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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2021 9:24 am

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Chaper 21
GOAL - Learn how to authentically manage significant compulsive urges by February 4, 2022[/size]

Complete Twenty-Six Mapping Compulsive Rituals by January 7, 2022
Complete Lesson Thirty-One Emotional Balance and Stability by January 14, 2022
Complete Lesson Thirty-Six The Role of Boundaries by January 21, 2022
Complete Lesson Forty-One Mastering Boundary Awareness by January 28, 2022
Complete goal at Lesson Forty-Seven Practical Urge Awareness February 4, 2022

_________________
I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~Michael Jordan

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2021 9:33 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 22 Exercise

Ritual Measured:
Fantasizing About Women
Primary Elements Involved:
Fantasy; Physical Stimulation; Accomplishment; Danger; Orgasm

Values assigned:
Fantasy: 3
Physical Stimulation: 3
Accomplishment: 1
Danger: 1
Orgasm: 3

Filters applied:
Fantasy:
*Time — Imagining sexy woman. This may occur over long periods, sometimes hours or days ‘8’
*Intensity — The more my mind fantasizes about the woman, the more intense the stimulation ‘6’
*Habituation — As fantasies play out', they decrease the overall stimulation that fantasy produces. I respond by expanding those fantasies by viewing porn sites. '3'

Physical Stimulation touching myself:
*Time — Once begun, it progressively increases the stimulation as time progresses. ‘9’
*Intensity — Consistently stable; it’s what I have been doing for years,i.e., viewing pornography ‘7’
*Habituation — Keep scrolling through till I find the best site '10'

Accomplishment:
*Time — Occurs spontaneously; leaves spontaneously; time spent in conflict has no palpable effect on overall stimulation. '1'
*Intensity — Not a big deal. '1'
*Habituation — No real effect. '1'

Danger:
Time – Planned location to act out in remote location. ‘5’
Intensity – Once location obtained, comfort level achieved. ‘7’
Habituation – No real affect. ‘1’

Orgasm:
Time — no control over length of orgasm. '2'
Intensity — Increases overall intensity of urge; created major frustration when goal is not reached. '10'
Habituation — No real effect. Sudden end '1'

Overall Stimulation Rating = 43.8

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2022 12:31 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 23 Exercise:
In your recovery thread, share a brief summary of what practical uses the skill of measuring compulsive rituals can have in your recovery. Don't just copy the headings of this lesson, take a minute to see how you can practically use this information in YOUR life.

Understanding how to meausre one single act is very important. However, understanding that emotional balance/stability is a make up of the elements of any single act, is imperative. By knwing which elements play a major role in emotional stimulation, in my example it is fantasy and masturbation, I will be able to pinpoint these emotions to help prevent relapse.

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:50 am

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Chapter 24
Identify the role that each element played in stimulating your emotions. As in, did it intensify your immediate emotional stimulation; add to your overall emotional stimulation; reduce your immediate emotional stimulation (and thus, increase the overall stimulation achieved at orgasm).
1. Thought of or seeing a sexy women in lingerie – my mind gravitated to that thought
2. I become emotionally aroused – my mind is in a “world wind”
3. I begin to rub myself - - my pleasure is now in overdrive
4. Where can I go to masturbate in private – I contemplate places where I won’t get caught
5. I open my phone and find porn sites – I am well on my way, now
6. I keep searching many different porn sites – I am in a trauma, almost hypnotized
7. I reach that one video that brings me the most enjoyment –
8. I reach orgasm – mission accomplished
Elements that triggered the most significant emotional change: 1, 2, 5, 8

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2022 4:27 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2022 9:41 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 8:19 am

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 2:55 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 28 Exercise:
1. My desire to be content & calm allows me start my day out by finding a quiet, private location to read porn stories from my phone in my car
2. I usually have three private locations which I feel comfortable with that gave me peace of mind
3. Once settled into my comfort zone, my arousal is quickening, and I search for the most stimulating story.
4. To relieve my tension and feel at peace, masturbation begins
5. If the story is really stimulating, I continue to read, sometimes for hours on end
6. So as not to orgasm too soon, I occasionally stop or slow down my masturbation
7. Once I reached the end of the story orgasm occurs
8. The next morning the same feeling of arousal consumes me, and the ritual begins again
9. The same exact process occurs the next day and the next but with a different story and maybe a different location
10. This compulsive chain continues for months on end, week after week and day after day

• One way to increase overall stimulation, would be to flirt with women that sometimes visit the location for a hike. I could follow them far enough behind to keep them in site. Maybe they are wearing yoga pants that shows their body shape. Even if I chicken out in approaching them, just watching them hike in those tight yoga pants would be enough stimuli to raise my overall stimulation level
• Another way would be to insert porn pics or videos as I read my sex stories

