightens the intensity of the feelings building up to orgasm.
3. Acomplishment
I recieve intense pleasure when I bring my wife to orgasm.
4. Orgasm
I have compusively masterbated more than once in a day just because of the intense feelings involved.
Summerize the Ritual of Masterbation
Leadng up to masterbation it usually starts by me fantasizing about making love to someone. Then I would bring in many sensory items to build the intensity by touching myself all over then I would look at soft or
hard porn. I would prolong the feelings as long as I can and look at as many images of nude women as I can to build the intensity. Sometimes for variety I would use a vibrator in addition to my hands.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:17 pm 
Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
re: "Compulsive Ritual I have done"

This is a good start. I wold have preferred a bit more depth into your understanding of how you use these elements to enhance your stimulation, but we will get there in coaching. In our next session, we will explore these with much more depth and will put them into context of recovery and beginning urge control.

Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach

PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:14 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W3;D4 Exercise 17&18
Elements and Filters with a compulsive ritual
I. The compusive ritual I chose is masturbation
A. Habituation has played a big part of my ritual
1. At first I started by just useing my hand but the intenisity began to lessen so I would look at pictures (sensory). This helped increase the intensity until I wanted to be totally nude so I could see myself (sensory)
2. Then I wanted to see myself in the mirror while I masterbated.
3. I then needed more so I would fantasize.
My fantasies became so real I thought everyone liked and did what I did pretaining to sex.
4. I stared to use a vibrater to add variety and intensity.
5. Then I wanted more so I would use lotion.
The variety kept the intensity high.
The longer I could use these different means of stimulation and not come to an orgasm the higher the intensity would be. This gave me a sense of power because I was in control of the sensations, the intensity and when it would finally happen.
C. Intensity
It was important for me to control the lenght of time because if I had an orgasm too soon I was disapointed and felt it was all a waist of time and my orgasm wasn't as high.

PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2008 10:13 am 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W3;D6 Mastering Your Addiction Excercise 20
What has my addiction itself and roles that it has played affected my life
1st - 6th grade 6-13 yrs old
It started out as something that felt good
Then I wanted to shock little girls by exposing myself
Then it became something I could use because my mother was very strict
and I could fantasize and escape
I started feeling obsessed with the sexual feelings and how good it felt.
The role my addiction started playing was I was in control of a part of my life that was mine only. I felt power over shocking little girls and I could escape by not being able to play like my friends so this was the begining
of me coping with something I didn't like.
This was the begining of me sustaining my addiction.
Junior High 7th and 8th grade 14-15 yrs old
I was immature and shy and I wasn't popular in school.
I found a girlfriend that liked me and I wanted to be with her all the time.
I was becoming codependent on the feelings she was providing me.
It started out with a lot of kissing and petting.
Then I wanted to be around her not for the companionship but for the sexual feelings I was feeling.
When not with her I would masterbate and fantasize about having sex with her.
The role my addiction was playing was I was like other guys with girl friends who had sex together.
My self idenity was changeing that sexuality would make me popular and that girls liked sex too.
This was sustaining my addiction and I would pursue sex as a driving force in my life.
High School 16-18 Yrs old
At this time of my life I felt very sexual all the time.
I had sex with 5 different girls at this time and two of them were virgins.
I started feeling in control of this part of my life. This was becoming my new identity.
I would fantasize and masterbate many times during the day.
The role my addiction was taking on was that every girl I met I wanted to be sexual with them.
Then the ritual was that girls were in my life for sex only.
I became good at turning girls on and then I was in control of what I wanted and this gave a sense of power and importance.
Everything I was doing was sustaining my addiction.
I got married to my first wife 21-41 yrs old
Once I got married I felt anything pretainning to sex was OK. There were no boundries. I didn't have in place a value system of what was right or wrong.
The traumas or changes in my life during this time were;
1. I was the sole provider and it was now my responsibility to provide for my family.
2. I was close to my mother and my wife didn't want her calling us and told my mother this. I didn't say anything.
3. I went back to college at night after work
4. My mother died
5. I quit my job and bought a business
6. We had two boys that were our own and we adopted a girl
7. I had two affairs
8. I molested my daughter
My life became totally out of control and my addiction got worse and worse because I had no foundation or boundries.
There was always a lot of stress and drama in our life. My wife became very aggressive and controlling. I loved and addored her and my codependence became into full bloom. Anything she wanted finacilly I would give it to her even if I had to steal at work to give it to her. I wanted her approval and what ever I did wasn't enough.
The role my addiction played was this was my identity to be sexual and this is how I coped with stress. Again with my life out of balance this was immediate gradificaion but now I was addictive to it and it was the main way I dealt with life. I could never get enough and I kept doing more and more to get higher and higher sexual feelings.
My sexuality was how I interacted with the world, flirtation, affairs, group sex, massage barlors, x-rated movies, tried wife swaping and lots of paper pronografy.
Sex became my recreation, escape and I lived in a fantasy world. I would masterbate many time during the day.
I became a work aholic to earn more money. I started drinking wiskey to calm down and relax at night until I would get drunk every night.
The principal that evolved was that my whole life evolved around sex. Anyone and anyway I could get it I would do it. I lost all sense of what was right or wrong and I did not have enough values to realize how many people I was hurting. It was only about me.
I didn't like the life I had created for myself because I had no boundries about anything and I felt helpless. What I used to cope was more and more sex instead of chooseing a healthy outlet.
The only way I felt to fix the situation was I divorced my wife after 19 1/2
years of marrage. It was brought on because I was having an affair and she made me feel special. I didn't divorce to have the other women, it just helped me see there were nicer women then the one I was married to. All of these activities were sustaining my addiction and this is how I coped with the terrible life I had created.
Single for 1 1/2 years 42-43 yrs old
At the begining my life was less intense. I did keep my addiction going because I had three girlfriend at the same time. The main reason I had three women is because I didn't want to be alone so if one would dump me I had others. I did only have sex with two of them because one was very moral and din't want sex outside of marrage and I did many healthy activities with her like celabrating New Years Eve at a church function with no drinking and we prayed into the new year.
