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The Role of ValuesUnderstanding The Role of ValuesThe first few lessons required more energy, concentration and time than you would likely be able to invest on a daily basis for the next three months. Bare with this initial push for a few more days. It is all intended to help you lay a solid foundation for permanent change. These next few lessons will be focused on the single most important aspect of your recovery: your values. Specifically, your ability to recognize, develop and use your values in practical ways.
Values: What Are They? Your values are those principles in your life that you use to derive meaning and fulfillment. They form the foundation of your identity. If those values are consistent, your identity will reflect consistency. If those values are in conflict with one another, your identity will reflect conflict. For many, values are conceived as idealistic concepts without any real practical value in helping them to manage their day-to-day life. This needs to change. By the end of this workshop, you will be constructing a foundation of practical values from which you will manage the most important aspects of your life. Without this foundation in place, more complex life skills such as prioritization, decision-making, urge control, goal management, emotional management and others simply cannot be mastered. And addiction cannot be overcome.
The Role of ValuesWhat an engine is to your car, values are to your life. Can a person still drive a car without an engine? Yes, but not efficiently. The engine performs a particular role for that car (to generate energy), and unless that role is fulfilled by some other means, the car will not run. What other options are available to generate this motion? The use of a tow truck, or the assurance that all of the trips made in that car will be downhill. Yes, that is sarcasm. But nonetheless, the car can still function as a mode of transportation--albeit in a much less efficient manner. Can a person live without values? Yes, but not efficiently. Values perform a particular role in life (to generate energy), and unless that role is fulfilled by some other means, that life will not run. What options are available in a life not stimulated by one's values? Well, addiction for one.
In a healthy person, values provide the motivation that drives their behavior. They are the impetus for decision-making and the foundation for feelings and emotions. Without a foundation of values, our lives would lack even the most basic sense of significance or meaning. We would be reduced to nothing more than animals guided by whatever made them feel good at the moment, no matter what the consequences. Which is why, as the progressive nature of addiction begins to take root, one's values diminish. And as that behavior continues to progress, the connection with their values can be lost altogether. Is it any wonder then, that people who have struggled with addictions over long periods end up living a life that produces little, if any meaning?
The values that drive our behavior can be divided into two groups: practical values and universal values. Practical values include those which can be measured through daily interaction with other people, places and/or events. Values such as being a good father, a faithful wife, being healthy enough to complete a marathon, or persistent enough to write a book, financially responsible enough to buy a home...these are practical values that involve the inclusion of other things to determine their success or failure. Intimately intertwined with practical values are the more universal values that serve to produce the foundation of a person's identity.
The following Universal values are by no means comprehensive; rather, they are a list of some of the more common values that people derive genuine fulfillment and emotional comfort from. It is not necessary that you develop each and every one...though historically you will find your life to be stable and fulfilling when your foundation is based on anywhere between 5-8 active values (practical and/or universal). Any less than five and you will find your foundation vulnerable to collapse. Any more than eight and you will likely struggle to achieve the depth required from any single value.
Practical ValuesWhereas universal values anchor the stability of your identity, practical values make up the movement. Practical values are what you use on a day-to-day basis to affect change in your life. To derive ongoing fulfillment. All universal values have the potential to be practical values--if you develop them as such. For instance, valuing self-respect as a concept is a universal value; actually using that concept to assist you in decision-making makes it practical. Practical values are what promote change; practical values are what you will be most actively developing.
Take a look at the following and see if you can identify the differences between the practical values and the universal:
Note that practical values are more specific than universal. That many practical values may fall under a single universal value. Note also that practical values can often be measured and/or assessed in quantifiable terms. This is not always the case, sometimes that assessment can only take place subjectively, but there must be some way of determining whether or not progress and/or regression is taking place.
Why that last aspect of practical values is so important is that soon, you will be developing a Daily Monitoring process that is based on the practical values that you will have deemed the highest priority in your life. As the workshop progresses, you will then evolve that monitoring based on your practical values. You will evolve your practical values. The success of this development will be predicated on your ability to identify an initial set of values that is CONGRUENT with the life that you want to live. This, as opposed to developing a set of ideal values that define a life that you want other people to think you are living. There is no more room for appearances. If you are to end your addiction, the changes that you are making now must be real...and they must be sincere.
Exercise 3I. In the previous lesson, you were asked to write out your vision for the life that you want to live. If you have not yet completed this task, do so now--before completing this exercise.
II. On your computer, extract the values from the vision you have created and list them. See the example values list for guidance as to what you are looking for and examples of how to list each item.
III. When you have extracted every possible value that you can think of from your vision, do the following:
Your goal is to create a single comprehensive list (most lists are between 50-100 items) that involve all of the primary ways that you derive stimulation from your life. Or, those areas that you want to derive stimulation from. When you are done, post this list in your recovery thread.
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