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PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:30 pm 

Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:10 pm
Posts: 1
Last Friday my wife and I started the couple’s portion of recovery nation. For the first exercise, It was my task to treat her to a night where I did the following, “Feeding your partner a meal with a spoon and/or fork, Brushing/combing your partner's hair, Brushing your partner's teeth, Comfort reading to them for at least fifteen minutes (choose a book/story you think they might enjoy)”. I was excited to have a chance to show her I care for her and had great energy for diving right into the assignment. As we went along, however, my energy shifted. My initial energy came from a place of problem solving and the excitement of planning out the evening, such as thinking of a special meal and how the sequence of events for the night would play out. These play naturally to my strengths and felt encouraging. I picked up our favorite Pizza from a spot we use to go on dates almost every week before moving, and some beer that is from a brewer we also have fond memories of. When I got home, I was apprehensive at first to have to feed my wife for the entire dinner, which is how we interpreted it. Once we started into it, I enjoyed getting to take the time to feed her, and to really put her needs before my own. After that, my energy was being fueled from an inner drive to care for her. We ended up taking a bath after dinner where I washed her with a wash cloth and washed her hair. We got out of the bath and had a fun time trying to not laugh at me brushing her teeth. Afterwards we both thought the process was so amusing that she later returned the favor and tried brushing my teeth. Finally we settled down and watched a show for a bit. Once we were ready for bed, I grabbed a cute book about cats and read to her in the bed until she fell asleep. I chose the book due to her love for cats and it was something light hearted and comforting which is what I wanted for the night.

As she fell asleep in my arms, I really started to reflect on the night. I felt a heart racing feeling of over whelming joy when I thought about her close body next to mine in the bath. I felt an old feeling of friendship and ease while we ate dinner and watched our show. I felt youthful and humored by our brushing teeth exercise and liked that all self-conscience barriers had been dropped. Finally, I reflected on the final moment, of her falling asleep in my arms while I read, and I felt so over whelmed by a sense of protection and love for her. For a moment she seemed at peace after so many long months of turmoil brought on by my actions. I wanted the moment to last forever. She was fragile, small, and beautiful in my arms. Like a porcelain doll, something of precious beauty. It was a night I won’t soon forget and I feel has opened up my heart to realizing just how vulnerable my wife is by putting all her heart and soul into this recovery. I want to make every change possible to my addictive qualities so that I feel like she is protected and cared for because she is fragile and a treasure to be held onto.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 7:31 pm 

Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:25 am
Posts: 29
Couple’s Exercise #1
He fed me a meal, not with a spoon or fork, since what I was craving was pizza, but he drove across town to my favorite pizzeria to pick up my favorite type of pizza. Then he washed my hair in the shower, although I had to get out quickly (I’ve been going through some hormonal changes that have been giving me nausea and dizziness). Then he brushed my hair in bed and read to me until I fell asleep. He also brushed my teeth, which was an unusual experience. It felt really great to feel like I was the focus of his attention, like there were no other distractions or plans that he was splitting his attention with. It made me feel really comforted and happy. I have always been a really deep sleeper, but since D-Day I have had some sleeping troubles, including issues getting to sleep and staying asleep through the night. The fact that I was able to fall asleep while he read to me was really significant, and really is the best evidence of how safe and comfortable I felt. I also really loved getting my hair brushed. I have some quirks when it comes to my personal hygiene, because my hair and skin get oily easily, so I follow a pretty comprehensive regimen for them and don’t let my partner touch those parts of my body too much, but it felt heavenly to have my hair brushed. It is a special treat, and I spend a lot of time trying to manage his body—his work leaves his hands pretty rough and cracked, so I spend a lot of time massaging them with lotion and manicuring his nails to keep them healthy—so it feels like I put a lot of effort into letting him know that he is loved since his love-language is physical, but I rarely see the favor returned. I don’t want it to be a tit-for-tat kind of thing, since I enjoy caring for him in that way, but I do like it when he shows me that he is thinking of me and that he wants to take care of me. I thought this exercise would be silly, but there were times that I was almost in tears over how good it felt to not be in charge of myself and to let myself get taken care of completely by someone else.

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