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PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 3:41 pm 

Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2016 6:45 am
Posts: 1
This is all still very traumatic and bewildering for me.

I feel so betrayed again, I feel the same overwhelming sadness again and I feel the same pain again...

However, I made my vows not knowing what the future held and I said in sickness and in health and I meant every word I said that day, so this is for our journey to health.

First exercise

a. A vision for the life I am leading

My vision is to be happy with myself and in my home. My vision is to be a supporting wife who sees beyond the hurt and pain I have been through over the years, both deliberate and unintentional. My vision is to forgive my husband completely and love unconditionally. My vision is to be able to go out to places with my husband without worrying all the time about what’s going on in his head and whether he is fantasising about other women. My vision is to reach a point where we are not constantly fighting about his behaviour towards women. My vision is to be happy in my marriage and in my life by having a husband I deserve and who deserves me, not because I think I am better than anyone else but because I strive to be the best I can, and to be the best version of myself I need to be truly happy.

b. An expansion of my vision in the area involving partnership

Over the next year I hope to experience better communication, intimacy and respect within our marriage.
I hope that when I look back on my life and marriage, I will remember my husband as someone who truly loved me, put me first and who did not take me for granted.
I hope my husband and I will visit all the places we’ve always wanted to visit and remember what fun we had and not the fights that ruin every holiday and outing, due to inappropriate behaviour when other women are around or when there is no easy access to internet.
I hope that when we have kids we would be able to look back and say we gave them the best home and they had a happy childhood, filled with their parents love, morals and values.

c. A simple list of the likely obstacles standing between me and enacting this vision.

Lack of communication
Distance due to being apart for work, at home etc
Lack of empathy

d. A simple list of goals I have for the remainder of my life.

To be completely comfortable in my own skin.
To have kids
To have family and friends close

e. A simple list of goals that I believe my husband feels the need to accomplish in the remaining years of his life

To be a better husband to me, a better son to his parents and a better brother to his sister and be open and free with his head held up high.

f. A list of my top ten practical values

• Honesty, to never deceive others.
• Integrity, to never go back on my word.
• That others can depend on me in their time of need or just as a wife, sister, friend etc
• Being supportive others when they need help
• Financial stability, having my own career and money so I can stand of my own two feet no matter what.
• I don’t believe the world owes me a living, I believe I need to work hard to get what I need/want in every aspect of life and I am happy to work for things I need/want.
• To show respect to other people and respect their values whilst keeping mine.
• To allow myself to forgive others, so that I can let go of baggage.
• I like to believe I am straight as an arrow, to be straightforward in all I do.
• Tolerance of others, treat others how I expect to be treated.


PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 1:57 pm 

Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2016 5:58 am
Posts: 9
A. My Vision:
I want to be healthy, mentally and physically. I want to cherish my wife, I want to take care of her and to nurture, maintain and develop our relationship as I come to terms with, and deal with, my addiction. I want to live the truth. I want to develop my career and I want to achieve something worthwhile within it. I want to pursue my hobbies so they fill me with true happiness, enjoyment and a sense of achievement. I want to travel the world with my wife and see places of beauty and wonder. Above all else I want to create happy memories, un-blighted by arguments, feelings of regret, resentment or remorse.

B. Expansion of my vision in the area involving partnership:
In the next year I want our relationship to return to being happy again, I want us to do things we both enjoy without them being spoiled by my behaviour. I want us to be able to talk about anything without worries of arguments sparking up. I want our time together to be enjoyable and relaxed. I want to treat her with respect and thoughtfulness. I want to care for her and do the nice things I always wanted to do, but never bothered with.
When i die i want to look back on a life filled with joyful memories. I hope I will be looking back us on raising a family and getting through the tough times that will bring, and that we have raised a good family who are close and care of each other. I hope to have travelled to many amazing places together and for both of us to have reached positions in our careers where we achieved success and fulfilment. I hope to have experienced no more difficult times caused by my behaviour, but I expect we will have challenges in stressful times such as in our careers and in moving home and raising kids, but I hope that all these will be met by us both head on and result in a sense of achievement and happiness.

C. Obstacles that will/may stand between us:
- Laziness on my part
- return of a lack of trust
- inability to forgive
- complacency
- boredom
- stress
- return to old habits of avoiding each other
- lack of common interests, meaning we don't do things together
- working away / business travel

D. Simple list of goals I want to achieve in my lifetime:
- to raise a happy family
- to win a championship
- to achieve a point in my career where I feel I have "made it"

E. A simple list of goals I believe my wife feels the need to accomplish in the remainder of her life.
- to always be financially self sufficient
- to always keep learning
- to raise a happy family
- to maintain her relationship with her brothers
- to realise a sense of achievement, recognition and respect in her career

F. Top 10 Practical values

1. I will be healthy, mentally and physically
2. I will love and cherish my wife
3. I will develop my career and achieve something worthwhile within it
4. I will live the truth
5. I will pursue my hobbies so they fill me with true happiness, enjoyment and a sense of achievement.
6. I will travel the world with my wife and see places of beauty and wonder.
7. I will start a family and be the best father I can be
8. I will be a good son to my parents
9. I will be a good brother to my sister
10. I will work hard and be respected

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