I wasn't all good because I looked up my Jr Highschool sweatheart who was married and I had an affair with her. It almost broke up her marrage.
Major Trauma
I was arrested for molesting my daughter 2 years earlier in my previous marrage. I was on probation for 5 years and I was required to attend counseling for men who had molesting issues. I was required to do a 90 day work furlouge program where I could go to work but I slept in a controlled facility after work and on weekends.
This was the first time I started stifling my addiction and to the point the addiction was absence from my life. I was scared to death if I did anything I would be arrested and put in jail. I didn't masterbate for the 90 days I was in the work furlouge program. This was the begining of my life changeing. I also started SA while going to the mandated counselor.
I met Irma at this time, we both worked at the same job together.
Irma was and is a very beautiful women but I have always said she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Irma was and is a very moral person and I fell in love with her. I had finally found a women that was beautiful, very intelligent and someone who treated me with love and respect. She knew of my molest issue and even went to counseling with me. She had three children and one was a girl the same age of my daughter. It was mandated that we tell all three children of my molest issue for their protection. I was never allowed to be alone with her daughter but I have never been alone with any female child since then until today.
I stopped masterbating, and all other sexualy activities that I had done before Irma. The only issue I was dealing with was I still had issues with Lust
Married Irma 43-present 65 Yrs old
I promised Irma I would do what ever it took to over come my addiction and not do any of the things I did in the past including Lusting. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, I got a sponsor, I worked on the 12 steps I did everything the program asked of me and yet I still Lusted. They say in the program that half measures avail us nothing. I was able to get 5 years of sexual subrietty. Then I would masterbate. I then got 3 years of sobriety and a number of 2 years in a role and then I would masterbate. I have been in SA since 1986 and yet I have only completed 11 of the 12 steps. During that time I have had 6 sponsors and only two of them made me be accountable for my actions and one of them I stopped and got another sponsor and the other one fired me for not following the rules.
At the first of our courtship and the beginning of our marrage I pored myself into the relationship. We were in love and everything was beautiful even when I had issues with Lust. We would make up and go on with life.
As much as I could with the tools I had learned in SA I was Stifling my addiction Irma and I had a very good and active sex life. I wasn't a great communicator but Irmas' kids where home and one by one they left but the last one went away to college 7 years ago. Then it was just Irma and I and our marrage started changing for the worse.
1. One of my sons from my first marrage was killed in an autobobile accident when he was 18 years old. He was living with Irma and I at the time with her 3 children.
2. My father died
3. My brother died
4. I filed bankruptcy
5. I lost a job over lust issues
Lust started to take a toll on our marrage and Irmas tollerance became less and less.
Then instead of lust being an occasional issue I was using lust to cope with the declining marrage. Irma became angrier and angrier and I began to withdraw more and more. I would get to a desperate place and I stopped making love to Irma because she said she didn't feel special and I was attracted to every one else. I start withdrawing to the point we hardly talked all day long even though we both worked from home.
I started masterbating more and I would buy pronagraphy also. I would stop for a week or two and do it again. I had about a year of sobriety about a year ago now I have about one month since I disclosed everything I have done since Irma and I have been married. We only made love twice last year when we took two different vacations together.
The Ritual was I would lust then we would make up and I would try for awhile and then I would lust again. This went on until Irma said she had zero tollerance for my lust and she said time and again If I lusted one more time she would leave me. I wanted to stop and I was getting very depress to the point I thought a lot about sucide. Then I thought Irma was still here and she put up with me all these years and if I commited sucide it would have all been for nothing. Everything has improved since we both are doing Recovery Nation.Irma kept saying that I was a failer in everything I did. I am in the Real Estate industry and our income has dropped to 1/3 of what it used to be. I didn't communicate with Irma and we weren't physically intimate and on top of that I Lusted.
My only familarer friend was my addiction. It was the only thing that gave me relief. I felt I was a failer in everything else. I used my addiction to minimize or illiminate the pain I was dealing with. I am very co-dependent and without Irma in my life I had nothing and nothing mattered. I hit bottom and thank God Irma told me about Recovery Nation.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 11:13 pm 
Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
Ok, to recap our session tonight: over this next week, you are to evolve your daily monitoring to the following:

