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 Post subject: Polygraph question
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2019 2:20 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:36 am
Posts: 114
I am highly suspicious (>99%) that my H has been unfaithful again, sometime since his last disclosure in 2012 and now. When confronted with the evidence, he was in full denial that he was unfaithful in any way, had extremely flimsy excuses, etc. He swears he is telling the truth. Our couples' CSAT BS meter was through the roof hearing his story and excuses, and gently recommended to him that he take a polygraph to prove his innocence to me, and allow for my healing. He has flat-out refused, has now formally discontinued his relationship with our CSAT, and wants us to see a new ("neutral") LMFT, specifically non-CSAT.

Can anyone here give me any good reasons why someone who is innocent, and claims he has done nothing wrong, would refuse a polygraph to prove their innocence?
His reasons for not wanting to take a polygraph:
a) He doesn't want to be treated like a criminal,
b) He's already told me the truth, and
c) "Polygraphs aren't always accurate, you know"....

Penny for your thoughts? I know cross-posting ("both sides welcome") is generally discouraged, but it would also be truly helpful for me to hear from the Recovery side as well. I feel like he is totally gaslighting me. Any insights appreciated! Thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: Polygraph question
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:13 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 661
Sunlover - I am sorry to hear about this. I send you my virtual embrace.

No, I can't think of any reason why any of this is good for you. All of these actions (refusing the polygraph, quitting the CSAT) are about him and not about you. It very much sounds like he is protecting his addiction. At a minimum, he is not caring about your need for honesty and re-assurance. But you know this, I believe.

I have learned we really do have to believe our partner's behaviors, and not their words.

This is a painful time for you. I hope you focus on you and what is best for you.

With deep compassion,
dnell


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