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 Post subject: Losing My Religion
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:29 pm 

Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 12:15 pm
Posts: 77
Location: Midwest
Funny how I've always liked that song the often wondered what it meant. Well now I can relate when I think about this situation I am in.

I was feeling confident &happy feeling I was my husband was so therefore we were making progress. Walls were coming down intimate talks (not focused on our sex life) and all.

Then I find it the charge for a porn pay channel in cacle....ugh! He admits to ut he sayashe looked one day online at work.

He had so many chances to tell me but he says he was too scared. But he knows that lies
detroy me. Not sure now if he's been lying all along.
Thoughts, comments, advice?

 Post subject: Re: Losing My Religion
PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 9:01 am 
Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
Hi Ashcap,

Sorry that this has happened. At this point, what your husband knows hurts you has little baring on his actions simply because he is still trying to control his environment (which include withholding info from you because you i.e. your reactions, are not a controllable variable). Instead, he decides that he already knows how it will go, he doesn't want to deal with it and so he takes the easiest path in the moment. This indicates (as does giving into the urge of looking at porn) that he is still in a selfish and immature mindset, focused on immediate gratification.

The bigger concern is the comment "lies destroy me". Yes, they undermine trust, but they can only destroy you if you built your life around him, and if the fate of your life rests in what he does, or does not do. This is where the workshop comes in, in guiding you through the process of strengthening your life, including other pillars (values) that support you so that when one pillar is damaged, your entire foundation doesn't come crashing down. Hang in there!

Be well.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)

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