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PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2018 4:31 am 
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1st Lesson response: Before I post the first lesson response, I'll post this test message. I will keep it short. The idea being that I want to be able to find it again and continue the thread as a way to track history and progress.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2018 6:44 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3945
Location: UK
Hi Tomm
dont be shy
come on in

You have been here three weeks now and said
Quote:
continue the thread as a way to track history and progress.


The early lessons are IMO the most important as they are the foundation of everything else
and as with most things making the start is critical
so I ask, what do you have to lose
believe me there is so much more to gain
grasp it now

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2018 2:50 am 
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1st lesson: motivation
You will see recovery not as a punitive consequence of a failed life, but as an extraordinary challenge to become the person you want to be. A challenge to take pride in.

A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are: 
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys? Briefly share your thoughts in your Recovery Thread.
1) I perceive myself as actively committed to change. However, it has taken me a long time to even complete this first post on my recovery thread. So I am not sure how active I am. To be honest making the time to really engage in the exercises has not been a priority. It has taken a good three months to really see the significance of engaging deeply. I hit rock bottom a few months ago and the motivation to lead a life that is not duplicitous was strong. The revelation that came with the discovery that I was a sex addict explained so much. I guess I have only really known that I am a sex addict for a few months. Though I have known that I have been lying for years. Learning that I am a sex addict in a strange way has given me hope. I suppose a label a condition. I am now seeing that it isn’t as much of a disease but a part of who I am and it is going to be hard to take charge of this addiction as I am not sure where it’s source stems from. I do know that a hard part is figuring out how I want my life to be.
2) Guilt and shame should occupy a larger part in my life. I think I am able to deceive myself into believing in the person I have projected outwardly to others. On the other hand, I do feel ashamed in not being the connected father. I probably have buried the guilt and shame. It doesn’t seem to be sabotaging my commitment yet. I expect guilt and shame to flood in and out of my life in waves. I don’t expect to drown in it though.
3) Allowing myself time to change has been really difficult. Moving out of my home and living now with others, I find it hard to find a private space where I can think and be by myself. This of course could be a denial tactic. After all, we got to the moon. I am now in a better place than I was for the last few weeks. I really think I can make the time.



B. Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is your motivation. Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positve. For example: " I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be honest and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones. List these in your recovery thread.
1. I want to know who I really am
2. I want to discover what I have missed all of my life
3. I want to be completely honest with myself
4. I want to be able to lead a fulfilling life
5. I want to be a ‘real’ guide and mentor not a duplicitous one
6. I want to be proud of who I am
7. I want to make a positive difference
8. I want to connect deeply with my wife
9. I want to connect intimately with my wife
10. I want to connect honestly with my wife and children
11. I want to experience real love
11. I want to be trusted
12. I want to be able to give sincerely
13. I want to be physically and emotionally healthy
14. I want to know what drives my compulsive behavior
15. I want to know how I got here
16. I want to be free from this destructive cycle
17. I want to have a very different rest of my life, with all of the things in the list above
18. I want to be a better human being for my family and people I know and love
19. I want to be a human being that is only one person with no secrets
20. I want to be able to use the time I waste with secrecy on being courageous and creative
21. I want to know what I might be capable of achieving


C. Now, with the picture in hand, look into that child's eyes.

Looking at myself, those innocent eyes, and smile. You don’t need to be told who you are or who to be. Right now I am filled with loss. I am smiling. There are things I must share, don’t lie, be bold and honest. Don’t lose your way by manipulating people, honesty is everything. Don’t be afraid to be who you are. I still don’t know who I am but I do know that lying has got me into where I am today. This is the most important lesson, whatever you do, be truthful. You will grow to be a beautiful human being, trust people, embrace intimacy but most important of all be honest.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:28 am 
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Exercise 2: Personal Vision
1) Is it practical or is it idealistic? Practical is what we are shooting for. Idealistic visions feel good, sound good...but they serve very little purpose, other than to create unrealistic goals for which failure is already guaranteed.
2) Is this vision capable of sustaining a healthy life? Are there enough values identified that have the potential to generate fulfillment. To counter instability. To drive decision-making.

