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PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:51 pm 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 308
I continue to mistake the extent to which my actions have negatively impacted my wife.

I displayed unhealthy behaviors and acted-in out of emotion today by lacking compassion and empathy to my wife's anger about my addiction. I responded defensively instead of with compassion and validation. God d*mnit.

They often attempt to "prove" their sincerity to others through voicing dreams, sharing words and making promises, rather than through their actions.

They often attempt to convince others of their recovery by offering their "new identity" as proof.

Sometimes I feel like my efforts are unnoticed. To me, this is a new beginning and as I experience hiccups like this I can overlook them because I see all the positive changes I've made so far. But I have to be compassionate to her. How can I expect validation when I don't give it to her in return? She's been damaged, hurt, and living with these lies for the past 7 years. So when I act-in and "haven't changed at all" I have to respect that. She's in a marathon of healing and any time I act-in (thankfully no acting out relapses) it's a reminder that she has even more laps to run. I'd be angry too.

Besides, how can I expect validation from her on the changes I've made? HOW can she possibly be sure that I've changed for the better? She can't. I've given her no reason to believe my word is trustworthy because I have completely disrespected her. Lied to her face. D-Day x2 lead to her now having depression and PTSD. No one to blame but me. So I must own the hurt. Go out of my comfort zone to validate, accept, and listen. I have to own my consequences. Even if that means losing her in the end. I'm sad.

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