"Today, I will look for spontaneous opportunities to initiate speaking to my wife from my heart."

Write this down. Seek to achieve two or three (at least) opportunities each day to experience this type of communication. Remember that it doesn't matter if these conversations last thirty seconds or thirty minutes. What is important is that you are consciously seeking out opportunities to engage in them.

Tomorrow, we will go over Session 3.

Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach

PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:59 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W4;D3 IDENTIFYING MY COMPULSIVE ELEMENTS Excercise 23Create My Own Elements
Real-Life example of Every Major sexual ritual I have engaged in
I will rate importance of the Element 1 through 5 with 5 being the highest.
I will also assign an element to each action.
1. Ritual of Masterbation
My wife tells me she is going to a family funtion just for women.
Anticipation - Level 3
I start fantaizing that I can masterbate while she is gone
Fantasy - Level 4
I start saving a little money every time I go to the store to have money to buy Porn matereal.
Anticipation/Fear I would be caught with extra money Level - 3
While my wife is getting ready I keep busy working in our home office to keep distracted.
Suspence - 3
I ask her how long she will be gone to see how long I have to act out.
Suspence - 3
She leaves and I call her on the phone to make sure is not she has not forgotten something and might come back right away.
Suspence - 3
I drive to the liquor store that has a large variety of porn magazines and there are usually many magazines that are not wraped.
Anticipation - 4
I start looking through them and find some favorites.
Fantasy - 5
I become nervious that the clerk will ask me to leave.
Danger - 3
I am nervious that a fiend or family menber of Irma might see me coming out of the store and tell my wife they saw me.
Danger - 3
As I drive home I caress my self through my cloths to stay aroused.
Touch - 3
I go into the house and lock all the doors and go upstairs.
Suspense - 3
I take off all my cloths to see myself.
Sight - 5
I also look at my self in the mirror.
Sight - 5
I continue to carees myself and I also get some cream.
Suspese - 4
I start looking through two magazines to find a few pictures that are my favorites.
Fantasy - 5
I try stimulationg myself as long as I can without going to orgasm.
Intensity - 5
I finally orgasm.
Orgasm - 5
I clean up my self and the area
Let down - 3
I feel since of accomplishment
Accomplishment - 4
I feel shame
Shame - 3
2. Ritual Lusting at a Restaurant while with my wife
Going to a a restaurant knowing there will waitresses there.
Anticipation - 2
Sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant instead of at a table in the corner or at the side.
Danger - 4
Sitting at a larger table across from my wife instead next to her which makes it difficult to be close and connected. I feel isolated and alone.
Danger - 4
Lots of people all around us because of large crowds.
Danger - 4
Noticing waitress walking around and what they are wearing.
Sight - 3
Start lusting.
Sight and Danger - 5
My wife gets angry
Danger - 5
3. Going to a family function with my wife's family
My wife tells me of a family function and when it is.
I feel fear because I have lusted at her family gatherings in the past.
Danger - 5
Her family speaks spanish to each other and I don't understand the language and I feel uncomfortable.
Suspense - 4
I start to feeling anxiety over the question if I should go and be with my wife or stay and not lust.
Suspense and Intensity - 4
I feel if I go and I lust then my wife will be angry with me and not talk to me for days after she has stated very strongly how disgusted and unhappy she is with me. I always feel guilt and shame when this happens.
Danger - 5
I decide I need to be with my wife and I start plannning how I will take care of myself and not lust.
Anticipation - 3
My plan is I will talk english to the men there.
I will talk to Irma.
I will pray from a book of prayers I have for this type of situation.
I will surrender each situation to God.
I pray just before I leave and my wife and I talk about my plan.
Preperation - 3
We get to the party and I sit with my wife. She gets involved with her family's conversation in spanish and I start to get bored.
Bored - 4
I leave her side and find men I can talk to. Then they start talking spanish and most of them start drinking alcohol. The max I will drink at these functions is one beer. A seperation starts and I start getting bored again.
Bored - 5
I go sit with Irma again but she is deep into the family and we talk briefly but its hard for me to have a converstion with her at these types of functions.
Increased intensity - 4
After about 3-4 hours of this I start noticing what the women are wearing.
Visual - 5
I surrender a few times and I give in and start lusting.
Fantasy / Danger - 5
I tell my wife I need to go home and she stays a few more hours.
I go home and I feel like a failer.
I feel ashamed and guilty.
Ashamed/ habitual - 3
I take a nap to escape the feelings.
Escape - 5
4. Ritual of looking in a neighbors window when lights are on
Wake up early in the morning at 5am and immediatley start thinking if the neighbor is in her bathroom getting ready for work.
Anticipation - 3
I start anticipating what I will see today.
Fantasy - 4
I start looking through my window into her window two doors from my home.
Anticipation/Sight - 4
I know she always gets ready in the nude in front of her mirror for a good 1/2 hour every morning.
Sight/intensity - 5
My lights are out in my home because I don't want to be seen.
Danger - 4
She is far enough away I can't see details so I imagin the details as though I was upclose.
Fantasy - 5
I start touching my self to increase the intensity of the feelings.
Touch - 5
I masterbate to orgasm.
Orgasm - 5
I clean up myself and around me.
I feel a great since of accomplishment.
Accomplishment - 3
I feel guilt and shame
Shame - 3
5. Ritual of Lusting at a mall
My wife says we are going to go to the mall.
I feel anxious knowing that women will be there.
Suspense - 2
It is a hot day and I know that the women at the mall will be in revealing cloths and shorts.
Anticipation - 4
As I drive to the mall I start feeling anxious.
Suspense - 3
Sometimes I pray before I get out of the car so I won't lust.
Preparation - 2
As soon as I get out of the car I start noticing women and what they are wearing. I try looking the other way as much as I can.
Sight - 3
I start talking to my wife to get distracted.
Preparation - 3
My wife gets distracted and starts looking at cloths.
I start getting nervious.
Suspense - 3
I start noticing what women are saying or doing.
Anticipation - 4
I start looking at what women are wearing.
Sight - 5
I start looking up esculaters so I can look up womens skirts.
Sight - 5
I lose myself and I look at everything I can see.
Sight - 5
My wife catches me and there is a big fight.
Danger - 5
I feel shame and guilt.
Shame - 5

PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:28 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W4;D4 Identifying compulsive rituals Exercise 24
Compusive Ritual: Fighting not to Lust
#1. Two weeks ago my wife got angry with me because I expressed that I was uncomfortable about two young clients you came to our home and I felt uncomfortable with them and I had to fight not to lust.
Begining point of the next ritual was that I was angry with my wife because I was being vulnerable and shareing a weakness but I didn't lust and she said it didn't matter I thought I might
#2. She was distant from me over this for two days and I didn't try to resolve it even though I said I would share every day.
Feeling Guilty
#3. I start putting pressure on myself that I am not recovering fast enough.
Not trusting my wife that she will give up on me and leave me
#4. Go to Church with my wife and notice a young attractive girl in front of us.
Try avoid looking in her direction
#5. Noticed out of the corner of my eye she starts adjusting her skirt after standing up.
Got stimulated by her action
#6. Fought not looking at her the whole service.
Prayed and surrendered constantly, missed the message at the service

#7. Felt guilty for not being able to surrender the temptation to look.
Shame and Guilt
#8. I shared the issue with my wife when we left church. She said she felt my uncomfortableness and said why didn't I suggest that we move to another area?
I felt more Guilt and Shame
#9. She said she is feeling distant from me because I should have proactivly thought before I went into the church, if I have any issues I will move.
More Guilt and Shame

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:33 am 
Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572

Don't know what is going on with people tonight, but just about everyone is putting in some phenomenal effort in their work. This is great. Don't even know where to comment because you actually went beyond what was expected in the exercise.

Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach

PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:10 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W4;D5 Maping Compusive Rituals
Ritual Of Masterbation
My wife tells me she is going to an all girls party with the family.
1. Emotional arousal- I start fantaizing that I can masterbate while she is gone and I look forward to have the freedom to do what I want without controls.
2. I start saving a little bit of money every time I go to the store.
a. It feels good to have come up with a solution come with a way to buy porn.
3. While my wife is getting ready I go to my home office to work.
a. I want my wife to think everything is normal with my actions.
4. I ask my wife how long she will be gone.
a. I do this to see how long I have to act out, but I try to ask in a way she dosn't expect anything. I start getting nervous because I am afraid I am being obvious.
5. She leaves and I call to make sure she isn't coming back for anything she forgot I try not to sound suspicious.
6. I drive to a liquor store that has a lot of unwrapped porn.
a. This the point of no return, once I come this far I will buy a magazine and go all the way.
b. I start getting an erection.
7. I start looking through the magazines to find my favorites.
a. I get in a trance and I am wanting to hurry but I don't want to miss something good.
8. I become nervous that the clerk will ask me to leave.
a. I hurry all the more.
9. When I leave the store I become nervous that a family member will see me and tell my wife they say me there.
a. I must look guilty when I hurry out of the store and go to my car.
10. As I drive home I caress my self through my cloths.
a. I want to be as excited as I can when I start looking at the magazine at home.
11. I go into the house and lock all the doors and go upstairs.
a. I am afraid my wife will come home early.
12. I take off all my cloths.
a. I start getting into a trance.
13. I also look at myself in the mirror.
a. I enjoy nudity in myself and others.
14. I continue to caress myself and I also get some cream if I need it later.
a. I want to make sure I am prepared to heighten my experience.
15. I start looking through the magazine to find my favorites.
a. I look at every detail at every angle not to miss anything.
16. I try stimulating myself as long as I can without going to orgasm.
a. At this point I would not even here my wife if she came in the front door.
17. I finally orgasm.
a. I am exhausted.
18. I clean up my self and the area.
a. I become very nervous because I don't want any signs on what I have done.
19. I feel a sense of accomplishment by going to completion and not
being caught.
a. I start feeling guilty that I gave into my addiction.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:13 am 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W4;D6 Identifying Compulsive Chains Excercise 26 A
Provide two compusive chains in my life
A. The first chain with multible rituals
1. Workaholism
I chose workaholism because by being out of balance all my life by working all the time I turned to my addiction to try to offset this inbalance.
a. I get up every day at 5am 7 days a week.
b. 3 days a week I go to SA meetings.
c. The rest of the days I read the bible, work on RN or walk between 6-8am
d. I start working from home between 8-9. Pretty normal up until now.
e. I made a list of things to do for each day.
f. I start compulsivly working on the list.
g. I take small bathroom breaks but thats it.
h. My wife has asked me to take breaks and share where I am at and what I am doing. Time and time again I forget to share or when I share I have not been in touch with any feelings.
( I am working to change this but I need to post notes to remind me to share).
i. I will work straight through untll lunch and I normally only take 1/2 hour to eat.
(Starting to take 1 hour and to share with my wife during this time).
j. I will take an hour off for dinner but many times I have calls to make or I am in real estate and I show property at night.
k. I do this 6 days a week.
l. On Sundays I was working 1/2 day and the rest of the day was to rest.
( I just started taking one full day off).
m. To add to this ritual I drink 6+ cups of coffee per day to keep going.
n. I am addicted to caffine and I get caffine head achs.
o. I take Tyenol all day long to cope with the head achs.
p. I am usually tired on Sundays and it is hard to do something fun.
q. I haven't thought about what I want to do, so I depend on my wife to come up with idias. (I am working on that too).
r. Every night I make my list of what I will do the next day and the routine starts all over again.
a. I start noticing pictures of women on the covers of magazines in the grocery store.
b. I start noticing that there are women every where and I have to be careful not to look.
c. I am very aware of thier presence.
d. I start paying attention to what women are saying to each other as they stand in line at the store or women sitting next to me at a resturant.
e. My wife and I decide we will go out to dinner for some recreation and a break from work.
f. I find my self fighting not to look at the waitresses and women customers.
g. This has become a normal pattern.
h. Looking at women has become my recreation because my life is just based around work.
i. Because of being out of balance during the day and the whole week looking at women gives me stimulation in my life.
j. I start talking small talk with my wife because it feels awarkward. It is difficult to start talking from the heart right from the begining.
k. My wife might bring up issues we have not delt with during the week or she will bring up a problem about work.
l. I start getting anoyed because I have delt with problems all day and I want a break.
m. When we work from home and we work together we never really leave work.
n. This adds to my frustration and I need a break and I start noticing what the waitresses are wearing.
o. I start noticing what the women are wearing sitting across from us.
p. I am not giving my full attention to my wife and I will start lusting.
q. She notices and we fight and leave the resturant.
r. She expresses her anger and then dosn't talk to me for a few days.
s. I appologize and work at making amends.
t. I feel quilty and feel shame.
u. I start compensating how I feel by working harder at my job and will work until 9-10 pm at night for a few days.
The ritual starts all over again.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 5:28 am 
Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
Excellent depth with these three rituals. In our next session, we need to begin developing competence in manipulating these rituals in different ways. Expanding and condensing them at your will. Not because this is what urge control and/or recovery is all about, but because it will reinforce the foundation that you are putting into place in order to succeed in those other areas.