My vision for the future is to be honest. I don’t know what job I will take on or how I will re-unite with my family, but I do know that this will not happen if I am not honest. My vision is to be either with my family or at least nearby. I wish to be a positive role model for my children. To do this, I must learn how to talk appropriately with them about my addiction and share what I am going through. Every value that I have shared with the world around me, my community, is compromised by who I really am. I wish to embrace and live by the values that I have developed without that compromise. I think being honest with my wife and family will help me to achieve this. In terms of security, at present, I am relying on money that was saved. I must actively seek a way to provide for the family but most importantly, I want my wife to feel safe. Again, I think honest communication will help achieve this goal. I enjoying adventure and being spontaneous. I don’t want to lose who I am completely. I enjoy new experiences and meeting new people. To be able to do this, whether with my family or not, I can only achieve this be communicating honestly with my wife and family. Will there ever be trust between us, I don’t know but again, a vision of being with my wife and family in an intimate and healthy relationship can only happen with open honesty. This is scary as it is easier to lie. To achieve this level of honesty, I will continue with my counseling, complete exercises on RN and the work given by the councilor, find ways to be accountable online and activate these ways. I will seek professional guidance to help rebuild my career.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2018 4:24 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3945
Location: UK
Hello Tomm
and finally we can welcome you to RN
Quote:
I perceive myself as actively committed to change. However, it has taken me a long time to even complete this first post on my recovery thread. So I am not sure how active I am. To be honest making the time to really engage in the exercises has not been a priority. It has taken a good three months to really see the significance of engaging deeply.


good admission, I hope that this does demonstrate a commitment to change
recovery requires change and change requires commitment total commitment
finding or making time will not suffice
recovery needs to be a priority

from your posts in particular it is very evident how important your family are to you
:g: great
that is natural but in the early days of recovery you need to be your focus and hence top priority
you need to prove and demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy and deserve your family
you need to do this for you

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid and positive and about you

your vision IMO should be broader
a read of coach Mels how to found at the top of this forum might be worthwhile
then consider you, put you in your vision
think
health, fun, friends, hobbies,spirituality, love, work etc ie step outside of the box, it is worth it

remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 3:11 am 
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Posts: 11
EXERCISE 3
Vision for the future:
To be happy. To be someone I can be proud of and have dignity. To have a sense of worth, to have a purpose, find challenges and see them through to make a difference. Most definitely to be father. I want to be financially stable and be able to contribute financially, to be a provider. I want to fall in love again. I want to be there for my family, parents, brother sister. I want to explore love and experience genuien love and sex. I want to travel and appreciate nature, other people. I want to be able to be creative, to listen to others and not fear what others may think of me. I want to be a trusted friend, husband and worker. In my vision, I am respected and respectful. I have dignity, I am not a hypocrit and that I truely live by the values that I show to the outside world. As I get older and older, I want to have the deep companionship of someone I trust and who trusts me. I want to be with the person in ths life for love and not just because it’s the right thing to do. To feel forefilled and be the forfillment for others.

List of values:
1. living with out hypocracy
2. living with dignity
3. living with integrity
4. living without fear
5. to be creative
6. to be supportive
7. to be understanding
8. to appreciate beauty in nature
9. to appreciate beauty in people, not objectify or sexulise
10. to be sincere
11. to have compassion
12. to be a role model for my children
13. to able to judge with wisedom and be judged
14. to have true good friends
15. to follow passions
16. to love my children and my family unconditionally
17. to live with a sense of worth
18. to live with a sense of purpose
19. to be financially responsible
20. to be allturistic
21. to help others financially
22. to feel love
23. to not have secrets and have trust
24. to be intimate
25. to be feel supported to pursuit passions and dreams
26. to support others passions and dreams
27. to be healthy
28. to be admired
29. to be desired sexually
30. to have a sense of humor and have fun
31. to be a role model for my family
32. to work as a team as a parent
33. to be supportive of the maturation and growth of my children
34. to be supportive of my families needs
35. to be able to listen to their needs
36. feel whole in the family
37. feel a part of the family
38. be supportive of my children’s passions and interests
39. be physically with my children and enjoy there presense
40. enjoy my children’s independance
41. support my childrens dreams
42. be a role model for my children
43. to be free spirited
44. to be spontaneous
45. to travel and learn
46. to share experiences
47. to learn from experiences and others
48. to feel freedom to think
49. to feel the freedom to create
50. to be a trusted friend
51. to be a trusted husband
52. to be a trusted father
53. to be realistice
54. to be a dreamer
55. to nuture friendships
56. adaptible
57. resourceful
58. reliable
59. friendly
60. to nudge
61. to make connections
62. to actively listen
63. to delve deeper into love in life
64. to experience genuine trusting relationships
65. to give
66. to be a genuine father, husband and friend
67. to be exccellent in my job
68. to contribute professionally at work
69. to instill confidence in others
70. to lead fearlessly
71. to lead compassionately
72. to grow old happily
73. to be healthy
74. to have no regrets
75. to love
76. to forgive
77. to have learned and lived fitfully
78. fidelity
79. being seen as friendly and warm
80. being seen as a creator of ideas
81. being seen as a person to go to for help and out of the box solutions
82. being seen as someone worth having as a friend
83. to empower other
84. to feel empowered
85. to be physically fit
86. attractive to women
87. to be around good people
88. connecting people
89. feeling productive
90. feeling useful
91. feeling apreciated
92. feeling on top of things
93. having life plans
94. financial plans
95. emotional plans
96. having time to just explore
97. to know what’s going on but not obsess with it
98. to promote healthy inter-net use
99. to see and share pornography healthily
100. to die knowing I made a postive difference with few regrets


