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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2020 10:39 am 

Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2020 10:31 pm
Posts: 7
My husbands history includes many long nights out with his best friend. They would drink to excess and go to strip clubs together. I spent many nights home alone with the kids worrying and crying while they were out together. We have been going to counseling and working on recovery for the past two years now and my husband has been sober for about 7 months now. He has remained friends with his best friend during this time and they no longer go to strip clubs together or stay out late drinking. However, it is difficult for me to be around his friend because seeing him is a trigger for me. It brings up uncomfortable emotions in me so I prefer to not be around him. Recently his friend has been seriously dating a new woman and he has been inviting my husband and I out with them to go on dates to bars and wineries etc. I really don't feel comfortable going out with them and have told my husband I feel this way. My husband is frustrated with me over this and I know that he desires for us to go out together with them. The whole thing feels so awkward. To be honest I would rather leave the past behind and let go of anyone and anything that played a part in our painful past. However, it's his best friend so even though it's uncomfortable for me to to see them continue to go out together, I have compromised on it and try to be ok with it. But now my husband wants me to go hang out with him too and I just really don't want to. This is causing a rift in our relationship though so now I'm questioning myself. Should I just push past my feelings on the matter and start going out with them or should I remain true to how I really feel and keep my distance. Why should I have to be around sometime who is a trigger for me? I know it would make my husband happy though.
I would love to hear your thoughts and advice on the matter. Thank you. Wishing you all healing.

PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2020 1:00 pm 
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 676
Runaway - What was important for me to learn in my healing with that it was important for me to get my needs met. Sometimes I need to be first. My addicted husband ALWAYS put his needs ahead of mine.

I agree would be very uncomfortable socializing with this man and his new girlfriend. Your husband is failing to show empathy and compassion for you. And, he needs to step up and not put himself first. He needs to put you first.


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