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 Post subject: Pheremone spray
PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:35 pm 

Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 6:11 pm
Posts: 12
My husband was using a cologne he said he has worn forever and it smells ok, nothing special. Two years ago, I bought him a cologne that I absolutely love and he refused to wear it. He says the reason is because the bottle is too big. (?) About a month ago I noticed he was spraying more than his usual amount and that it was different. I asked him and he said it was an old bottle he had stashed away and decided to wear it, instead of the 2 almost full bottles of his regular stuff he already has. Okay.
Today, I see a box from this new cologne in the garbage. He apparently bought more online. Well, it's a pheremone spray with great reviews attracting women. Why the hell would he wear that going to work and not just when he was with me?
I am trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, but I really feel he should AVOID anything that is meant to ATTRACT other women!!

 Post subject: Re: Pheremone spray
PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 3:03 am 

Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2016 3:22 am
Posts: 164
Hi, I think this is a huge red flag tbh.
I noticed this with my husband
He was putting on cologne to go to work,whereas he didn't bother if he was with was only after a couple of years I thought back and tied it in with his infatuation for a work colleague.
As you say,he didn't want to wear the one that you lime
And to actually buy another one that is for attracting women.
Well I would be hurt and suspicious.

 Post subject: Re: Pheremone spray
PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2018 11:50 am 

Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:08 am
Posts: 190
I agree. It’s a red flag and I’d be concerned too. And yes, my husband at one point was taking more care about his appearance when he had what I suspected was a workplace infatuation. In and of itself, it doesn’t *prove* an infidelity but it certainly betrays his fantasy or even his intention if his interest was reciprocated.

I don’t think a cologne with pheromones is going to make any man irresistible to women, the marketing hype is quite laughable really, but if it’s your own husband who’s buying the stuff it’s no laughing matter. I don’t know what to suggest at this time other than to pay attention to your gut. If you notice any other irregularities I suggest you note them down. Any subtle changes in routine, a sudden interest in buying new clothes, coming home and getting straight into the shower, all the obvious stuff too. Late home — make a note of it. I know that we are advised against ‘snooping’ but you’re not going to get the truth by asking him outright. From my experience, and probably most of the partners here, once you ask a question or you raise your concerns, they deny anything is going on at all and then double up on their own efforts to make sure there’s no evidence. So, if you do find any evidence, if you can — and this is really hard — don’t confront him immediately. You will probably need some more evidence to make your own position stronger.

Don’t lose sight of the fact that all that could be going on is a workplace infatuation that may well come to nothing. It’s not a good sign though, so keep a watchful eye whilst trying to remain (relatively) calm.

 Post subject: Re: Pheremone spray
PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2018 6:51 pm 
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 676
Whitewave, I agree. Sadly, I think this is a red flag.

I agree with Blue. What is your instinct here? I'd trust that. How is your relationship in general?

How have you managed voicing your suspicions in the past? In a healthy recovery, you should be able to calmly state your suspicions and see what he does. Is he defensive? Supportive? Sincere? Does he act in a way to re-assure you?


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