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 3:50 am 
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Exercise four: Prioritised list of practicle and universal values. As I feel I missed some values from the larger list, this is a synthesis of what I missed with those from exercise 3. This list represents what I think are the most important ones to achieve my life vision.
top 15
1. integrity / honesty
2. dignity for myself and others
3. to have a sense of worth
4. to have a sense of purpose
5. resiliance and persistance (to use these values to guide decisions in life)
6. compassion for myself
7. compassion for my children and family
8. to feel love (to fall in love and be loved)
9. to be trusted and to trust
10. to be physically, mentally and emotionally healthy
11. to be able to empower others and allow others to empower me
12. to enjoy fatherhood
13. to feel apreciated
14. to be scincere
15. to be compassionate
16. to listen actively
17. to instill genuine confidence in others


1. to be creative
2. to be supportive
3. to be understanding
4. to appreciate beauty in nature
5. to appreciate beauty in people, not objectify or sexulise
6. to be a role model for my children
7. to able to judge with wisedom and be judged
8. to have true good friends
9. to follow passions
10. to love my children and my family unconditionally
11. to be financially responsible
12. to be allturistic
13. to help others financially
14. to not have secrets and have trust
15. to be intimate
16. to be feel supported to pursuit passions and dreams
17. to support others passions and dreams
18. to be healthy
19. to be admired
20. to be desired sexually
21. to have a sense of humor and have fun
22. to be a role model for my family
23. to work as a team as a parent
24. to be supportive of the maturation and growth of my children
25. to be supportive of my families needs
26. to be able to listen to their needs
27. feel whole in the family
28. feel a part of the family
29. be supportive of my children’s passions and interests
30. be physically with my children and enjoy there presense
31. enjoy my children’s independance
32. support my childrens dreams
33. be a role model for my children
34. to be free spirited
35. to be spontaneous
36. to travel and learn
37. to share experiences
38. to learn from experiences and others
39. to feel freedom to think
40. to feel the freedom to create
41. to be a trusted friend
42. to be a trusted husband
43. to be a trusted father
44. to be realistice
45. to be a dreamer
46. to nuture friendships
47. adaptible
48. resourceful
49. reliable
50. friendly
51. to nudge
52. to make connections
53. to delve deeper into love in life
54. to experience genuine trusting relationships
55. to give
56. to be a genuine father, husband and friend
57. to be exccellent in my job
58. to contribute professionally at work
59. to lead fearlessly
60. to lead compassionately
61. to grow old happily
62. to be healthy
63. to have no regrets
64. to love
65. to forgive
66. to have learned and lived fitfully
67. fidelity
68. being seen as friendly and warm
69. being seen as a creator of ideas
70. being seen as a person to go to for help and out of the box solutions
71. being seen as someone worth having as a friend
72. to empower other
73. to feel empowered
74. to be physically fit
75. attractive to women
76. to be around good people
77. connecting people
78. feeling productive
79. feeling useful
80. feeling apreciated
81. feeling on top of things
82. having life plans
83. financial plans
84. emotional plans
85. having time to just explore
86. to know what’s going on but not obsess with it
87. to promote healthy inter-net use
88. to see and share pornography healthily
89. to die knowing I made a postive difference with few regrets