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:25 am

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 31 Exercise:
Stressors:
1. Retirement – Extreme
2. Relationship with wife – Moderate
3. Political atmosphere – Severe
4. Financial Security – Extreme
5. Relationship with others – Mild
6. Excelling at work – Severe
7. Fixing the dent on my car – mild
8. Keeping my blood sugar levels in range – Severe

As I listed my stressors, I realized that these stressors are directly related to my prioritized values (Ah-ha moment)

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2022 1:39 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 34 Exercise:

A. Describe a time in your life when the "Immediate Gratification" principle has come into play:
It was around 8:30 am in the morning & I was on my way to an appointment scheduled for 9 am. On my way to the appointment, I saw two women dressed in “fashionable” attire. My mind immediately went to sexual mode, and I started touching myself. I was going to find a private location and view porn and masturbate. I figured I could get off and still make my appointment at 9. I stopped my car in a remote location about 5 minutes from where my appointment and get myself off in 10 to 15 minutes. This 10 to 15 minute turned into over 1 hour and I was late for my appointment.

B. As best as you can, describe the anxiety you feel when you are trying to NOT ACT on a compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Be specific. Compare it to other feelings of anxiety that you experience.
The anxiety I feel when trying not to act out is very, very short lived. I am somewhat anxious about the results that will plague me when I’m done. This, however, is superficial. It is like eating a big piece of pizza in the middle of the afternoon. My anxiety tells me I know I want the pizza but don’t need to eat it. I eat it anyway.

C. As best as you can, describe the feeling that you experience while you are engaging in a certain compulsive sexual thought or behavior.
The feeling is definitely trance-like. I am mesmerized while viewing porn and masturbating. If someone could get in my head and view what is going on, they would say, you idiot, what the hell are you thinking and doing? They would definitely ask the question why are you doing this?

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2022 10:01 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 35 Exercise:
1) My first daily monitoring activity
Practicing Integrity with daily activities and decisions
 At work, be honest with my colleagues, clients and prospects. No compromises
 If honesty means losing “face”, loose “face”.
 Being honest with myself, again, no compromises
 Make note and document daily when integrity is being challenged and what outcome occurs
 Assess my integrity path monthly

2) My weekly agenda:
A. Over the past week, what activities gave me the most joy and happiness?
B. Last week, where and what did I spend the most time with?
C. How healthy was I in managing last week?
D. Is there anything that will be occurring next week I need to be aware of and prepare myself for?

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2022 9:12 am

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 36 Exercise:

I. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.

My wife and I were sitting at a beautiful beach. In the family in front of us, a pretty woman was wearing the most skimpiest bikini bottom you can imagine. I couldn't stop looking at her. That night, I masturbated to porn with the thought of that woman

II. Describe a situation in your life where having solid boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.

I kept having a fantasy of going into a local sex shop. I studied the location. I drove by several times to see where to park my car. I observed the local environment surrounding the sex shop. After quite some time contemplating my choice to enter, I conclude that this place was not for me.

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Sun Jan 16, 2022 6:17 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2022 6:40 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 38 Exercise:
I. Review the boundaries created to protect the values listed in the previous lesson.
II. Consider at least two situations where this value may be threatened. Are the existing boundaries enough to protect against this threat?
1. Making excellence a way of life
a) I will strive for excellence when choices arise
b) At work, excellence will be my guiding light
c) If challenged, stop and analyze my position on excellence.
d) When stressful situations arise, look towards excellence to lead the way.
This needs to be changed to the following: When stressful situations arise, make your decision on how this value of excellence will lead the way
e) Non-excellence decisions are not an option
2. Practicing loving my wife with renewed intimacy
a) When my wife wants to have a conversation, I will be a good listener. This should be adjusted to the following: When my wife wants to have a conversation, I will stop what ever I’m doing and listen to my wife.
b) I will not objectify other women
c) Touching myself off limits
d) Viewing porn is off limits
e) When alone on my computer, masturbation to orgasm is not allowed

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mighty oak

Post subject: Re: Commitment

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2022 10:48 pm

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 pm
Posts: 100

Lesson 40 Exercise:
I. Choose someone in your life that you feel close to. A spouse. A child. A parent. A friend. Rather than assuming what boundaries they have; or what values they want protected...take some time to step into their lives. Refresh those perceptions that you have. Consider how you can HELP THEM reinforce those boundaries. Post a few thoughts about this in your thread.
• My wife – she is very conservative regarding sex. She’s a conservative. She loves God and family. Anything that violates this love is contrary to her beliefs.
II. Consider what you could do should YOU become aware that you have violated a boundary of theirs.
• First, I would stop this violation. If appropriate, I would apologize to her. Also, for the future, I would remember her boundaries and avoid violating them again
III. Consider your reaction should they tell you that you have violated a boundary of theirs. Think beyond defensiveness...keep working until you grasp a healthy reaction.
• If I am told by my wife that I have violated a boundary, I would first respect her for telling me this. Next, as stated above, I would apologize to her. I would respect the boundary that I violated and avoid, at all costs, to avoid violating this boundary again

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