Lesson 25 compulsive behavior that I struggle with -Checking out women and occasional fantasy.
Checking out women and fantasy - checking for women (watching Tv, driving, in the neighborhood, woman’s catalog in mail, in a restaurant, at work, on websites/adds/memes. ) - look at any woman that’s relatively attractive. See if I catch their eye. - look at their body/chest/bottom - knowing it’s wrong, I look away - intensity to keep looking grows - look again and focus on chest and bottom or any words if exchanged that are stimulating - body starts to get tense, thoughts begin; one thought keeps saying look away another should I follow the woman and add to the fantasy, yet another thought do I really want to do this? I decide it’s completely wrong and tell myself I have to work on this behavior more. Although I have not acted out /masturbated in a year (approximately)which is good, I have to remind myself that just because I haven’t carried it out to fantasy and orgasm is not equivalent to my peace and happiness and I realize what I’m doing is wrong.
Beginning
- bored/stressed/alone = wanting to dissociate and watch TV or use web on my phone - while driving when moving my eyes from the face to chest and/or bottom of the woman
PoNR: if I don’t have a conversation with myself, distract myself or I give up and start minimizing my actions.
End of ritual: initially get a little discouraged, give myself a pep talk and think about the positive thoughts or decisions I made, refocus on the current task at work it home work for a few minutes,h and then decide to move on. * not sure if I did the above correctly. -
|