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 4:02 am 
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Exercise five, top eighteen values for life adjusted again but not too much:
1. integrity / honesty
2. dignity for myself and others
3. to have a sense of worth
4. to have a sense of purpose
5. resiliance and persistance (to use these values to guide decisions in life)
6. compassion for myself
7. compassion for my children and family
8. to fall in love and commite to fedelity
9. to be trusted by family, friends and co-workers
10. to be physically, mentally and emotionally healthy
11. to be able to empower others and allow others to empower me
12. to enjoy fatherhood
13. to feel apreciated by others, in work, in family and by friends
14. to be scincere
15. to be compassionate
16. to listen actively
17. to be attractive to women and sexually desired (not always)
18. to be free of guilt and fear to be spontaneous and creative


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:09 am 
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Lesson 6:
Exercise six:
Using the list from exercise 5 ... the top eighteen values for life
1. integrity / honesty
2. dignity for myself and others
3. to have a sense of worth
4. to have a sense of purpose
5. resiliance and persistance (to use these values to guide decisions in life)
6. compassion for myself
7. compassion for my children and family
8. to fall in love and commite to fedelity
9. to be trusted by family, friends and co-workers
10. to be physically, mentally and emotionally healthy
11. to be able to empower others and allow others to empower me
12. to enjoy fatherhood
13. to feel apreciated by others, in work, in family and by friends
14. to be scincere
15. to be compassionate
16. to listen actively
17. to be attractive to women and sexually desired (not always)
Pro Active plan:
“There is no definitive structure for building an effective proactive action plan. On the one hand, it is as simple as determining what areas of your life you want to strengthen and then writing out a plan to strengthen those areas. On the other hand, the areas that you choose must be both practical and meaningful to you”

* 12 To enjoy fatherhood:
* Co-develop a parenting plan to address concerns relating to our children (love, honesty, secrecy, compassion, expressing emotions)
* Follow this parenting plan
* Evaluate/evolve this parenting plan in a timely frame, possibly with a focus on the summer plans first
* To rebuild my health
* maintain sessions with therapist
* remain vidulant of sobriety (one day at a time)
* complete exercises from RN and understand them
* be mindful of thoughts and feelings and note them down
* be honest with others and myself, continue to learn about being spontaneous and vulnerable by reading and completing exercises from RN
* To rebuild relationships with my wife and her family
* Be reflective of what I say and do,
* be coherent with my plans and values and the life decisions I make
* Own the person I am and take full responsibility for my actions by sharing what I am, what I’ve done and not be defensive
* Learn how to be a father that is honest, but not brutality honest by reading from RN, other sources and work with therapist
* Be there for my wife by being honest, continue to learn what honesty is and isn’t.
* Face the family this summer, appologise, take the consequences
* Be honest about what I want in life
* To rebuild a healthy realtionship with My wife
* Share with absolute honesty/absence of secrecy
* Express my emotions openly and spontaneously
* Express my emotions with vulnerability (e.g. without fear of being judged or rejected)
* Monitor for signs of frustration and work to overcome this, not get drawn into it
* Monitor myself for signs of frustration and engage in my action plan for anger/frustration when necessary
* Initiate meaningful communication on a daily basis. Don't sit back and wait
* Answer questions with more than one or two word responses
* become an equal, in maturity, emotionally and not rely on her for these atributes
* affirm and support her recovery from the trauma of my betrayal
* don’t base my healing on looking for aformation, be mature
* allow love to come naturally through an apreciation and discovery of one another
* look into one anothers eyes allow for sincerety
* be positive in looking to the furture
* To be financially stable
* find a place to life and make space for kids to be able to visit
* look for work in the local area
* learn more about business with a view to expanding skills
* interview with boss, explore ways to return to my career
* share and sort out financial matters with wife fairly and honestly so that we are both independant of one another.
* To build in an element of spontinaity and flow
* Be prepared to make decissions on the go based on values
* Be contactable and available where ever I am
* Be prepared to study and train in new areas
* Be prepared for set backs
* To have a sense of worth and purpose
* find projects that help others
* stay physically fit
* remain commited to full recovery from addiciton
* Be honest with myself and others
* Learn to like myself for who I am


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2018 2:32 am 
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Exercise 7. Exercise 7:
I am back after a long absence.
This all takes so much time to understand fully what is required of me for myself and my healing.

