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PostPosted: Tue Jan 19, 2021 2:42 pm 

Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:20 pm
Posts: 2
My husband and I have been married for 6 years. I had no idea of his sexual compulsions/addictions when we were dating, or married. I always knew he had a high sex drive, and I had a low sex drive, and he was very good at keeping his “hidden life.” We have never had a “great” marriage, we went to marriage counseling for a while to improve our communication, and he was very defensive the entire time, so we stopped going. We have two young children, both under 4.

My life changed forever in the last days of September, 2020. I discovered 5 photos of pornography on his iPad which he normally kept passcoded. They were not of the legal kind, and I was instantly nauseated. Fast forward about a week and we had a kind of “intervention” with him after I told his and my family. He admitted to being addicted to sex and pornography. He swore to me that he had never “cheated” on me, and that he wanted to “save the marriage.” He then went “away” for a $45,000+ 6 week rehab facility that was very much pushed by his overbearing Mother. It was money wasted in my opinion.

At “rehab” he disclosed to me he had been unfaithful, and had spent thousands of dollars on strippers, porn, and these live chat/video “apps.” He formed multiple emotional relationships with random strangers, because he said he was “lonely.” I had weeks of “partial disclosures” and it was devastating. All this was going on while he was gone, I was working full time, watching the kids full time, and “managing” the household.

When he got back from rehab I told him I didn’t want him coming back to the house, so he has been renting a room for the last 2 months. Less than 5 days after coming back from rehab he had a “slip up” and he went out and purchased a laptop and started viewing porn again, which he disclosed to me. He destroyed it afterwards. He has been going to a psychiatrist, and a counselor and has been doing SA meetings virtually, as well as staying in touch with his “brothers” from rehab. Unfortunately, I don’t see the progress I would expect to see after 6 weeks of professional treatment, and another 4 weeks of counseling. He continues to lie about small things, minimizes my feelings, and the lack of empathy is rage inducing. He says he doesn't "know what to say, or how to talk to me, so why even try."

Unfortunately, I have not begun to start my healing journey, and this is ultimately why I am here. I need to start to recover from this trauma that has gone on, and continues to go on. I have realized that I am not going to get the support or love from him, or anyone else, and I need to learn how to rebuild my life and myself.

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