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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 4:55 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 3:46 pm
Posts: 22
I thought I was making a huge step forwards today by talking to one of my friends about my addiction. My friend is also my sisters ex fiancé, and after I had explained what I was going through he just told me he always found me attractive and he would always be up for a shag if I want it! I don't know how he expected me to react I told him it was fine. I don't find him remotely attractive but it was still so hard. Now I don't know how to be around him and although I don't want anything like that to happen between us because I don't like him like that and because it's my sisters ex, I know if I havea downward spiral again there is a possibility I would do something stupid. I hate that he has put me into such an awkward situation after I tried to open up to someone other then my partner.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 7:14 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4048
Location: UK
Klee
first I wonder why you chose him to open upto rather than your sister , or a counselor or here on RN
second I wonder if you opened up as an addict . a partner or both?

finally I need to say that this man should be avoided, please be advised that he will likely try to manipulate you and right now you are vulnerable

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 7:28 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 851
Location: Sweden
I agree with Kenzo. My advice to you is shut this person out of your life from now on. If things played out as you describe them, he is clearly a person that will want to take advantage of your problems for his own sake.

It's good that you brought it up here. I know I had a few poeple in my life who either themselves suffered from the same addictive patterns as I did or that had other problems that made them unable to be proper friends for me. A part of growing is to identify what type of people we a, can have in our lives to not jeopordize our health and b, want in our lives because they help us grow. At least in my opinion. What you do from here on is your choice.

I guess a good question for you to ask yourself is what people you feel that you can continue to associate with? There's a recent thread here about how to tread co-workers of the sex that you find attractive for example. There are probably others as well if your search. I wish you the best of luck and I think it's good that you posted this . I also think you should think about Kenzo's questions. Whatever answers you come up with, pondering will have helped you grown IMO.

:g:


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 9:35 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:13 am
Posts: 687
Kaylee,

Kylee,

Hope you made it through the weekend ok

Belated welcome!! So glad you are here. I had to stay home this weekend and I don't have Internet access and I am not advanced enough to type from my phone:).

Just mostly wanted to say welcome:). Recovery nation is a great place to create a life you want to live:) You look like you will do well here:)

Later in the workshop u will do exercises on boundaries,around lesson 35,they teach u how to deal with this sort of situation, stinks when we get here we so desperately need the skills the workshop teaches. We can learn them and this kind of situation is then a lot less confusing, we know what we are looking for and how to get it.

If it was me and I was in your situation I would be feeling lost, scared, panicky, looking for something outside of myself to stabililize. While his hitting on me would in way be uncomfortable and add to the confusion, it would also be comforting, a situation I knew about. I would des partly want some comfort having been through everything you are going through and I would des partly want to do the right thing. If you can hang in there, not make anything worse than it already is, keep working the lessons you can get to the place that you intuitively know how to handle this.

If you can start focusing on a couple of your values you can begin to turn the tide. For example, for me my highest value is patience (because I had so little of it) so when something like this happens i am working on responding patiently to it. Taking my time, thinking about it, going slow, ect. This can stop my fight or flight, impulsive decision making. I think partners side exercise on three values to help stabilize is really useful here. Find something useful to concentrate on till chaos passes, like u looking up classes:)

You did the right thing posting, we don't have a ton of interaction on this discussion board, like some other boards, and it typically takes longer to get a response, so getting two replies is pretty good. Wish I could wave a magic wand and we would have all the skills for a successful life.

Peace


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