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 Post subject: Soze recovery thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2020 6:48 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2020 8:51 am
Posts: 2
Lesson 10 response:
Places i go to act out:
1: internet-surf for porn especially on xnxx or pornhub.
2: telegram app-surf for local porn.
3: room- masturbation esp in the bed @ midnight onwards and weekends mostly.
4: roads-fantasise and oogle girl's butts on the streets.
5: badoo- surfing for the perfect girl.


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 Post subject: Re: Soze recovery thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2020 2:40 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4044
Location: UK
Hello Soze
and welcome to RN
a programme that does help those whom do help themselves
first please hit the reply key not the new topic when posting in your thread
this keeps your posts together making it easy for you to refer back and you should refer back as you go
I see that you posted straight to lesson 10 but hope that you did do the earlier lessons because IMO your reasons for wanting change and your vision form the basis for the foundations of recovery whilst values become structural supports as you build

If you do commit and persevere believe me you will change , remember, if you do not beat addiction any addiction then it will beat you
the good thing is that hard as it seems when starting out you do have the choice
you do not have or need to act out
take your time with the lessons learn from them and integrate what you learn into your daily life your very core
ensure consistency to make regular progress
use the community forum to ask questions if you have misunderstanding or doubts
be open and honest and do this for you
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Soze recovery thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2020 8:34 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4044
Location: UK
Quote:
So here i am, an adult(25yrs old) with no life management skills and deep into porn addiction that clings so tightly to me..
But ill not always be here, moving forward i must change and grow into a person I'm proud of.. And it all starts with a vision for my life:


and..........................................................?

:pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Soze recovery thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:20 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4044
Location: UK
Hello Soze
it has been a while :pe:

Quote:
So here i am, an adult(25yrs old) with no life management skills and deep into porn addiction that clings so tightly to me..


it clings to you or you cling to it, you might not believe me but you do have a choice

Quote:
But ill not always be here, moving forward i must change and grow into a person I'm proud of.. And it all starts with a vision for my life:


Choose NOW
have that vision
prove your worth to yourself

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Soze recovery thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2021 2:55 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2020 8:51 am
Posts: 2
What a ride its been this year!.. Started this year on a very high note and a commitment to change that provided more than adequate motivation to change. Combined with the knowledge from the workshop, I've been able to attain the longest period where i didn't use my compulsive behavior to balance/manage my life(28 days yay!! ).. I've been developing vaues that addiction had ran into the ground-started studying structural engineering once more, hitting the gym twice weekly on an abbreviated program, practicing stoicism... I know Marsh used to advocate for atleast 5 values and I'll try to get the other values going like relationships and spirituality. However lately, at around the forth week the void hit me hard(those at nofap call it flatline but i think the void best describes it). The positive feelings from recovery waned and my values couldn't provide enough stimulation to counter the stress i was getting from life at the time(some girl i liked stopped talking to me, my car is broken down, overworked at the job i do to pay the bills, digestion issues and others).. Therefore unfortunately i fell back to the behavior i knew to manage the stress.. Then somehow i got back here and went to the workshop orientation lesson on what to expect in early recovery and lo and behold.. Marsh completely anticipated this in point 10. I've been using the day to analyze this relapse and I've realised that reading books on semen retention and nofap gave me really unrealistic expectations that destabilized the foundation of my recovery. My recovery started to shift to girls i could attract, how semen retention would heal my gut etc and when this expectations were not met the doubts and fears of recovery not working got the best of me. I don't dispute that there are benefits to not masturbating to porn daily but i now realise that they cannot be the foundation of my recovery. Afterall its me returning to my core state, as stoic say 'living as my nature demands'.. Clear skin, good memory, good muscle tone etc aren't benefits but my birth rights that i trade off when i engage in destructive compulsive sexual behavior. And the reason i engage in this behavior is living a life based on emotions not values, ie using porn and masturbation to control stressful emotions and states in my life.. But the behavior is destructive and thats why i must go back and learn about urge control, decison making and action plans to get this addiction into complete control and give space for my values to mature. At the moment i guess I'll just have to embrace the suck when the void hits again. Also, I've deleted my nofap day counter app.. I've realised recovery isn't linear at all and a counter only places unnecessary pressure on me by placing benchmarks on my path based on days clean. Now I'm going to measure my recovery on how better I've gotten at managing my life and emotions.


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 Post subject: Re: Soze recovery thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2021 8:04 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 272
Hi Soze,

It has been awhile since your last post and good to see you back on RN.
You seem disjointed in your approach to RN's workshop or at least your posting is disjointed.

This programme really does work if you stick to it, complete the lessons and take on board what each of them has to offer.
To requote what Kenzo said to you:
Quote:
If you do commit and persevere believe me you will change , remember, if you do not beat addiction any addiction then it will beat you
the good thing is that hard as it seems when starting out you do have the choice
you do not have or need to act out
take your time with the lessons learn from them and integrate what you learn into your daily life your very core
ensure consistency to make regular progress
use the community forum to ask questions if you have misunderstanding or doubts
be open and honest and do this for you


Good luck :g:

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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