Initial action plan for the top values in my life
1. Integrity / honesty: my action plan for this is to communicate clearly and honestly with my wife and friends and family but the later will take a form that is less detailed. My plan is to work harder on recovery nation, to post the responses to the exercises. I think I can bring the number to three a week. I will continue to keep a diary of my thoughts and struggles with urges and acting out though I have remained sober for sints of 4 weeks before acting out. I shall use the diary and share my thoughts with my wife. This will allow her to know whatI’m thinking rather than letting her guess, which doesn’t work as I have deceived and manipulated for 23 years, so it will have to written. So 3 exercises a week if not more, working through the exercises in the mornings. Couples counceling after this weekend, and keep writing thoughts in diary as a place for future conversations. I am not sure whether this constututes an action plan but the goal is to remove unabiguity and allow honest communication to grow.
2. dignity for myself and others: watching porn, fashion models on the internet or seeing a women on the street and fantising about masturbating to them later goes against the values I want to have. So by installing covenant eyes on all my devices I hope to create dialogue if I use the internet for such activities. For the catching a glimpse of a women whilst just out shopping or going from A to B, I will note that I am doing so and jot down any feelings or wants that I had at the time. I will pursuit to tell the truth as the person I am lying to in the end is myself andf that just leaves holes in the head and will not result in healing. Whilst with my parents and family I asked my sister to be a person I could call. Here I will ask a friend if they would be willing to receive a call if I have an urge to masturbate and can’t control it. I haven’t asked a friend yet, this is a flauw in the plan so far. TOO BE CONTINUED.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2018 3:11 am 
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Exercise 10
EXERCISE 10: honesty
Part 1
I am in a partnership, my wife is giving me time to understand who I am. She is angry and my time to demonstrate this is running out. I feel I have come a long way but I am aware that I fit that catagory of recovering addicts. I do intend to be completely honest, but until very recently has not fully grasped that completely honest means being utely aware of my own thoughts first. I am more aware than ever of just catching an attractive women. I have not given this much thought but it fits my ritual. To put myself in a place away from porn and be in a public place has shifted my use of porn to seeing real people. If I see attracvtive people, I have looked back ... I wouild plan top masturbate later, not of the image of the women I saw, no but of an idea or fantascy. I am not sure what that is yet but it is something that I must work with with my therapist. I have some huntches: If I see an attractive women, I don’t stare, I don’t want to create an akward feeling, what I look for is as close to a natural feeling of making contact and a smile. Now I don’t know yet what this means. Is it wanting to be liked, to have power over, insecurity, I’m not sure. I do know that I am now aware of these processees and will use this as part of exercise 7 to monitor my thoughts and emtions everytime I see an attractive women. The risk of sharing these is that I will not be respected again in a public place as I will be viewed as a person that objectifies women. The risk is that the values that I want to hold are in contradiction with this behavior and could lead to feeling guilt shame with a result that I act out.

Part 2
I am in a partnership. I don’t want to hide anything. The results of hiding are catastophic and my likelyhood of being free of this addiction is minimal. WIth regards to the past and all the acting out I have done, I have shared landmark stages in my acting out. I have minimized the number of times I have been to massage palours and the number of massage palors I have visited. I have lied about dates as I honestly don’t remember the actual dates of times when I visited a bar with girls in the philippines. I have lied about what my fantascies are. I would like to defend some of these lies. I look forward to a responce if anyone is reading. I am bluring my drive to meet attractive women and masturabte and my curiosity. I steered clear of bars in the Philippines and Thailand but I did go to them and see what was going on. If I had been living there this last couple of years, I feel I would be trying to go to ther bars regularly. I am glad that didn’t happen. I replaced porn with actual encounters with women in massage palors, thinking that was better than porn. I have lied that I don’t look for encounters with attractive women, this I now realize is a part of the ritual I would live by. Go to a coffee shop to work and if an attractive women or women came in, it would shift something in my brain to plan to mastubate later. If women didn’t come in I wouldn’t. I am not aware of all the lies I am telling myself with regards to meeting attractive women and fantising about them. This I am working on.