Let's see if we can get that session in early next week, shall we. Would hate to see you go longer than that.

Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach

PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:02 pm 

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 194
M1;W4;D7 Developing Compulsive Chains Excercise 26 B
Expanding the Compulsive Chain
A. The Chain of Lusting at a Wedding.
1. The chain begins by me working long hours with very limited time off.
I am self employed so I can choose how much I work.
2. I am very tired and my life is out of balance because I work all the time.
3. I become depressed and become very unhappy with life.
4. I become very vunerable to lust.
5. My wife and I are not very close because I have been working a lot of hours.
6. We have not been physically intimate in more then 6 months.
7. I am very easily aroused by being around other women.
8. I look for oppertunites to be stimulated.
9.When I go to the store I look for opportunities to watch women get out of thir car so I can get a glimps of legs or more if possible.
10. I will follow a women wearing a short skirt waiting for her to bend over so I can see her underwear.
11. I go to a fast food resterant and as I sit at my table I can see under the table at womens legs and sometimes their underwear.
12. I am very stimulated.
Second part of chain
1. MY wife tells me that we are going to a wedding tonight for one of her family members.
2. I become nervious because everyone speaks Spanish and I get bored and I Lust.
3. Then I start thinking that there will be women of all ages wearing revealing and sexy cloths.
4. I don't want to lust so I start coming up with idias not to lust.
The list is always the same:
a. Talk to my wife more.
b. Talk to men who speak English.
c. I surrender and pray.
5. I tell my wife of my plans to stay healthy.
6. She also agrees to talk to me in English not just talk in Spanish all evening.
7. At the wedding all the women are dressed in thier prettiest and sexiest cloths.
8. I try to look the other direction but they are everywhere.
9. I start doing the things I said I would do to take care of myself.
10. This works but after about 3-4 hours I start giving in.
11.My wife and all the men are all talking Spanish and I get bored.
12. So I decide I am going to enjoy all the scenery and I tell my wife I am going to talk to some men.
13 All the men and a lot of the women have been drinking a lot and the women start dancing wilder with a lot of motion and movement of their bodies.
14. Then with the lights down low the couples start dancing slow. Some of the men are caressing the women and the women are rubbing themselfs against the men.
15. It is dark and I caress myself through my cloths under the table and I
get an erection.
16. I want to go to the restroom to masterbate.
17. On the way I see a young couple look around and then go out a side door.
18. I follow them and they go to their car and from where I am at I can see what they are doing.
19. The man opens the womens blouse and starts kising her.
20. I am hidden behind a bush and I masterbate to orgasm.
21. I clean my self up and go back the the party and stay with my wife the rest of the evening.

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