Part 3
I trust my therapist, I am not intentionally lying about any of my journey, feelings or thoughts. Every session is challenging and I have to dig deep and think. I know I am not aware of what I lie about and when issues such as having a prefered fantasy or a realisation I have rituals comes up, I try hard to talk it through. It seems to be helping.

Part 4
I do not hide any porn magazines or images on computers of hard drives. I don’t have an account with any porn site. I know I can easily find porn for free. I don’t have prefered sites to go to, I have searched genres or fantascies using google. I have spent hours avoiding sites that I perceived as being violent or a scam or illegal. That doesn’t mean that the sites I frequented were savory. I don’t revisit the same pictures of a model or the same movie. That means I have seen thousands of pictures and hundreds of movies.
I used massage palors for massage but liked for it to move toward being a sexual encounter. I don’t like going for sex. So I made sure that I didn’t visit a palor more than once in a month. Generally I went to one ever week and a half. This was to not become to familiar. I will continue later ...


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:07 am 
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Posts: 439
Hi Tomm,

You have got off to a good start but please try and stick to your plan of going through the lessons regularly in a way that works for you as you have indicated. As you proceed through the lessons you will quickly learn the tools that are required to change and recover and this will help you mange situations which up until now have been difficult for you. You have the added pressure of a partner that is keen to see signs of progress which is understandable but it is equally important that you take time to take on board what you are learning as it isn't a race. I am sure that demonstrating that you are steadily working your way through and digesting everything will stand you in good stead on that front. You must do this for you in the first instance otherwise it won't work. If you are able to recover because you want to and you are therefore prepared to put the effort in then your partner will hopefully see the positive change in you too.

The early lessons can catch you between two stalls, you need to not act out but have not yet learned the lessons of how to avoid it. Whilst you work through and take things on board remember why you are here, you may very well look at another woman and find her attractive and this is actually a perfectly normal thing to do, the difference with an SA is that it is not left there and inappropriate thoughts come to mind and things go downhill from there quite quickly. You have seen where that takes you though and it is doesn't lead to a good place. You are showing awareness of how you instinctively think and act which is half the battle. Until you learn how to manage this more effectively, it may be helpful to make a point of not allowing yourself to let your thinking get away from you, stop those thoughts quickly and remind yourself that you will otherwise end up somewhere that you do not want to be. Avoiding an urge will feel uncomfortable to start with, but you won't be in physically pain so you can do that if you choose to make the right decision. When the urge passes you will then feel good about yourself for having made a right choice. Making the right choices can then quickly form a new habit too as will having a clear conscience over them - wouldn't that be nice?

Good luck with working through the lessons, I look forward to seeing your progress and help is on hand if you have queries on anything.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 3:42 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:12 am
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Thank you!


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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2018 1:30 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2018 11:12 am
Posts: 11
Exercise 12.
I identify with a number of the negative atributes for recovery. I’ll try to list them. Firstly, I think I fall into category 4 and therefore need to look closely at what I should change about my preferred life style.

I am not forced into recovery and I believe my quest for recovery comes from within. While I do not believe my past behavior is trivial or ‘no big deal’ (because it’s a huge deal) I do prefer to minimalize the past, though less so now. I don’t think I am laying the foundation to act out. I’m not preparing excuses in advance, though I am often the only one accountable for my actions. I feel this is a big responsibility (this could be a problem and has been on three occasions since recover started). It is possible that I am unwittingly laying a foundation for emotional confrontation from my spouse. I will have to look at how I communicate. I am intellectualising what I learn. The lists are too long to remember, I will have to have a physical list available to pull out when faced with a situation where I could act out.

I identify with several of the things to watch for but not as extreme. I do think I will be able to do what I have done before in the work place. I do use dreams and words but I am being practical.

I think the biggest thing I need to watch for is genuine change from within from appearance.
Reading the exercise is helpful. I analysis but feel it under control and not governing my life. I have experienced extreme guilt and shame, more so than other times in the past. I’m am not sure where personal satisfaction comes from but I feel more stable emotionally. I can see that I will recover from sex addiction but may not change some of my other atributes such as enjoying the flow of life. This is potentially a worry. I will have to add more to this as I move through the exercises. I would like to be in category 3. I’ll have to continue this too..


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